Holy ****!! ,
Just came across your release of emotions and then read all the replies!! What an amazing world this is to post your feelings and have them acknowledged by complete strangers. No, I am not patronizing you I am merely observing how you call - out for help and you attract an overwhelming supply of support. Yep, I been there and I've felt my brother go through it to - and he is on the so-called "spiritual path", trying to be a great first time dad and hold on to a career. It's not easy being here and experiencing life's f**ked-upness ( is that a word??) . The best thing I can give you is to listen to your heart and not your mind. Your mind is the one that plays tricks of insecurity, hopelessness and feeling abandoned - its your heart that KNOWS you are never alone, always loved, always cherished - yet we always seem to want to believe the mind coz its easier believing the nasty and that everyone is against you - than KNOWing that your loved and you've got nothing to worry about - (where's the excitement in that?). You say that things are never gonna get better - of course they won't if you don't do what Gad says and change it. If you're not gonna do it who will? and don't forget if you want a job done well- do it yourself. That's what this life is,one big task, work, job, always evolving. You don't know how to deal with things coz you've never been there before. Keep telling yourself your girlfriend was good for you then, maybe she's not good for you now. That's not putting anyone down - its just moving on, evolving. I'm a little embarrassed to reply to you coz I think I sound like a raving lunatic. But you're letter has come at a good time for me - since its brought up ideas that i'd forgotten but needed to hear again so in helping you, you have helped me.
A little about myself, well, I hate my f*cking job, but I chose it. I've distanced myself from my friends, but I wanted to . I needed breathing space, now I feel alone. And I'll share with you a bad experience. I just went to a wedding where my ex was a groomsman and was with his new girlfriend, and I sat at a table of 11 people - all couples except me the only single chick at the table. **** it hurt but I was there for my friends who were gettting married. My man was good for me then but I don't want to put up with him now( I still love him, but that doesn't mean I have to like him!) Oh and my best friend and her fiance exchanged ph. no. s to keep in touch with him! guess how left out I felt!! Anyways after i had a good cry, wrote some lyrics, got angry I now think its pretty ****ing funny, and I should get over myself or brush away the cobwebs and just get laid! Phew that was a release I needed! Thanks again! and don't die coz everyone knows you too well and you'll be missed heaps
love Jasmina
