Depression...

Originally Posted by: Lordathestrings[font=trebuchet ms]Nailed it in one!

I suspect there's a link between being an artistic type and susceptibility to depression. You can learn to turn that sullen intensity of emotion into a positive form of expression. The old lemons into lemonade thing.[/font]

I think you guys both are exactly on point- it's a way to take a bad situation but use it to fuel the creative fire. I would say (and I don't want to get too into psychological archetypes here, but...) that there is a particular personality type that is artistic and is prone to being more emotive and which can be susceptable (did I spell that right?! I can never spell that word!) to depression. If we ran a myers-briggs personality survey of the users here, i'd bet we'd see some interesting and predictable results. I'll spare everyone the psychobabble - I'm not even qualified to babble in psychological terms! ;)

Originally Posted by: PRSplayaLexapro made me feel 1000 times worse. I went through 5 different meds, and never found one that really worked very well. Paxil worked the best, but I had trouble staying awake during the day while on it

I've heard that from other people I know that took Lexapro before. It's also been reported that Lexapro can lead to suicide. It helped me though, a lot of people started calling me LexaJoe after I started taking it b/c it did so many good things for me. I guess I was lucky in that the first one prescribed to me worked. I've heard bad things about Paxil also, a friend of mine takes it and he can't get off of it, even by tapering off of it.

Also,dagen,your a real dad.My fathers health declined rapidly after I was born,but he still raised me to the best of his ability...I love him extremley.

I wanted to reply with a quote from Ponyone's post but couldn't decide which part as it all seems to apply and I relate all too well...

I too have went through VERY similar experiences in my life... I will admit that I spent once nearly 5 years holding the couch down because of depression and not wanting to leave my house. I just couldn't bring myself to be a part of what I saw out there... and honestly I can't really tell you what exactly I saw in the world but something was just not right and I didn't belong there. People all seemed plastic and unfeeling. I remember calling everyone "surface dwellers"... I wrote a poem of sorts during that time a few of the lines went something like this:

Moving through time neither slow of fast
Where am I, the future or past?
Truthful seeming lies hide behind their eyes
etc, etc....

Anyways, I too got to a point where I realized that I was feeding my disease. Each day I spent on that couch was one less day I had lived. I eventually ventured out and I'd like to say that my music inspired me to do it but actually it was my camera. I started taking photos out in nature. Looking at life through a lens of a camera made me really "LOOK" at the world differently, it's like it forced me to look for beauty rather than the ugliness I surrounded myself with and only saw before...

Also, the point that was made about being "acutely sensitive..." I really believe there is something to that. I read a book not so long ago called "The Highly Sensitive Person", by Elaine Aaron. In this book it speaks about how there are two types of people. The highly sensitive people were born with an acute awareness and sensitivity because they were meant to be the teachers, artists, philosophers etc. and also how those types of people get overwhelmed and overloaded by their senses (thus, depression, anxiety etc.)... You might want to check that out, it's pretty interesting.

I've just got to say that this was one hell of a moving read, I had tears in my eyes and a lump in my throat as I read every word.
The way you guys just came from everywhere to help, just amazing. I only joined today and I'm glad I found you all.

I'm not going to try and add much here, just say that you kind folk have reminded me of the journey that my life has taken, the ups and downs that life chucked at me seemed impossible to deal with when I was younger to the point where at 19 years old I did something stupid, and I even failed at that too. Yet, here I am now 48 years old reading about you suffering the same **** that I did. So, trust me, you will come out of it stronger as you get older, or more to the point you learn to deal with it easier. Just hang in there it will get better.

When I were a lad, Dyslexia was unheard of and was the start of my problems, now I use a spell checker. ;)
And what cruel bastard called it Dyslexia? try spelling that when you're filling out forms. :)

Thank you all.

Originally Posted by: PonyOnei got up and threw on my trench coat and boots and i went for a walk. it was snowing out, and Boston is really pretty in the snow; plus, it was around 10.00 at night, and Boston is pretty much deserted at that point. I had headphones on, and brough a couple mix tapes; I just walked and walked for hours. I felt like I was a peeping tom to society, like I was just watching other people as they drove home, as I walked silently by bars and restaurants and saw people inside. it fascinated me. i would write about it, puzzling over what got people there, and before too long, inadvertantly, i became enamored with life, in all its unjust, disgusting details.

Are you by any chance related to Chuck Palahniuk?


I used to have severe depression to the point where my idea of comedy was putting about three dozen slits across my right fingertips with a utility knife.

With how many depressed guitarists there are one would think the blues would make a big comeback.

Originally Posted by: Hammurabi... With how many depressed guitarists there are one would think the blues would make a big comeback.

[font=trebuchet ms]Well, yeah, The Blues is where I live now, but ya gotta see that it ain't all angst and bitterness. The Blues is about a realistic approach to life. Where pop music says **** like "I love my lady and I know we're gonna be happy together forever!", The Blues says things like "I don't really know how long we've got, but right now, it's real good". Blues is about feeling, and expressing those feelings in as real and honest a way as possible.

And when somebody does ya dirty, but you don't care cause you know they're gonna get the same back from somebody somewhere;

or you just stumbled onto a good thing and you were able to recognise it quick enough to hold onto it;

or you just had this flash outa nowhere that showed you the joy that friendships bring into your life;

then The Blues is there to help you express it.


I can play metal that just peels the paint off the walls, because it's about anger, and savagery, power without civility, fear, loathing, and evil run amok.
And I don't wanna live there.

I can play jazz that's got enough bop to make you start dancin' while you're still in your chair, and stuff that fairly drips sophistication,
but that only covers a small part of the spectrum.

The Blues is life, in all it's squalid glory.[/font]

Originally Posted by: Lordathestrings[font=trebuchet ms]I can play metal that just peels the paint off the walls...I can play jazz that's got enough bop to make you start dancin' while you're still in your chair, and stuff that fairly drips sophistication...[/font]

Got any cds I can buy?

Originally Posted by: HammurabiGot any cds I can buy?

HA! Ditto.

[font=trebuchet ms]There's a stack of C-60 'basement tapes' accumulating from the jams I do with a local band two or three times a month. I doubt they'll ever be released. I haven't played for pay since I got kicked out of the American Federation of Musicians in 1971 (for non-payment of dues). Anymore, my music isn't about other people hearing me wail. I play because I have to.[/font]

Originally Posted by: PonyOneno, i'm not... why, did he have a similar experience to me or something?

Pretty similar, yeah.

Seriously meditation works wonders, especially for the problems your describing. Google buddhist meditation, I would presonally not take any meds, from personal experience and nasty side effects (kiss your sex life goodbye!) Studies have even shown that placebos work better than SSRI's anyway. I think ADP's only mask the problem. This is only my opinion but I think the longer you feel depressed the more conditioned your brain becomes. The brain builds upon patterns most commonly used. You need to build upon the positive ones. Like a trees roots can only grow if they get the energy that they need. The brain stops producing pleasure chemicals when theres no reason to be happy, ie if you sit at home all day never going outside (been there done that) sort of a downward spiral. Life is really all about perception, you can let it break you down or you can make it toughen you up.

Medititation is great for anxiety problems, even after one sitting. If you can focus all of your energy and attention on one simple thing, such as your breathing, your mind will declutter and sort itself out, after awhile you'll be a very calm and collected guy. Excercise is really helpful too, and so is sunshine, your brain needs sunlight for serotonin in the first place. Eat healthy, no fast food or soda and no smoking. You'll feel great in no time!

Good luck!!! :)

Wow..this is absolutely awesome.. I'm on a few boards and this has got to be the most support I've ever seen! You people really are awesome and I'm now realizing just how much I do enjoy the board and the regular posters on here.

Chuck, Keep your head up bro. In Sept of 2003 my wife and I lost a child a day after she was born. Claire Louise Jewell lived from Sept 29th 2003 to Sept 30th. I never thought I'd be right again after everything else I'd been through with my wife. (I'd give you the whole story but I don't want to steal pony one's thunder ;) ) It took me almost 6 months of my hour long drive into work to not cry the whole way. But after time, and understanding.. it slowly got better. This may not be the best example because of the severity of why I was depressed but the end result was depression so, this may help...

at any rate. Believe me, things can and do get better. There is a saying by Charles Swindoll that goes something similar to
"life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how we react to it"
believe me when I tell you, that's the truest statement i've ever heard. Sometimes things are as we choose to have them.

Lastly, as people were saying with the exercise, you may want to check out a book called "eating for your blood type"
You may think it's BS, but your blood type can also be a determining factor in how your moods and energy are in relation to what you've eaten throught the day. I'm an O+ so I need to move around to get energy. If I sit on my fat ass and do nothing, then I'll feel like doing nothing. The hardest part is getting started. When you feel like you're too angry to deal or have too much pent up anxiety, get a heavy bag or some weights and work it out that way. Trust me when I'm telling you, you'll feel 120% better when you've given your all to get that energy out. I've been there.

good luck dude and keep your chin up. Things can get worse, if you choose for them to be that way.

Originally Posted by: paradymeHey man, for what it's worth, you aren't a loser. You may not yet have accomplished the things in life that you might feel you need to, but you aren't worthless. No one is. You're a historically signular entity- there's never been anyone precisely like you up to this point in history, and there will never be another, so on that basis, I would never consider someone to be a loser.

I can't pretend to understand how you feel directly, since I've never experienced long-term bouts of depression, but I will say this: no matter what your circumstances in life are, if someone tries to look down on you for any reason, they are wrong to do so. No one deserves to be judged by anyone else, and if someone tells you otherwise, I for one respectfully beg to differ with them. As another human being on this planet of ours, you have basic human dignity that should always be respected, and no matter what this superficial and materialistic culture tells you, you are not a loser.

I dunno, for me, sometimes the answer lies in picking up my guitar, smoking way too many cigarettes and letting it out. No matter how it sounds, I just let it out.

For something this serious, I always encourage professional help, and that doesn't make you weak or bad or whatever, it means that you understand that there are things in life that require the help of others to get past. I just hope you feel better.

peace

I realy agree with Paradyme...Nobody is a loser...Try to get profesional help, Think about the good things of life..
Moniek

hi guys hey chuck seems your not alone mate,its good to know there are people who dont know you ,yet open there hearts on there personal experiences to help out a fellow carbon based lifeform .ive been there too not so long ago did something silly with a piece of rope wifey saved me and even though my life isnt exactly how i want it i have LIFE. and where theres life theres hope .got three kids i think now the mess i would have left behind if i had succeeded.talking helps .stay with it!

At age twenty you are still young. The world is still there for the taking. If you are genuinely suicidal get some help, either professional or even just telling people can help. Its' no crime to feel that way, trust me I have been there. Beware the meds, they can help but man can some of them suck when you come down off them, especially Paxil or effexor. Counselling may help, do not be embarrassed about seeking it. One in four adults experience some kind of mental illness/depressive illness in their lives. In my case it was/is reactional (caused by a specific event), it can be inherited as well. Whatever the deal you should realise you are not alone, there is hope and the world is a better place with you in it. You might want to simply take one small step at a time towards something positive, no matter how small. Be careful how you speak to yourself in your head...Negative thoughts will eat you up, and they feed off you, it's a never ending cycle. Try to keep positive...don't think about the past or tomorrow..just "stay in the day" & try to learn to teach yourself to accept things, even though you don't like them.
Who the fcuk made you think you have to achieve so much so young anyway? You should set your own MODEST aims, be honest with yourself, and do what makes you happy, not what you let society impose on you.
Nobody is perfect, and trying to be perfect at things will mostly lead to disappointment. Try to say to yourself that you can accept not being perfect at things...it's ok.

Other stuff than can help is exercise. I read that when Steve Vai was a teenager he was a serious depressive recluse type...then he decided to get fit...that in turn sorted out his head and his playing etc..

If some of this isn't applicable to you I apologise (i have no idea who you are except from your post) ..but much of what you said struck a chord with me & what i just typed helped me a bit. Hang on in there, keep the faith.

P.s.
Keep posting, keep venting..get it out of you. :)



"If you bring forth what is within you, what you bring forth will save you. If you do not bring forth what is within you, what you do not bring forth will destroy you.” Gospel of St. Thomas

Originally Posted by: chucklivesoninmyheartDepression.It f**** sucks.I just want to frigin die today...erghhh.It would feel so good to just destroy everything in my life right now...everything...just smash everything I own to pieces then grieve over it all... :(

Its days like these I wish my creator was incarnate so I could give him pain in equal parts of what I feel.......

Anyone have depression?

There are many thoughts about depression, saddness, grief and or we could call it self pity. How you "feel", is a physical thing, how you "think", is an emotional thing, are they connected, they coculd be. Being physically unwell can have an enormous effect on your affect. Being down emotionally can have an effect on your physiology. What came first, being emotionally down or physically may give you some answers to your question.
My thoughts and suggestions if they will help are. Write down all physical feelings you have, like being tired, hungry, not hungry, thirsty, bloated, tense, irritable in physical pain ie: chest pain, bowel pain, joint pain what ever it is you feel.
Make a list of your emotional problems, ie, life seems dull, your impatient, your mind works over time, what ever it is on your mind, saddness or crying.

When you have a list of everything you feel, both emotional and physical, keep them separate so that you can monitor them and reflect on them.

Now make a list of everything you eat and drink and I mean everything from Milk to coffee, from tinned soup to cabbage, cheese, or cheese spread, cookies to coke, candies to toast (white, brown, wholemeal), sugar in coffee, sugar on cakes.
If you eat lots of packet or processed foods, write them down and keep them separate from the fresh or frozen food list you make.

When you have your list send me a copy and I'll give you the next steps to find out if it's you, your gene's or your food.

What I will be asking you to so is to write a list of all the physical ills you have from a constant itch to bone pain, chest pain, headaches what ever.
Then I want to see your list of emotional pain or discomfort, so that you can monitor whether those things disappear after I have sorted out your diet which you will need to address in one form or another.
From the list of foods you send me I will suggest that you stop eating some of those foods for a while so that you can monitor whether how you feel changes either marginally or toatlly. I will also suggest at some stage that you try a treatment which I tried and I can tell you that it wasn't painful, costly or difficult but it made so much difference in my life that I now know what effects me and what is to blame.

If all this sounds like too much to do that may be because your not healthy. If this sounds like too much to do because it sounds like bull ****, then you may just miss out on a possible solution because it sounds like bull ****. IF your intelligent you may know that the answer to problems is always a simple one in the end. What makes it difficult at the beginning is that until we know the answer there does not appear to be a solution, but there is. If you follow my advice you will find an answer and you will feel not only physically better but emotionally better too, no more morbidness or thoughts of finding a quick way out.

My advice if you take it will also show you that you can be in charge of how you feel and that it's not your genes but your diet. We are what we eat.
Each culture dies of a particular disease, ie they are prone to one disease more than another culture. For instance, the Inuit in Northern Canada never die of heart disease or cancer because of their diet. People in China do not on thw whole die of the same disease as people in North America, though that is changing because of improvements in transport which now provides everyone with access to relatively the same processed foods. Genes and available foods are predictors of our health. What is commonly eaten in one culture will have an effect on not only there physical health but also on their mental health. With cultures inter breeding over the centuries, many of those diseases which would not normally effect you now effect you because genes are being shared and with that ones propensity to disease is crossing cultural and genetic barriers that once didn't exist because we as people lived in our own little world. Befor white people were in North America people of the first nations never got colds, now they suffer from all the disease that white people suffer because they now consume the same diet.
If that doesn't convince you that your problems may be more than a morbid personality then ignore this message and keep searching. If your interested, then send me your lists and I'll take you through it and I know you will find relief if you follow my lead.
Best wishes
TC

Chuck, I've started this response several times now and haven't been able to find the right words to say. You're not alone in this. I've felt the same. But I stuck it out and things do get better. I'm telling you they do.
From the responses that I have seen to your post, I believe you have a lot more friends than you ever imagined. Your'e not alone. Hang in there and write back later on to let us know how your'e doing.

From one guitar player to another, Bryan

Hang tough man. I've been there more times than I care to think about. 40ft's right. It will get better. You have to believe it and move towards the positive things in your life. I know that sounds easier than it really is but it's worth it, even when those positive things are hard to find.

Keep looking.

Also, I don't know if you're a big reader or not but I would recommend 'The Noonday Demon' as the best book I've ever read on depression. It really helped me a lot.

Let us know how you're doing.

Originally Posted by: chucklivesoninmyheartHit me like a ton of bricks out of nowhere today.Its genetic,not circumstantial....everything is actually ok in my life...my body just lacks certain chemical qualitys(at least thats what science has shown thus far).

Actually...no,things are not good in my life.I barley leave the house,I'm a mess physically(to my mind anyway),I have ZERO friends,no g.e.d,live month to month on SSI.I'm a LOSER to put it simply...ive been a loser my whole life.I'll be 20 in april with NOTHING accomplished...absolutley nothing.

I'm also really tempted to pick smoking back up again...I coped much better with nicotine a year ago.

I just saw this thread...Hmmmmm...well, you are a loser, I will tell you that...
20, and acomplished nothing?Bah.I am 27, soon to be 28, and I already have two nice Ibanez guitars in my possesion (second of which I bought yesterday).Get what I mean?You are no looser by any view what so ever...I am much older than you and still have nothing...Plus; i drink like a fish, so...
If you wanna get some steam out, gym and a punching bag would be a great solution...As for the friends part; well, hmmm...I would think quite a few people here would get offended when you say that...I know quite a few guys helped me out here...Not just on the guitar part.So much for that...As for living from month to month, I live from weekend to weekend, cause most of my salary goes to this stuff called stambena štednja...it is the thing where you deposit some cash in a bank and then after some time you can get a credit for a house or something...So I am gettin by with money I make from gigs.Hehe.Another good reason to play guitar.And as for staying in most of the time...Well, that is pretty much a personal decision, ain"t it now?
Don"t worry man...it will clear up.We all feel f***** up from time to time,
but that is the way life goes.Accept this as a normal side of living...
And now go and get wasted!!Another good way to relax... ;)