Speech Patterns


earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/16/2008 6:28 am
I wrote this one night about a month ago, considered it done, then added music and a bridge a couple nights ago. I don't think it's anything too special, but I like playing it and the lyrics aren't totally meaningless, so I thought I might as well post it.

Sunbeams invaded the windows,
crawled up to the ceilings,
invoking strong feelings.
I'm on the other side now,
a stranger in town,
in stranger surrounds.

Remember your history, boy,
and the light in the room
when they left you too soon.
And how you'd feel let down and pine
to stay frozen in time
but still upward she'd climb.

With speech patterns stolen
from people you'd known for a day
you leave us so willingly
once you start talking that way --
talk away.


I rode past a thousand proud urban farms,
sad and unceasing,
always increasing.
Taking in all I could allow,
arms raised and spread out,
crucified, I shout

I am the one turned away from the sun,
making amends with the enemy's friends
I die amongst stars as you stare down the moon
You're in tune.
# 1
looneytunes
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looneytunes
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04/16/2008 11:45 am
I am not going to pretend to I understand these lyrics, but I do like a few of the lines and the rhyme. As I said before, I do not enjoy trying to analysis what the writer had in mind. When I hear a song, I just want to enjoy it without thinking too much about its meaning. Call me crazy, but thatā€™s the way I am! You really donā€™t need to call me crazy, Looney is fine.

I think you should try connecting with you listeners. Of course, many on this site write for themselves and if others like it or get it fine, but they donā€™t really care if others get it or not. Thatā€™s fine, but when you post something, you are asking for opinions and this just happens to be mind. Iā€™m sure others will enjoy you song and will criticize my comments.

Good luck on your songwriting.
# 2
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/16/2008 6:31 pm
Nah, it's all good. I'm honestly not a fan of most of the lyrics posted on here, so it'd be hypocritical to expect everyone to like stuff I write.

Thanks for taking the time to read, I appreciate it.
# 3
Hootayah
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Hootayah
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04/17/2008 3:50 am
I liked it, but I wish you guys would put music to your lyrics.
It's really hard to tell if lyrics are good just by reading them.
Hey you kids! Get outta that Jello tree!! :mad:
# 4
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/17/2008 4:07 am
Originally Posted by: HootayahI liked it, but I wish you guys would put music to your lyrics.
It's really hard to tell if lyrics are good just by reading them.

That is very true, and I do have music. I just haven't recorded it yet, because I tend to hate recording my voice.
# 5
Drew77
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Drew77
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04/17/2008 3:35 pm
I like them. I didn't think the meaning was too difficult to extract, if I'm right that is, but they really aren't that ambiguous.

It is hard to judge a song by just reading the lyrics, but it is not hard to judge lyrics by just reading them. These are pretty good, the rhythm feels a little dry and I usually like to see longer lines and/or more contrast but you have some pretty cool lines in there.

It can be hard to fit extended vocal lines (I would say >10 syllables) into music with a more conventional verse chorus thing going. You either have to slow the tempo way down to fit it all in or sing the lyrics over a couple "sections" if that makes sense.

I'd like to hear it if you record it. I am working on finishing up those other songs I did hopefully I can finish them tomorrow but I just got an idea for one of them which may take some time... anyway.

nice lyrics.
# 6
sunburstcharly
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sunburstcharly
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04/18/2008 9:58 am
Originally Posted by: earthman buckI wrote this one night about a month ago, considered it done, then added music and a bridge a couple nights ago. I don't think it's anything too special, but I like playing it and the lyrics aren't totally meaningless, so I thought I might as well post it.

Sunbeams invaded the windows,
crawled up to the ceilings,
invoking strong feelings.
I'm on the other side now,
a stranger in town,
in stranger surrounds.

Remember your history, boy,
and the light in the room
when they left you too soon.
And how you'd feel let down and pine
to stay frozen in time
but still upward she'd climb.

With speech patterns stolen
from people you'd known for a day
you leave us so willingly
once you start talking that way --
talk away.


I rode past a thousand proud urban farms,
sad and unceasing,
always increasing.
Taking in all I could allow,
arms raised and spread out,
crucified, I shout

I am the one turned away from the sun,
making amends with the enemy's friends
I die amongst stars as you stare down the moon
You're in tune.



im not sayin its brillent but i do to right lyrics and is this the type of music is it rock , bluse , hip hop or just plain smooth music
these are hount me ??? :confused: :)
# 7
looneytunes
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looneytunes
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04/18/2008 11:29 am
You are breaking all lyric writing rules, but I guess that's Ok as long as you like. However, if you would like a few suggestions to improve you writing skills, read on.

First, each verse should convey a thought, one idea. It should not jump around to different things. Think of it as a paragraph in a book.
Next, you should not use words just because they rhyme. The words should rhyme, but bring meaning to the verse. The rhyme should produce a beat, a rhythm. The number of syllables doesnā€™t matter. The singer can hang on a word or run them together to keep the beat. This should all come together with the music and singing.

These are just a few things to think about when writing a song or a poem. There is a lot more to lyric writing, but these are just the obvious in these two songs.
I really like certain lines in both songs, but in my opinion there is a lot of work to be done.

Hang in there and keep trying. Donā€™t be discouraged and learn from criticism.
Good luck!
# 8
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/18/2008 5:36 pm
Originally Posted by: sunburstcharlyim not sayin its brillent but i do to right lyrics and is this the type of music is it rock , bluse , hip hop or just plain smooth music
these are hount me ??? :confused: :)

It's sort of...I dunno. At the moment it's just acoustic, sort of folky. But I might rock it up a bit when I record it.
# 9
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/18/2008 5:50 pm
Originally Posted by: looneytunesYou are breaking all lyric writing rules, but I guess that's Ok as long as you like. However, if you would like a few suggestions to improve you writing skills, read on.

First, each verse should convey a thought, one idea. It should not jump around to different things. Think of it as a paragraph in a book.
Next, you should not use words just because they rhyme. The words should rhyme, but bring meaning to the verse. The rhyme should produce a beat, a rhythm. The number of syllables doesnā€™t matter. The singer can hang on a word or run them together to keep the beat. This should all come together with the music and singing.

These are just a few things to think about when writing a song or a poem. There is a lot more to lyric writing, but these are just the obvious in these two songs.
I really like certain lines in both songs, but in my opinion there is a lot of work to be done.

Hang in there and keep trying. Donā€™t be discouraged and learn from criticism.
Good luck!

Firstly, there are no lyric writing rules. Anything goes.

Secondly, each verse does convey a single thought, I just don't convey it in the kind of language you might use in everyday conversation with someone.

Granted, I do have a tendency to put rhyme over meaning in some of my songs, but I don't think this is one of them. The rhyme scheme is very structured, but it also gets around to saying exactly what I meant.

The syllable thing you mentioned is another bad habit of mine, but proper syllable emphasis goes out the window in the second half of the third verse anyway, meaning I have to hold certain words and start those words at different times.
# 10
jeffhx
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jeffhx
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04/20/2008 2:45 pm
IT SUCKS


j/k brendonia

rules? meh rules shud be broken down, spat upon and used as toilet paper... that's how people get rich and famous eh? eh?
[FONT=Impact]grooviest tunes ever [/FONT]
# 11
looneytunes
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looneytunes
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04/21/2008 11:28 am
Everything has rules and structure. If you vary too far, you loose meaning and the foundation of what you are trying to accompish. As I said, if you are writing for yourself you can do whatever you want, but if you are trying to publish, sell, or get another artist interested in doing your stuff, you must have some basic structure.

This is just my opinion and I was merely trying to help. I will consider the subject closed. Sorry, if I offend anyone.
# 12
jeffhx
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jeffhx
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04/21/2008 3:51 pm
oh i was just kidding...

i had a bad day... my tutor passed away... so my bad..i hope I didnt offend anyone
[FONT=Impact]grooviest tunes ever [/FONT]
# 13
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/22/2008 6:57 pm
Originally Posted by: looneytunesEverything has rules and structure. If you vary too far, you loose meaning and the foundation of what you are trying to accompish. As I said, if you are writing for yourself you can do whatever you want, but if you are trying to publish, sell, or get another artist interested in doing your stuff, you must have some basic structure.

This is just my opinion and I was merely trying to help. I will consider the subject closed. Sorry, if I offend anyone.

Unless what I was trying to do was break down the widely accepted songwriting structure.

I understand what you're saying, and I just want to make it known I was not offended. I in turn am sorry if I sounded rude. I just don't think you can take any form of creativity and ascribe a set of rules to it. If I was trying to publish, interest people, etc., these rules you mentioned may very well help me -- but on the other hand, there has never been a drastic change in the popular style of art or literature or music without someone differing from the norm.

I'm not saying I'm that person, I'm just saying.
# 14
Drew77
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Drew77
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04/22/2008 9:19 pm

there has never been a drastic change in the popular style of art or literature or music without someone differing from the norm.


There has never been any change without people varying from "the norm."

People vary thats what creates styles. It may be a conscious decision or it may just be from ignorance or a desire to make something personal.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but everyone is way way way too sensitive in the is forum. If someone expresses a difference in opinion it is not them criticizing you they just have a different opinion. I hate it when people get defensive and say, "oh well thats just my opinion, sorry didn't mean to offend you". I love it when people stand up for what they think, rather than the "everyones got opinions" comp out. Almost everyone who has posted in this thread so far has now apologized for maybe offending someone with what they said. Who cares goddammit, back up what you said.

We're all musicians, I don't think it is bad if we are passionate about music. And if we have different opinions about it then it is not bad if we discuss that or even argue, thats what passionate people do. I thought thats what this forum was all about. I thought thats what forums in general were all about. Arguing is an amazing learning tool, not only does it make you smarter but it gets you to actually examine your own opinions, something surprisingly few people ever do. You learn and grow through hearing other peoples point of view and if everyone can remain open minded and critical of what they're saying then there is a ton of growth that can take place.

I have gotten in some great in depth arguments about things I care about and it has always made me probe deeper into those things than I ever had before. You always come out the other side of a great argument with new knowledge and even if your opinion doesn't drastically change it has almost always shifted.

The persuasive essay is one of the best introspective learning tools in existence.

It's fine to disagree and more over if you do it is fine to argue your side. Everyone stop being sensitive and everyone stop worrying if you've offended someone.

If two people can bother argue intelligently then it is never a waste of time, even if it gets nasty as long as real points are being made then it will result in each person having a better understanding of themselves and the subject being argued.

So I guess what I am saying is that we need more ten page threads in this forum.
# 15
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/22/2008 10:12 pm
Originally Posted by: Drew77There has never been any change without people varying from "the norm."

People vary thats what creates styles. It may be a conscious decision or it may just be from ignorance or a desire to make something personal.

I hope no one takes this the wrong way, but everyone is way way way too sensitive in the is forum. If someone expresses a difference in opinion it is not them criticizing you they just have a different opinion. I hate it when people get defensive and say, "oh well thats just my opinion, sorry didn't mean to offend you". I love it when people stand up for what they think, rather than the "everyones got opinions" comp out. Almost everyone who has posted in this thread so far has now apologized for maybe offending someone with what they said. Who cares goddammit, back up what you said.

We're all musicians, I don't think it is bad if we are passionate about music. And if we have different opinions about it then it is not bad if we discuss that or even argue, thats what passionate people do. I thought thats what this forum was all about. I thought thats what forums in general were all about. Arguing is an amazing learning tool, not only does it make you smarter but it gets you to actually examine your own opinions, something surprisingly few people ever do. You learn and grow through hearing other peoples point of view and if everyone can remain open minded and critical of what they're saying then there is a ton of growth that can take place.

I have gotten in some great in depth arguments about things I care about and it has always made me probe deeper into those things than I ever had before. You always come out the other side of a great argument with new knowledge and even if your opinion doesn't drastically change it has almost always shifted.

The persuasive essay is one of the best introspective learning tools in existence.

It's fine to disagree and more over if you do it is fine to argue your side. Everyone stop being sensitive and everyone stop worrying if you've offended someone.

If two people can bother argue intelligently then it is never a waste of time, even if it gets nasty as long as real points are being made then it will result in each person having a better understanding of themselves and the subject being argued.

So I guess what I am saying is that we need more ten page threads in this forum.

I disagree! Muahaha!

*duel to the death*
# 16
Drew77
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Drew77
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04/23/2008 3:59 am
Well thats just my opinion. I just thought I would say it, but if you don't agree than do whatever you want...


but seriously I just bought some Magic Hat beer and it was a variety pack. I have been drinking this for a while and I really like it usually but this summer ale they have in there is awful. It's called "notion" or something it has an horrendous taste and worse after task. Avoid this at all costs.

Sorry I just got home and opened one and need to tell someone.


but seriously everyone stop being sensitive to others feelings. If I post some one here I want to here everything you have to say about it even if it is all bad. You can even be mean, I don't mind. But no one is going to get anything out of this forum if people don't really discuss anything.
# 17
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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04/23/2008 4:39 am
Yeah, that's true. And I would definitely rather people read my stuff and respond to it with seething hatred than not ignore it or read it and not respond.

If I was sensitive about this stuff, I wouldn't post it. So all opinions are welcome.

(And btw Drew, that last post was a joke...I hear what you're sayin.*)

*I hope you weren't offended. :P
# 18

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