Jokes

What's the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?

Eventually one will mature and start earning money.

these are a few :

a blonde and a brunnete are in a car, they pull up to the traffic light and stop, it is red , it changes to green and they sit there for ten minuets and then the blonde says to the other one "why aren't you going?" the brunnete "i am not driving!!"

:D

A blonde and a red head and brunnete walk into a bar, well , you can't blame the blonde!!!!!!!

:D

a lawer had a fairy godmother and she said to him, " i will give you 3 wishes, but, what ever you wish for every lawer will get 1 more or double whatever" so the lawer agreed, " i want a rolex" "you know that every other lawer....." "yes!!! the lawer shouted so he got his rolex and went to work, every other lawer had two, so ate lunch the fairy came back and said "ou know what you want next?" "yes , a lexus!!" the fairy said "you ........" "I KNOW!" so he got one and every other lawer got 2. a couple of days passed, the fairy turned up, "i suppose you want something else, i won't say anything else", "yes i want to donate a kidney"


if you don't understand here:


the other lawers donated 2 kidneys so died

I've seen two lawyer jokes and still have yet to see it spelled "lawyer." That said, Reality, that lawyer joke is HILARIOUS.

Did you hear that scientists are doing research with lawyers now?

There are some things that even rats won't do

Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonI've seen two lawyer jokes and still have yet to see it spelled "lawyer." That said, Reality, that lawyer joke is HILARIOUS.

o ya? check again, hehehe

What's the difference between a fiddle & a violin?
Who cares - neither one's a guitar!

Originally Posted by: PRSplayaWhy are so many guitarists jokes one liners ?

So the rest of the band can understand them[/QUOTE]

Originally Posted by: PRSplaya"Mommy! Mommy! When I grow up I want to be a guitar player!"
"Now Johnny, you can't do both!"

[quote=Leedogg]What's the difference between a guitarist and a savings bond?

Eventually one will mature and start earning money.

LMFAO these are some of the funniest jokes I've ever seen.

A lawyer is driving through town and rolls through a stop sign. Well, he never saw the cop sitting there. So the cop gets behind him and pulls him over. The lawyer thinks to himself, "I know the law better than this cop, I'll be able to get out of this ticket." So the cop comes up to the window and asks for his license and registration. The lawyer says, "No, I'm not giving you my license or registration unless you tell me why you pulled me over." The cop says, "Well sir you didn't stop at the stop sign, you just slowed down." The lawyer says, "So? You tell me the difference between stop and slow down." The cop says, "Sir, step out of the car." The lawyer gets out, and the cop starts bashing him brutally with his nightstick, and the cop says, "You want me to stop or slow down?"

[font=trebuchet ms]A Scot, an Englishman, and an Irishman are comparing the hospitality and generosity of their favourite pubs. The Scot says "At my local, your fifth drink is always on the house." The Englishman counters with the claim that his preferred publican always chips in for the fourth pint. "Ah, now, 'tis nothin't'all." says the Irishman. "At me fav'rit, ye gits a free drink as soon as ye arrive, and more again after that. And when you've had your fill o' drink, you'll be escorted to a room and the lads'll make sure ye gets laid." Well, the other two weren't having that, and they demanded to know if this had actually happened to him. "Well, to be sure, not meself 'xactly. T'was me sister, y'know."[/font]

Patient: Doctor Doctor! There's a strawberry stuck to my bum!

Doctor: Don't worry, i have some cream for that

why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

What's the difference between a seagull and a guitarist?
>>>The seagull can still leave a deposit on a BMW.

A drunk is at the bar late one night. He comes out of the bathroom with vomit all over his shirt. He says to the bartender, "my wife is gonna kill me, she'll know I was drinking too much again." Bartender says, "here's $5...tell her some other drunk puked on you and gave you the money to clean your shirt." Relieved that he has a believable lie, he heads home. His wife sees his shirt, but before she can lay into him he tells his story and points to the five poking halfway out his shirt pocket. She replies, "he gave you $5 to clean it eh? Well then where did the other $5 right next to it come from?"
The drunk replies, "oh yeah, that stupid drunk crapped in my pants too!"

How many lead guitarist does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Only 1, The guitarist holds the light bulb and the whole world revolves around him :D

Originally Posted by: Blues_ManOnly 1, The guitarist holds the light bulb and the whole world revolves around him :D

Amen :D

Originally Posted by: Blues_ManHow many lead guitarist does it take to screw in a light bulb?


Only 1, The guitarist holds the light bulb and the whole world revolves around him :D

dude if you made a joke up, my hats off to you ;)

did you know wherever there is four catholic priests gathered, you can always find a fifth?

i already told this one on the tattoo thread but here goes.....a man goes to get his first tattoo at the local parlour. the artist asks what he would like a the man says"i want a $100 bill on my penis." the artist is shocked since it is the man's first tattoo. the artist asks the man for 3 good reasons why he has asked for this strange request for his first tattoo. the man replies "well.....1. i like to play with my money..... 2. i like to see my money grow........3. if my wife wants to blow a hundred bucks she can stay at home and do it!! :D