Jokes

Here you can tell jokes and earn rep points (if people like them)

If this is iligal please tell me!!!
;)

Hmmm... does that mean we get negative rep points for bad jokes? Some guidelines should be set pretty quickly before the jokes get out of hand.

Example: I think a lot of jokes are absolutely tear inducing, but others may wrench.

Q: What do you tell a woman with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you've already told her twice.

Though I completely dislike Paul Mooney as a comedian since 99% of his jokes are racist toward whites... not just making fun of whites for dancing and such... but literally racist. Anyway, he was on Letterman last night and I watched him just because I couldn't sleep and he had one joke that was actually funny...... but still obviously racist and stereotypical towards whites......... here it is anyway:

A white suburban family was throwing a birthday party for their son Tommy. When Tommy was asked what kind of cake he wanted he said "chocolate". So his mother prepared a chocolate cake for him... After he had blown out the candles and had his first piece of cake he had chocolate cake all over his face and he looked up and said to his mother "Look mom, I'm black!"... his mother smacked him and said "Never say that again in this house, now go tell your father what you just said."... Tommy went to his father and told him "Look dad, I'm Black!"... Tommy's father smacked him and said "Never let me hear you say that again in this house. Now go tell you Grandfather what you just said." Tommy went to his grandfather and said "Look Grandpa, I'm black!"... His Grandpa smacked him and said "Don't you ever say anything like that again. Now go see your mother." Tommy went back to his mother and she asked him "Now Tommy, what have you learned from this?" Tommy replied, "I learned that I've been black for 5 minutes and I already hate white people."

A woman with a low cut dress sits down at the bar and the bar tender tells her a joke an her boob pops out. the bar tender licks it off and puts it back in her dress after a while the bar tender tells her another joke and her boob pops out again. this time some other guy grabs her boob licks it off and she smacks the crap out of him! "Why did you do that? You let the bar tender do it!" And she said. "He has a liquor license you don't". :eek:

If your Americian when you go in the restroom and your Americian when you come out what are you while you are in there? Europein UR A PEE AN.... :D

An MP joke...

...We find your american beer is like making love in a canoe
...It's f***ing close to water

What do you call a blonde girl standing on her head?

A brunette with bad breath.

Two blondes, one standing on one side of the river and the other blonde is on the other side of the river. One blonde shouts to the other, "How do I get to the other side?" The other blonde shouts back "You are on the other side!"

Why was 13 afraid of 14?

>Because 14-15-16!<

That's right, I make up my own jokes.

a motor home with a flat tire is just a home...

i think the worst time to have a heart attack is during a game of sharades.... especially if your teammates are bad guessers.

i heard this lady say "i like kids"... which is cool... it's like saying "i like people... but only for a little while."

you can say "i love kids" as a general statement... that's fine. it's when you get specific is when you get into trouble...... "i love 12 year olds"

every fight is a food fight when you're a cannibal...

it's funny how "finger puppet" sounds fine as a noun...

i just got some new pajamas with pockets on them... which is great... because before when i slept i had to hold things.

i think batteries are the most dramatic of all objects... because most things stop working... but batteries die. "why aren't you listening to your ipod?".... "i can't, my batteries died in my lap this morning."

when you're a battery... you're either working or your dead... that's a s*** life.

i want to make a jigsaw puzzle that's 40,000 pieces... and when you finish it, it says "go outside"


Those are some jokes from one of my favorite comedians Demetri Martin... check him out, a lot of his stuff is funnier when he does it, obviously.

A guy walks into a psychatrists office with a duck on his head. The doctor says 'How can I help you'?

The duck says "Yeah, can you get this guy off my a**'?

Not the greatest joke but all the good ones I know are not nearly clean enough to post anywhere.... :D

One that just made me laugh from GWB at a press conference:

"A year ago my approval rating was in the 30s, my nominee for the Supreme Court had just withdrawn, and my vice-president had shot someone....

....Ah, those were the good ol' days,"

:D

A guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants and the bartender go's Hey,Do you know you have a steering wheel in your pants. And the guys say's Yeah and it's Drivin me Nut's.

oooh, I know some bad jokes:

Why does snoop Dogg carry an umbrella?
For Drizzle.

What's worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Having your arms torn off.

What has two legs and bleeds a whole lot?
half a dog

What is funnier than a dead baby?
a dead baby wearing a clown costume

and one for Aschleman, and almost no one else.

What do you get when you cross an elephant with a lion?
Mod Elephant, Mod Lion sin theta

and how about when you cross an Elephant with a mountain climber?
you cant, cos the mountain climber is a scalar.

Originally Posted by: hunter60
Not the greatest joke but all the good ones I know are not nearly clean enough to post anywhere.... :D

Right there with ya. I have about 100 jokes but all of them are guaranteed to offend at least 30% of the readers.

Originally Posted by: Scotttaylor72Right there with ya. I have about 100 jokes but all of them are guaranteed to offend at least 30% of the readers.

I'll take whatever you got, I love stereostype jokes, whether it be racist or sexist and whatnot.

Originally Posted by: EPISODERHere you can tell jokes and earn rep points (if people like them)

If this is iligal please tell me!!!
;)

Come on people ante up on the points these are classic

Originally Posted by: elklanderccI'll take whatever you got, I love stereostype jokes, whether it be racist or sexist and whatnot.

Same here, but GT does have rules that have to be followed. :rolleyes:

Originally Posted by: PRSplayaSame here, but GT does have rules that have to be followed. :rolleyes:

Look at you talking like your some sort of modorator :p . (I pm-ed him one of my personal favs.)

I'm down with the sexist jokes. That was a joke.

Actually I'm just joking.

I can't think of any good jokes right now, but I don't want to make this a weak post.

I'm so hip I barely have legs. Take that.