One Drug (Closer) ... {please critique!}

Hello, my name is Zack Katz. I've written a new song, and I'd like to have it critiqued.

The song was inspired by a discussion that I had about whether drugs tap into a vein of existance that allows a preview of the afterlife. It's also about suicide in the face of addiction. It is a new style of song writing for me, and an evolution.

The song features cascading organs, a hypnotic beat, and dark, foreboding lyrics.

One Drug (Closer)

I would appreciate it if people would review this, and my other songs.

Thanks!
-Zack
http://www.zackkatz.com/songs

One Drug (Closer)

trees become a wall of motion
drawing shadows with the headlights on
my future is always weaving
i don't know how long until it's done

the cadence of the needle's march
pushing ninety, and wrapping thread
groping for a rung of the ladder
one drug closer to heaven
one drug closer to heaven

sometimes when i drive at night
the white lines sing soft lullabyes
an ocean song; the waves of travel
calling, guiding me to a rocky shore
one drug closer to heaven (one drug closer)
one drug closer to heaven (one drug closer)

[Edited by Zack Katz on 05-25-2003 at 05:50 AM]

Again the Nick Cave influence is very (too ?) obvious during your vocals.

I think this is probably "last track on the album material" not that that is a bad thing ! How about bringing the whole thing together at the end and introducing bass, guitar and drums ? Ever listen to Talking Heads, they did a song called "Memories can't wait" on "Fear of music". This song is very strange to begin with and comes together wonderfully at the end. May be expand on the heart beat theme with a kick drum, bring in the snare and bass & guit ! It will be hard to avoid clichés but I think it is possible...

You may also want to watch your vocal range, it sounds like you are trying to hit notes that are too low for you. This may or may not be true however that is the way it sounds to my ear. This is fixable with plugins like Autotune (for Sonar) or doing another take or even punching in !

Best of luck dude !

what does "punching in" mean, doc?

It is where you re-record a small bit of a track leaving the surrounding material untouched. I generally use this technique to edit our unwanted notes in an other wise good take. It is another reason to keep good studio logs as you want to make sure that the input signal strength, effect levels and eq are all set the same for your punch piece as they were for the original or you won’t get a seamless edit.

If you can use a scrub view the best way to pun in is to pick a point where the sound wave has a "zero" value and this will ensure you don’t get any "pops" !

Thanks, Doc!

Hey, Zack, just downloaded your mp3. Should I critique your song or recording techniques? Songwise, I think it needs a little more something...something to make me want to stop everything else and turn it WAAAY up. But I'm listening to this at work, and I can't very well blast it.

I think you did a great job in recording, however, again, it's hard to say since I couldn't crank it loud enough for nitpicking purposes.

I generally speaking,as a matter of principle,don't like critiquing other people's songs,coz I get this feeling like I'm telling you how you should say what you want to say,and I have no right or reason(except,perhaps,that you asked me to)to do that.In a face to face to face situation,I'm the kind of guy that just sits down and listens,without giving suggestions or anything,basically hearing you out,and if I got something similar,maybe I'll tell you about it,and so on.The things people have said to me over my lifetime have made me learn to keep my toughts to myself and to learn to listen and believe people for the sake of listening to and believing people.
I know we all want to hear what others(musicians like ourselves) think of our work,but still.The only thing I would do is,once I understand you and can relate to what you're saying,then maybe I can tell you how I'd say the things you're saying.
Just me.

One of the reasons this forum was created was to offer a place specifically for critiquing: songs, recording technique and song writing mixing mastering etc etc.

I for one really enjoy listening to people dissect the stuff I post...as long as it is constructive! Some comments I take on board and act on and others I ignore.

A comment is only a comment, not the word of god !

I enjoy the complements and don’t take the criticisms to heart !

I can understand your apprehension, although you forget one thing: as a musician, I get too "close" too a song to hear it with fresh ears. I can notice, and correct, small details and mistakes. However, I don't have the opportunity to hear it for the first time.
I am a writer on top of being a musician, and constructive criticism is the best thing for a writer's work. I would not only like my song to be critiqued, but the lyrics also. If not especially. Songs are about being able to get lyrics across acoustically.

Anyway, please do critique my song, my lyrics, my voice, my life--anything that you think would help make me better as a musician.

Thanks,
Zack

Hi Zack,

Since this is a "guitar" forum, you can guess what most of us are gonna say about your song: it needs some guitar! At least that's my opinion.

I think the lyrics are pretty cool, though, and the hypnotic keyboards are, well, hypnotic. I suggest a David Gilmore-like solo emerging from the silence in the middle of the song, maybe beginning kind of soft and low (like from a distance) and building to a crystal clear, soaring solo. Is that possible with computer-recording software? That part of the song sounds very Pink Floyd-ish to me (and I love Floyd--hence my signature), so why not have a Gilmore solo there?

Cool recording, though. And it may be that you don't want guitar in the mix. But as it is, the piece is more like a poem than a song. Cheers to your creativity!

David

Originally posted by David C
...David...

Is it just me,or is the name David a bit too common.You're David.So am I.So is Lordathestrings.Where I live,in a row of five homes,only one doesn't have a David.In high school,there were about six or seven Davids(in a school of around 700 guys)at any one time.

Do you think Davy Crockett's real name was David, too? Or was his legal name "Davy"?

It's a Christian thing. It is thought by the Christians that Jesus was descended from the "House of David," although the Jews have other reasons for revering the great Biblical King. And don't forget that David (ostensibly) wrote the Psalms, so we have a musical hero here as well. I can see him now beside the still waters playing his lute and composing the Lord's Prayer.

I was told that the name means "beloved of God," but don't quote me on that. Makes sense, though. I had a Mexican friend named Telophilo, and he translated that as "David." "Philo" meaning love and "telos" meaning original cause, or God.

It's like the name Mohammed in Moslem countries: ubiquitous.

I thought about changing my username to something more interesting, but decided to just leave well enough alone.

David