The Coast Guard found they had too many officers and chief petty officers and
decided to offer an early retirement bonus. They promised any officer
who volunteered for retirement a bonus of $1,000 for every inch measured
in a straight line between any two points in his body.
The officer and the chief got to choose what those two points would be.
The first officer who accepted asked that he be
measured from the top of his head to the tip of his toes. He was
measured at six feet and walked out with a bonus of $72,000.
The second officer who accepted was a little smarter
and asked to be measured from the tip of his outstretched hands
to his toes. He walked out with $96 ,000.
The third one was a non commissioned officer, a crusty old
Chief who, when asked where he would like to be
measured replied, "From the tip of my weenie to my testicles." It was
suggested by the pension man that he might want to reconsider, explaining about
the nice big checks the previous two officers had received. But
the old Chief insisted and they decided to go along with him
providing the measurement was taken by a medical officer. The medical officer
arrived and instructed the Chief to "drop 'em," which he did. The
medical officer placed the tape measure on the tip of the Chief's
weenie and began to work back. Dear Lord!" he suddenly exclaimed, "Where
are your testicles?"
The old Chief calmly replied, " Vietnam ."
