Rough times

Hello all. I've been having a tough time of late and just needed a place to reach out. Hope you all don't mind. A lot of things have been working me over and for the past few weeks I've been feeling totally beaten down in every aspect of my life. I've been divorced for over five years now and in all that time, I've been on precisely two dates. Both of them nightmares. I live alone (unless you count my dog who is the best friend I've got) and my job sucks the very life out of me on a daily basis.

I'm finding it really difficult to find any joy to living these days.

I started playing the guitar about 6 months ago and the going is slow. No natural talent an all that. I find that my attempts at playing seem to depress me more than lift me up.

I guess the point is, I've been feeling mighty low and I seriously can find no point whatsoever to my life. None.

Have any of you been through this and if so, what did you do about it? :(

dude, we all get a little down in the dumps sometimes. I've been there more times then I care to mention. if you read my "and that's it?" thread, then you can see that I also have come to this site in a time of need when I didn't have anywhere else to turn.

sometimes you can feel like nothing is going right for you, but it always get better eventually. sometimes it gets better in a few days, and sometimes a few years, but it always does get better.

playing the guitar shouldn't be a chore, it should be something you want to do. sometimes, when you mess up, and play a wrong note or chord, you'll actually find something cool. I know that for me, on more then one occasion, I've tried playing things, messed up, ended up with something totally different, but I actually liked it more and wrote a song around that "mistake". so don't stress out over mistakes, they can be your friends. plus guitar isn't something you pick up over two days, people can play for years and still need more practice. just enjoy it, don't try to play any particular thing, just play random notes or chords, and try to work out your own music to match your emotions. it's a great way of self expression, and it always helps me out.

or, you could eat some chocolate, it actually does have some natural anti-depressants in it. now, I'm not telling you to eat yourself into a weight problem, but just a little goes a long way.

cheer up dude, it'll get better :o

The most comforting thought is life is a rollercoaster so least you know if your headed down there is going to be another up....unless the ride is ending..

Really though,take a step back and see where you are and set some simple goals to meet...nothing massive,just anything.You don't have to blast through every brick wall thats in your way...just chip away at it.

See a psychologist if you feel worse(they don't give medicine,they just talk).Theres no problem with asking for directions around the big life city.

I'm glad you feel comfortable enough to come to us with your problems. Finding someone to talk to is half the battle. Depression is a sick little bastard! I know this from very personal experience. I was so down at one point that I had a loaded pistol in my mouth with my finger on the trigger. You know what kept me from pulling the trigger? (staying away from the religeous parts) Basically, at that moment, I realized that I was better than that. I realized that my life has a purpose, whether it be great or small, it has a purpose.

I'm sure you know what a pendulum is... Life swings a lot like a pendulum does. Sometimes you have your highs, and sometimes you have your lows, but it's alway's going to swing back up to the highs. It's no where near as steady as a pendulum, but life will swing both way's at times.

The best type of theropy that I've found, is a good listener. By a good listener I mean someone who will listen to what you have to say, and not try to solve your problems. A good listener will prod just enough to get things out of you that you normally would keep in. Keeping all your problems to yourself is not a good thing to do. I'm like that. I keep all my problems to myself, because I don't want to bother anybody with my problems. I've learned, the hard way, to talk about my problems. I still have screws in my right hand, as a result of keeping all my problems locked in my head until there was no more room.

Just know that you have friends here that you can come to and talk about all the stuff that's bothering you. Feel free to send me a PM or an e-mail if you'd like to talk a bit more in depth.

Things will start looking up eventually. I promise!

Thank you for your responses. I appreciate it. And you are all right. There are bound to be lows as well as highs in life. Trouble is, I haven't seen any highs in a long, long time. I think I know what I have to do to try and pull myself out of this funk but it's really tough sledding. You know, I just don't have the energy or the interest in much of anything these days.

PRS, I too have been right to the edge and there are days when I think about it again. But I try to remind myself that nothing good would be accomplished by my demise by my own hand. It would only hurt a lot of people. My own birth father did that when I was about 18 months old and one of my closest friends did the same thing about twenty years ago. I know what that act does to the survivors.

So I wouldn't and quite frankly, I am (and many, many others) are glad that you didn't either.

Again, thank you. It's good to know that I've got people out there who actually care. That helps.

> I guess the point is, I've been feeling mighty low and I seriously can
> find no point whatsoever to my life. None.
>
> Have any of you been through this and if so, what did you do about it?

If it's that bad, go talk to somebody about it. If you're going through real depression and can't function properly, see a doctor and get some Prozac and Xanax to help you through until things get better.
Also, consider making a video diary or just writing stuff down. When you look back on yourself years in the future, you'll wonder what all the worry was about.

Also, think about how bad things could get. You could accidentally chop your hands off or be paralysed from the waist down. Now that's something to be bummed about.
Just going through lifes ups and downs is normal. Everybody goes through it. Hell... 12 years ago I lost my job, my brand new Iroc Z, my girlfriend, my house and my band, then my brother (our drummer) died in a motorcycle accident... all in the space of about 3 months.
So what did I do... first I went numb for a year, then I said 'screw this' & started putting all my energy into music. I played a whole set every night just like I would if I was in a band, learned multitracking and everything about the music business, HTML programming etc etc.. kept investing my money in my studio.... now I make my living doing what I love, have a house fully paid for, another place in England on the ocean, a car that's paid for, a studio full of equipment and can spend all day, every day working on music or watching DVD's if I want. If I'd given up and said 'what's the point', I'd still be sitting in my crappy one room rental apartment with earwigs and spiders everywhere, watching my 12" black & white tv.

But, hell.. even when you think things are going well you still go through crap that you have to put up with. I broke my arm a couple of years ago, broke my wrist last year, almost chopped my finger off a few weeks ago, had my studio catch on fire.. went through 2 girlfriends.. lost out on a 60 thousand pound deal because my internet went out & I missed getting the contracts...
Ya just suck it up and keep going.

I don't mean to depress anyone... but i feeling like s**t right now too.
I'm 16.
My brother is 15.
My parents left us alone tonight.

Now as I sat on the computer, I heard him leave.
45 minutes later a walked over to the neigbors (in the dark :mad: ) and he wasn't there.

So I came home.. and THE TRUCK IS GONE!!!!!!! :mad:

It's night time, there's snow all over the roads, and the kid doesn't even have a learners!!!!!!!!!!!!!
He did leave a note where he was, which I found later, but there isn't a number for the in the phone book-They're new. So now I can't call him to tell him if he's off drinking and planning to drive home, im gonna kick hiss ass!! :mad:

Hmm, I feel a little better.
Sorry for the long post.

My mom just called.
He ditched it.
Now they have to call the police because if they lie about it, they'll just have to keep building on that, and they'll get caught up in it. :(

I was just gonna say... he's 15, an inexperience driver who stole a car and he's drinking alcohol with the potential to acccidentally kill somebody, including himself.
The cops should have been the first call you made.

Hunter60,

Life throws some $h*t at you sometimes. Hang in there. I used to think my life was always hitting "roadblocks", but I've seen far worse. I returned from Iraq in Jun 05. What I saw there is not only disgusting, but depressing. I returned with a severe injury that has required two surgeries so far, possibly more and will leave me partially disabled.

Find a good friend and turn to them for support. I've found that since returning to the "Real World" in my situation, I've found some really true friends. They have been there for me, constant support. Not all of your friends will be there for you, but the true friends will stand out.

Good Luck my friend. Drop us an update evey now and again. If you need anything, PM me. If I can't help, I'll find someone who will.

Originally Posted by: schmangeI was just gonna say... he's 15, an inexperience driver who stole a car and he's drinking alcohol with the potential to acccidentally kill somebody, including himself.
The cops should have been the first call you made.

Ya i know. He wasn't drinking, and I didn't have a clue where he was. Lets quit worrying about this. This thread ain't about me.

well, since you guys all do it, I am just gonna throw all my **** on here too.

The past 3 months have been insanely bad...by far the worst of my life.

starting on September 2nd 2005. I was in London, sitting at work doing not much (I had a security job...and so doing nothing is par for the course)when I got a phone call explaining that a very good friend of mine had tragically died the previous night, in a car accident. This was surreal, as Gian had always seemed invincible...he was the guy everyone called if they ever had any trouble anywhere...he knew everyone, and had connections in high places I guess...normally I despise this kind of "hardcore" person, but Gian was a genuine, nice dude....my mate Kyle (who was also in london with me) flew home for the funeral, but I was unable to...Kyle returned a week later.

It felt as if this was a "problem" that I would not have to deal with,since I wasnt going to be home for a few months and was unlikely to see any friends I associated with Gian.

A few days later, I heard that another friend had hanged himself...not nice news to receive...ever! Then Sergio (a female friend of mines ex-boyfriend) was shot by his cousin at his own 21st birthday party...he also passed away).

At this point I was gutted. I then heard from family, that a very close family friend had been diagnosed with AIDS...he passed away on September 21st.

This was all way too much for me to handle, but since I was in London, rermoved from all these people, I seemed to be able to just get on with it, almost as if I would deal with it all when I got home (supposed to have been in December)

On 30 October, I was woken by my brother, who had just returned from work early...he woke me calmly and told me that my father had been shot in an attempted armed robbery, he had been hit in the neck, but would apparently be okay...we talked it over with my mom, and decided initially that neither of us would fly home yet...he seemed to be stable, and us returning home would give him the wrong idea...we kept in contact throughout the morning, and after speaking to his best mate, both of us were flying out of London that evening...we arrived in South Africa at 10am the following morning, ready to visit my dad in hospital...he had died two hours before we landed, he was 50 years old...This was not the way I imagined coming home...and its ll ****ing hard.

To top it off, an old boss and friend of mine was shot and killed on the weekend after I arrived home....then last Monday, a really good family friend (the priest-he then left priesthood and got married, but remained prominant in the catholic church here-who had married my folks, baptised myself and my siblings, and recently done a memorial service for my dad) had a heart attack,he was running with his dog when he collapsed near the lake and died...police found him and as he had no id on him, had to follow the dog home and inform his wife and kids...he was 56.

Its now been 7 deaths in 3 months and everytime I think its the last one, another happens...I'm hanging by the thinnest of threads...and feel kinda guilty, because although so many friends have died, I am still processing the murder of my dad, still mourning him and haven't even started on the others...

Hang in there guys. My words, as I type them, seem exceedingly trite but things won't always be so bad. Hills and troughs...

I'm so sorry to have to hear about all that Andrew! I lost my mom when I was 18, she was 45. It's never easy dealing with the death of a parent, or anyone close to you for that matter. Just try to remember all the good time you had with them, and cherish the memories. I'm here for ya bud, if you ever need to talk.

Jesus christ... what the hell. Seriously, to give my condolences alone isn't enough for this one. But at the same time I don't really know where to begin. Just seems like sometime things are just way too unjust. I just wish I had something more worthwhile to say.

Well, I have to sit here shame-faced having read your responses. Andrew, I wish there was something that I could say that would make even the tiniest dent in what you and yours are dealing with. But there really isn’t. I don’t want to trivialize your situation by saying that I understand. I can understand a small piece of it but nothing on that magnitude. I lost both of my birth parents by the time I was 4 ½ years old and ended being split from my two sisters and brother. So I can sort of understand the loss of a parent. And it’s a wicked pain. That much I know. There will come a time when it hurts a little less but I can’t say that the pain ever totally goes away. It’s the pain of memory and that’s one of those pains that you will always know and welcome. Because with it comes the flood of memories you have of them. I know that I can’t think of parents, relatives and friends that have gone on without getting a little hitch in the heart. But that hitch always serves to remind me how much I loved them then and how much I love them now.

I agree with the others. Hang in there. I know it’s tough. Believe me, I know it’s tough. If you feel like unloading, you can always email me or send a PM.

As I said at the start of this, I sit here shame-faced and a little misty eyed for whining at the start of this thread. To read what so many of you have dealt with and dealt with admirably has made me realize just how picayune and tiny my own problems really are in the long run. To have an injured combat vet offer to help me through this time of ennui and sadness when he’s got his own things to deal with is, well, numbing. Your kindness is amazing to me. I suspect that there are a number of good things out there, I have just been to jaded and solipsistic to realize it before.

Thank you all for opening my eyes a little bit. You’re never too old to learn a thing or two.

Schmange, your response was also a nice cold-water slap. For whatever reason, I had lost my way. At one time, I had been a man of dreams but the divorce and subsequent choices knocked me off kilter and I have not been able to right myself since. Yours is an inspirational tale and one that I won’t soon forget. Thank you for sharing.

I’ve got a ways to go to get myself back together but thanks to you all, I think I know what I need to do. I have spoken to a therapist in the past and it is helpful. Sadly, my current benefits won’t really cover it for me and quite frankly, I don’t have the cash for it on my own so until I get a new job with better benefits, I’ll be dealing with this on my own. I need to get back to chasing my dreams and a little less time whining and wallowing in the past. That does no good.

Again, thank you for your help and my apologies for whining. I’ll try to ‘suck it up and keep moving forward.’



:o

Hey, Hunter, why shame-faced? It's not as though we are all competing to see who has experienced worse experiences...

I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose both parents...especially at such a young age...and having to deal with that without your siblings...must have been terrible.
My sister, who is 22 is studying in another city, and just talking to her, I am able to see how much better I am handling it than she is...I put this to being surrounded by family and friends...

I think we have all and all will, experience really bad times in our lives, and perhaps they will not even be comparable,but for the way we feel at the times...what I am trying to say, is that the way I feel about my dad right now,could be the way someone else feels about his/ her dead dog...it may seem that my loss is greater or whatever, but their pain is still just as real, and may even be of equal magnitude (if pain has a magnitude).

I dont know quite what I am trying to say...I'm not sure I understand what you are going through Hunter...in fact, I dont think I even understand what I am going through...I just know its bad.

But, it will all get better...so long as we believe that, we will be ok I guess.

thanks everyone for your condolences and sympathy.

...and thus the grim reaper steps in.


Let's talk a bit about failed suicide attempts boys. I do community support work with brain injured people (i.e. not developmental disabilities but traumatic external brain injuries). These people come from all walks of life; some are the victims of car crashes, but a lot are the victims of suicide attempts. Going through with suicide, no matter how bad your life sucks, is a cowardly way out of situations. Period. It hurts those around you and it's a pathetic way to exit life. Moreover, should one attempt suicide and fail, the consequences can be equally severe.

I am bound by confidentiality of clients and therefore will not use names or places, etc, but I have seen first hand the result of failed suicide attempts, and trust me, these people love life. They realize their failure was a miracle and appreciate their lives, although in a diminished capacity. Whether being shot in the head or jumping from a cliff, you can still live, and no one wants to live with memory loss, paralysis, etc.

Enjoy your life. It's never too late to change things.

Start reading up on Jason Becker if you really want to see someone that fate screwed. I know my problems seem trivial when I think about what happened to him.

Originally Posted by: LeedoggStart reading up on Jason Becker if you really want to see someone that fate screwed. I know my problems seem trivial when I think about what happened to him.

Jason Becker... why is it always the great ones? Would anyone really cry if that happened to, say, Korn's guitarists?