Jokes

Q: How will Bill Clinton be remembered?
A: The President after Bush.

Q: What is forty feet long and has 8 teeth?
A: The front row at a Willie Nelson Concert.

What's 10 foot long and smells like urine?

A senior citizen conga line :D

Originally Posted by: Scotttaylor72What's 10 foot long and smells like urine?

A senior citizen conga line :D

HaHaHa Nasty :eek:

City slicker was out in the country for a week of duck hunting. It was cold and raining all week and to make matters worse, the city slicker had seen nary a duck. Then on the last day of hunting, a lone duck came into view. He shot and the duck fell from the sky, bounced off a farmer's barn roof, and came to rest in the farmers yard. Undaunted the city slicker climbed over the fence, and just as he was about t6he pick up the duck, he heard the farmer clearing his throat.

"Just what do you think you're doing?" asked the farmer. The city slicker explained that after a week of hunting he finally bagged this duck, to which the farmer replied "My yard, my duck!". The city slicker argued his point until finally the farmer said, "OK, we'll settle this country fashion!"

The city slicker asked "What's this country fashion?"

The farmer replied, "That's where I kick you in your groin as hard as I can, then you kick me in the groin as hard as you can. We keep this up until someone gives up both the game and the duck!"

The city slicker thought long and hard about this painful game, and after weighing this against his unsucessful hunting trip finally agreed.

The farmer said, "OK I go first" He kick hard and squarely into the city slicker's groin dropping him instantly. The city slicker writhed in pain for nearly 1/2 hour. Finally the city slicker struggled to his feet. He looked the farmer in the eye, and said "OK, now it's MY TURN!!!"

The farmer said, "Ahhh you can have the duck"

I wonder what came first, South PArk's verion of that (roshambo) or that joke.

Damn........ I never knew there was an actual trem for this :eek:

I saw Buddy Hackett tell this years and years ago on the Tonight Show (Back when Carson still Hosted)

Damn it was funny seeing him do it live. Sitting there telling Carson. I thought Carson was gonna piss himself laughing

yeah, that joke is old... and damn funny.

how bout this classic:

What's the hardest thing about eating a vegetable?

Getting her back in her wheelchair.


**lemme know if I need to edit this one**

How do they make Budweiser?

they send it to school<------

How about the one where a farmer dicided his rooster is getting old so he decided to bring in a young rooster for the hens. The young rooster walked up to the old rooster and said "look here old timer these hens are mine now so you need to just stay away from the hen house." Well the old rooster told him there where plenty of hens for the two of them and they could work something out. The young rooster wouldent hear it and demanded the hens was his. Well the old rooster decided to make a wager with young rooster. He said " I'll race you for the hens. The first one around the farmers house and back would be the winner and could have all the hens." Well the young rooster loved the idea and accepted. The young rooster being all cocky even agreed to give the old rooster a head start. Well the old rooster took off and was nearing the farm house when the young rooster finaly took off. The young rooster was gaining quick on the old timer. By the time they got at the back of the house the young rooster nearly had the old rooster cought. Well the farmer was sitting on the back poarch in his rocking chair when he seen the old rooster coming around the house in a dead sprint. Then he noticed the young ruster comming up behind the old rooster. In an instant the farmer swung aroung. Grabed his shotgun and shot and killed the young rooster dead in his tracks. The farmer sat back down and said out loud " i'll be damnded ..... thats the third gay rooster this month!"

Originally Posted by: MAVERIC777How about the one where a farmer dicided his rooster is getting old so he decided to bring in a young rooster for the hens. The young rooster walked up to the old rooster and said "look here old timer these hens are mine now so you need to just stay away from the hen house." Well the old rooster told him there where plenty of hens for the two of them and they could work something out. The young rooster wouldent hear it and demanded the hens was his. Well the old rooster decided to make a wager with young rooster. He said " I'll race you for the hens. The first one around the farmers house and back would be the winner and could have all the hens." Well the young rooster loved the idea and accepted. The young rooster being all cocky even agreed to give the old rooster a head start. Well the old rooster took off and was nearing the farm house when the young rooster finaly took off. The young rooster was gaining quick on the old timer. By the time they got at the back of the house the young rooster nearly had the old rooster cought. Well the farmer was sitting on the back poarch in his rocking chair when he seen the old rooster coming around the house in a dead sprint. Then he noticed the young ruster comming up behind the old rooster. In an instant the farmer swung aroung. Grabed his shotgun and shot and killed the young rooster dead in his tracks. The farmer sat back down and said out loud " i'll be damnded ..... thats the third gay rooster this month!"

Hehehe...love it. It's like I always say, youth and cockiness is no match for age and treachery. Let that be a lesson to you youngsters.... :D

Originally Posted by: hunter60Hehehe...love it. It's like I always say, youth and cockiness is no match for age and treachery. Let that be a lesson to you youngsters.... :D

That's the third gay comment this month.

That was a good one maverick.

Originally Posted by: earthman buckThat's the third gay comment this month.

It is? Not sure I understand. Please 'splain.

Originally Posted by: hunter60It is? Not sure I understand. Please 'splain.

I was just using the punchline of Mav's joke to rib you a little. It was supposed to be funny. :)

Roosters can't talk dumb face. :mad:

Originally Posted by: earthman buckI was just using the punchline of Mav's joke to rib you a little. It was supposed to be funny. :)

;)

Originally Posted by: earthman buckI was just using the punchline of Mav's joke to rib you a little. It was supposed to be funny. :)

Oops. Missed that one. Sorry. :o

Originally Posted by: iihollyRoosters can't talk dumb face. :mad:

Uhhh huhhh ... I seen Charlets Web ... all the animals talked on it. They are just really good at not letting people know about it. Its all just another goverment conspirecy.

Originally Posted by: MAVERIC777Uhhh huhhh ... I seen Charlets Web ... all the animals talked on it. They are just really good at not letting people know about it. Its all just another goverment conspirecy.

I think it's the animals behind the conspiracy. They can talk, they just choose not to say anything around us, their savage captors. One day, when the cats and dogs can figure out how to work the can openers, we're all doomed. Rumor has it that the cats have been working strenously on the 'Opposable Thumb Project' or the OTP as it's known.

God help us all if they are successful.

I think animals can talk, but chose not to, so as to stop people expecting anything from them...

thats what I would have done, had I not spoken before I really thought about it :p