Thrash Song I Wrote

This song is about the Holocaust. It doesn't really rhyme (it's thrash, so it doesn't have to), and the music is like 10 minutes long:

Hellocaust
Raven Xalus

Rotting in the black of night
Gas waters my eyes
I want to die before I suffer
This torture isn't worth living

Serve the angels of Hell
Drown in my fear
I'm dying in this whirlpool
While acid eats away at my soul

I'm in the Hellocaust!
And it's raining blood
I'm in the Hellocaust!
Following religion for the price of death
I'm in the Hellocaust!
You're torturing with pride
I'm in the Hellocaust!
My fear means nothing now

Haio Archangel!
In the land of war
Crusaders of the dead we are
Watching eachother die

I wait for the line to form
Picking the ones who die today
I smile when my brother dies
Cause it's another day I stay alive!

I may be wrong, but I don't think you are a holocaust survior. You may do a lot of research, talk to surviors, and write a great paper or book on the holocaust, but writing songs consists of your personal feelings. Songs are poetry that comes from the heart.

May I suggest you try writing a song from your own experiences and feelings. It does have to be anything spectular. It can be a trip to zoo as a kid or a bad date. Write what you are and not what you think you or others think you should be. Be yourself and write about yourself.

I am curious. What kind of music do you write? I think you may have some natural talent and you need to write what you feel and try to happy. Depression is a terrible thing and what this world needs is to cheer up.

Don't cut yourself down. There's enough people full of eny of your talents and will do all the cutting for you.

Keep trying. Don't give up. And be happy!

In all do respect Songman, plenty of people have wrote songs about things they didn't experience. Great songs at that. Take Iron Maiden's "The Trooper" for example. You can try to capture moments in history and put them into song, and it can tell a good story.

Raven, write about whatever floats your boat. Thats what I'd say anyways.

Opinions are like butt holes.
Everyone has one.

Yes, he is correct. Songs have been written about times in history, etc. And there are times these songs are very successful without the writer ever experiencing them. However, I do not believe a writer of song, book, or just a poem can't honestly convey pain, death, love, sorry, whatever, without ever experiencing it. You can tell a story, but can you tell of what the holocaust was really like without experiencing it? I don't think so.

Raven, to have a successful song you have to get by the label company, there lawyers, owners, etc. The preformer, unless they have already hit the big time and I mean big, have little or no say in what song they do or how they do it. They have a contract with the label and they have to do as they are told.

The songwriter gets very little of the profits. This is why I asked you, who are you writing for? If you are writing for yourself, go ahead and enjoy. If you are writing to get your song out there or to preform it yourself, then you must write to please the majority while keeping it your own.

Here's something else to consider. You may have written the hottest HMetal song that ever hit the scene, but the label has say in how it is to be preformed. They may change it into Rap, Blues, Country, etc. You have no say in the matter.

All of us have a natural talent. I beleive the words and thought, even though the words didn't rythme, are very good. I believe if you start writing about what you've experienced and worked of the rythme, and I mean work very hard, you will produce some great songs.

Of course, it's up to you. Like I said everyone has an opinion. Which one do you think is best for you? Whatever you do, do not stop writing.

Originally Posted by: SongmanOpinions are like butt holes.
Everyone has one.

Yes, he is correct. Songs have been written about times in history, etc. And there are times these songs are very successful without the writer ever experiencing them. However, I do not believe a writer of song, book, or just a poem can't honestly convey pain, death, love, sorry, whatever, without ever experiencing it. You can tell a story, but can you tell of what the holocaust was really like without experiencing it? I don't think so.

Whatever you do, do not stop writing.

Songman, you and I are going to have to agree to disagree on this. IF the context that you as a writer are incapable of capturing feelings without the experience, then there would be no fiction. None. No movies. And most songs that have been a success would have never been recorded. Your local bookstore would have one giant Autobiography section. The true talent of a writer is his ability to capture and relate those things. Of course, it's hghly unlikely that Raven was in the Holocaust but he understands death and horror. Did you see the people leaping from the Twin Towers on 9/11? Remember those feelings? Recall that gutwrenching, soul sucking emptiness when you saw the Towers fall? When you heard about the planes hitting the Pentagon and the heros on the flight over Pennsylvania? Now, those were powerful images and truly horrible day in World History. If you saw those images, you can imagine the absolute horror those victims dealt with. No, you can't taste the death that they did, but you can imagine. And you, as a writer, can relate what you imagine. I can't remember the name of the actual song, but Neil Young wrote one that was quite popular for a while about what happened on Flight 93. He wasn't there. But it was a powerful song.

Although I do agree, never stop writing. It's an evolving process. I'm a better writer now than I was when I started years ago and hopefully I'll better in the future. But no matter, I will keep trying. It's not about the success you have professionally, it's about the success you have personally. :)

Now there's a song title!

You cannot have personal satisifaction without pleasing others. Their pleasure is what gives you satisfaction. To have the talent and write just to please yourself is very selfish anyway. That's like God gave you a cure for cancer and you just keep it to yourself, family, and friends.

To see someone you may or not know jumping from a building on televison is not the same as holding your best friends riddled body in you arms as he begs you to save his life.

Don't get me wrong. Raven can write about things she hasn't experienced, or she can take the her experiences and feelings and use them to write about these things, however, I truly believe she should start with her own experiences first and then she has a base to grown on.

Whatever she does, is has be her true feelings not something made up.

I'm sure you realize that most successful songs are not written my a single writer that writes from his soul. Labels have a staff of writers that sit around and do nothing but write songs. They don't write a song from inspritation. The label reviews these songs and decides what to record and they will base there decision on the market. What will make money. Then they may rewrite and change the music and pick a performer and maybe, just maybe, one out of thousands will be a hit and make them money.

So, an independent writer is not going to make it by just jotting down anything. The independent writer creates, creates the songs that are around for years and years not for just a couple of weeks. These are the great songs! These are the songs people sing while driving to work or in the shower. These are the songs that last forever. These are written by independent song writers that experienced the emotions that they conveyed. These are true. This is pure honesty.

Enough, I'm done. I will not say anything more on the subject. Like I said it's just my opinion and that and $40 bucks may get your a tank of gas.

Goodbye

Well gee, that takes all the fun out of an open discourse if you're not going to stick around. Sorry man, I certainly didn't mean it to come off like I was angry or anything. Not so. We just have a difference of opinion. I still think that one should not limit themselves when writing, especially when just starting. To the young, their imagination is far more powerful and detailed than their personal experiences. Use them both. Write about the things you know because you've lived them AND write about those things you can only imagine. They both serve the same purpose. To help you grow as an artist.

Nuts. I have got to learn to keep my overly-opinionated mouth shut... :(

Well I like it, Post it when you Record it. LOL :cool:

I redid the song, tell me what you think of this version with.....more terror. These words fit all the music.

Hellocaust
Raven Xalus

Foreign eyes watch me crawl
Across the cold hard ground
They grab me and say
You're gonna die the way I want you to
Rotting stars drip acid
Into my mouth while I suffer decay
In the cattle cars I'm riding to my death
Where its so crowd I can barely move my arms

I see the barbed wire fence
Marking the gate of Auschwitz
Burning flesh stings my eyes
I don't know
What's going on
The terror is too much to take
You might as well shoot me with
The mutant pistol it's a waste anyway
Because this is pain that I'm feeling
In this genocide
Blood fills my stomach as the ulcer sinks in
Raped in this night while I work for my life
What is this Hell? Who are these demons?
I wanna know before they shower me with death

I'm in the Hellocaust
It's raining blood and I have to drink it to stay alive
I'm in the Hellocaust
Following religion for the price of death
Is this pain worth my tourniquet?
I need medicine filled with blood
My rage overcomes my fear
I wanna grab the devil's gun
And shoot it to the sky

Pump me up with acid rain
As it cleanses me of my life
Drown in my blood
Why should I eat this cancerous mole?
I hate this life lined up in the stocks

Burn the dead we must
To survive this furious Hell
The pressure is squeezing my brain
Out my eye sockets
The smell of death seems so tempting
Run for the barbed wire just to get shot
With death we die
Satan looks down on us with his bent cross and a dead beat sinner
He's the archangel we must support
Why oh why can't we just die?

Here comes the line
It's started to form
Please pick me
To go to get life drained
My brother smiles as they take me away
Because it's another day that he stays alive!!

My thoughts would go as followed:

I think you hit the sick and twisted death metal thing right on the head. Its a well written song with some good thought applied. My only thing is, the halocaust is a pretty touchy subject. I mean, millions of people were murdered. Its no joke, its no gross scenario you made up. It actually happened. Could come off as offensive. Just a thought...

Originally Posted by: grizzlymintMy only thing is, the halocaust is a pretty touchy subject. I mean, millions of people were murdered. Its no joke, its no gross scenario you made up. It actually happened. Could come off as offensive. Just a thought...

Hmm....you make a good point....

But i wrote the first take in history class, and the SECOND take in history class as well while we were learning bout the Holocaust. I wanted to write a song about it because of its brutality and evilness, and how it really breathed to be used in death metal, even though it has been done to death.

Take for example, Angel of Death by Slayer. If you read the lyrics and know about the Holocaust, the resemblence is there. Also, there is Red Sector A by Rush. Another one of my Holocaust faves.

See how it's been done before? I'm probably just gonna keep the song for myself if I can't get it popular the way it is.

Hey, I say write about whatever you want. Theres songs on every single subject in the world, no matter how offensive they may be. Obviously they only appeal to a certain crowd, but thats the way most of music is.

Originally Posted by: ravenx495
Following religion for the price of death

Don't quite get this one bud... You mean religion as in judaism (spelling?)? If so, you might want to make another change, all jews were brought there. Religion didn't matter.

Originally Posted by: ericthecableguyDon't quite get this one bud... You mean religion as in judaism (spelling?)? If so, you might want to make another change, all jews were brought there. Religion didn't matter.

I meant as in that specific person was performing the jew religion before they were taken away.

Originally Posted by: SongmanSongs are poetry that comes from the heart.

Songman, i no ur probably long gone but just a word, i felt for the holocaust victims right in the heart. so i wrote these songs from the heart

It's got some rhythm to it and would probably fit in well with an aggressive thrash metal song. It reminds me of "Angel of Death" for obvious reasons, but you have a different angle on it and a different lyrical style, which is great. But personally, I'd get rid of the "Hellocaust" lyric and thus rename the song - as Grizzly said, the Holocaust is an extremely touchy subject, and a play on the word, even a serious one, could very well be seen as disrespectful and offensive. Also, the sentence that Eric drew attention to is a bit ambiguous.

But good work on the whole. Keep writing, mate :)

Aother good song written about the past is Iron Maidens run to the hills. I doubt that any of the band members lives during the time when america fought the indians

Originally Posted by: guitarrock24Aother good song written about the past is Iron Maidens run to the hills. I doubt that any of the band members lives during the time when america fought the indians

Yeah also Indians by Anthrax