ok, here it is. I wrote somewhat of a poem the other day that I want to turn into song lyrics. 2 things...I would love it if someone could help me with that, and I want to see if any of you can figure out what it's about / break it down. anyway, here it goes:
"Deep inside this cave of darkness,
There are no walls, yet no way out.
Full of void and soaked with sadness,
No emotion can turn it inside out.
Without the sence of sight, nor sound, nor feel,
The emptyness consumes the nothing that's left.
Day by day the numbness grows,
Bringing with it pain and sorrow.
Try as they may to find a way out,
The tears of suffering become lost in the shadows.
Solitude is all that's left."
What do you think.....sorry it was so dark.
[Edited by PRSplaya on 01-22-2004 at 11:00 AM]
turn this into lyrics
# 1
its about a mental depression maybe everythin is virtual yet felt so real cus this pertsona's feelings are being felt no more or rather turning to negativeness where the persona feels dark all the time, sorrow,.
"Deep inside this cave of darkness, - the mind as a cave is hollow no real thought but that fuzz like darkness thick and heavy.
There are no walls, yet no way out. - literally u can think positive it can be done but ur soo over come with sadness it turns into self pity..so you have no real walls but something is keeping the persona in the cage of negativeness.
Full of void and soaked with sadness," - like before sort of like theres void if u wanna be creative for example or think about what that persona wants to think but his world has been replaced by sadness.
No emotion can turn it inside out.
Without the sence of sight, nor sound, nor feel,
The emptyness consumes the nothing that's left.
nothing is felt but decay in a way decay feeding on its own decay.
Day by day the numbness grows,
Bringing with it pain and sorry.
this i can relate to..its true u get worse day by day u open ur eyes and its like F@*! another day to face...feeling even more numb.
Try as they may to find a way out,
The tears of suffering become lost in the shadows.
Solitude is all that's left."
very negative ending, but its like that before u really find a way out..and sometimes u fall back in the hole so its a vicious cycle.
it gets to a point where solitude is better cus ur so caught up in a frenzy of negativeness that solas is best..besides when u do come into contact with ppl u end up pushing em away.
thats my intrpretation.
but i cant help u turn it into lyrics..cus if i could id help me turn my "poetry" or whatever u wanna call it into lyrics.hhee
"Deep inside this cave of darkness, - the mind as a cave is hollow no real thought but that fuzz like darkness thick and heavy.
There are no walls, yet no way out. - literally u can think positive it can be done but ur soo over come with sadness it turns into self pity..so you have no real walls but something is keeping the persona in the cage of negativeness.
Full of void and soaked with sadness," - like before sort of like theres void if u wanna be creative for example or think about what that persona wants to think but his world has been replaced by sadness.
No emotion can turn it inside out.
Without the sence of sight, nor sound, nor feel,
The emptyness consumes the nothing that's left.
nothing is felt but decay in a way decay feeding on its own decay.
Day by day the numbness grows,
Bringing with it pain and sorry.
this i can relate to..its true u get worse day by day u open ur eyes and its like F@*! another day to face...feeling even more numb.
Try as they may to find a way out,
The tears of suffering become lost in the shadows.
Solitude is all that's left."
very negative ending, but its like that before u really find a way out..and sometimes u fall back in the hole so its a vicious cycle.
it gets to a point where solitude is better cus ur so caught up in a frenzy of negativeness that solas is best..besides when u do come into contact with ppl u end up pushing em away.
thats my intrpretation.
but i cant help u turn it into lyrics..cus if i could id help me turn my "poetry" or whatever u wanna call it into lyrics.hhee
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 2
That was a very good interpretation!
Anybody else interpret in a different way? or should I go on and let you all know where I was comming from?.....
Anybody else interpret in a different way? or should I go on and let you all know where I was comming from?.....
# 3
id like to know har har har
har har
har har
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 4
The idea came from the fact that I have a hard time getting any of my thoughts out of my head.
"Deep inside this cave of darkness" - the cave being a persons mind/head. and the word darkness kindof sets the mood so to speak
"There are no walls, yet no way out." - since thoughts arent a physical thing, wherever they're hiding is not an actual physical place. so, there are no wall, but yet wherever they are, they can't be found and they can't get out
"Full of void and soaked with sadness," - describing the "place" where the thought's are
"No emotion can turn it inside out." - no matter what is done this place can't be turned inside out which would let the thoughts out
"Without the sence of sight, nor sound, nor feel,
The emptyness consumes the nothing that's left." - in physical terms if you can't see it, hear it, or feel it, basically it's nothing. the nothing being the thoughts that are left in this place, and the emptyness of this place takes over the nothing(thoughts) and caused them to hide deeper
"Day by day the numbness grows,
Bringing with it pain and sorrow." - the emotional numbness that is caused by these thoughts not being able to be let out caused more sadness
"Try as they may to find a way out,
The tears of suffering become lost in the shadows.
Solitude is all that's left." - no matter how hard a thought tries to come out it just ends up being consumed and lost with all the other "lost thoughts". and since nothing is around them and nothing can get close to them, they are residing in solitude.
Like I said earlier, you were extremely close to my interpretation. ;)
"Deep inside this cave of darkness" - the cave being a persons mind/head. and the word darkness kindof sets the mood so to speak
"There are no walls, yet no way out." - since thoughts arent a physical thing, wherever they're hiding is not an actual physical place. so, there are no wall, but yet wherever they are, they can't be found and they can't get out
"Full of void and soaked with sadness," - describing the "place" where the thought's are
"No emotion can turn it inside out." - no matter what is done this place can't be turned inside out which would let the thoughts out
"Without the sence of sight, nor sound, nor feel,
The emptyness consumes the nothing that's left." - in physical terms if you can't see it, hear it, or feel it, basically it's nothing. the nothing being the thoughts that are left in this place, and the emptyness of this place takes over the nothing(thoughts) and caused them to hide deeper
"Day by day the numbness grows,
Bringing with it pain and sorrow." - the emotional numbness that is caused by these thoughts not being able to be let out caused more sadness
"Try as they may to find a way out,
The tears of suffering become lost in the shadows.
Solitude is all that's left." - no matter how hard a thought tries to come out it just ends up being consumed and lost with all the other "lost thoughts". and since nothing is around them and nothing can get close to them, they are residing in solitude.
Like I said earlier, you were extremely close to my interpretation. ;)
# 5
I hope you have some awesome Sabbath - like riffs to go along with those
Alas Gandalf lives, Middle Earth is again safe...
# 6
I haven't sat down and tried to put any kind of music to it yet, but it does have a Sabbathesqness(don't you love how you can manipulate the english language) to it. Right now I just trying to shorten it into song lyrics. haven't made any progress yet though. I'll probably have to take the basic story/theme of the poem and rewrite it to fit a song format. But good idea with the Sabbath tone.
# 7
well good luck it sure is a nice bit to read..
if u can adpt it to music [personally i have no idea to go about doing that which id like to eventually]
but i knooow where its coming from
-trying in vain to
releases these thoughts from my brain - hehe
if u can adpt it to music [personally i have no idea to go about doing that which id like to eventually]
but i knooow where its coming from
-trying in vain to
releases these thoughts from my brain - hehe
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 8
here we go, this is just a rough draft of what I've come up with so far:
why must it be so hard
to let these thoughts go free
the walls of the mind
surrounded by me
why...must it be so hard
why...must it feel so bad
why...must I feel this way
why...can't I be set free
lost thoughts are born each day
though they alway's fade away
full of void and soaked with sadness
emptyness is all I feel
why...must it be so hard
why...must it feel so bad
why...must I feel this way
why...can't I be set free
I know it'll probalby change some once I put some music to it, but at least closer than I was. what do ya'll think?
why must it be so hard
to let these thoughts go free
the walls of the mind
surrounded by me
why...must it be so hard
why...must it feel so bad
why...must I feel this way
why...can't I be set free
lost thoughts are born each day
though they alway's fade away
full of void and soaked with sadness
emptyness is all I feel
why...must it be so hard
why...must it feel so bad
why...must I feel this way
why...can't I be set free
I know it'll probalby change some once I put some music to it, but at least closer than I was. what do ya'll think?
# 9
ok this is my problem here
Both versions are good - i prefer the first draft which i know was the main text and u wanted to turn it into lyrics.
but why do u have to convert it so to speak into lyric form
ok i know that u dont have to, but like i dunno it always feels like its because of this lyric type feel that i cant write 'songs' cus they seem to be lacking [yea of the music and vocals haha]
MMM i dunno do u usually listen to totally non mainstream bands that have prose like lyrics or something it can be done for sure - u know do whats best for ur own way.
Ahhh this thinking..drives me nuts..:O
i dont like he structure it has now verse/chorus/verse type of pattern....
ok thats no help to you.
I like what ur getting at but i liked it better when it ws whole not done up to be lyrics.
Both versions are good - i prefer the first draft which i know was the main text and u wanted to turn it into lyrics.
but why do u have to convert it so to speak into lyric form
ok i know that u dont have to, but like i dunno it always feels like its because of this lyric type feel that i cant write 'songs' cus they seem to be lacking [yea of the music and vocals haha]
MMM i dunno do u usually listen to totally non mainstream bands that have prose like lyrics or something it can be done for sure - u know do whats best for ur own way.
Ahhh this thinking..drives me nuts..:O
i dont like he structure it has now verse/chorus/verse type of pattern....
ok thats no help to you.
I like what ur getting at but i liked it better when it ws whole not done up to be lyrics.
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 10
eliminate all preconceptions of song structure songwriting and playing etc.. and ull get to write YOURE songs
i find that when i compare something i wrote to something thats already been a song i cant write anymore, so it really kills me.
:confused: like hell
i find that when i compare something i wrote to something thats already been a song i cant write anymore, so it really kills me.
:confused: like hell
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 11
I was just trying to take the main jest of what I already had (which wouldn't fit into my style of songwriting) and come up with some song lyrics. I know it's not great, but it's still just a work in progress, and there is no real structure to it yet, I was just putting things down. however I write the music will determine the structure of the lyrics.
# 12
yea i know but my mind likes to confuse me into thinking loops...
honey nut tooo !!
the walls of the mind surrounded by me...
maybe im understanding it wrong but theres virtual walls surrounded by you, so like theres 2 barriers..
i know u really mean - that ur the one who built this wall is keeping erect and is also seeing it as a wall.
I was imgining some vocals fading into eachother when u say WHY ...is it etc..
WHY....
:D
honey nut tooo !!
the walls of the mind surrounded by me...
maybe im understanding it wrong but theres virtual walls surrounded by you, so like theres 2 barriers..
i know u really mean - that ur the one who built this wall is keeping erect and is also seeing it as a wall.
I was imgining some vocals fading into eachother when u say WHY ...is it etc..
WHY....
:D
'i dont have low self esteem, it's a mistake. I have low esteem for everyone else' - Daria
# 13
the first verse does kinda leave you hanging. but you are right about the 2 barriers. it's like if the thoughts could get past the "walls" they still have to be able to get out of me and off my chest. you're also right about the chorus. I was hearing it in my head like someone shouting "why..." and while holding it, the rest of the line is sung. I really only like the chorus, but like I said, I was just jotting some stuff down to help get me in the right direction.
# 14
