Erics Lit

Registered User
Joined: 07/09/05
Posts: 1,929 all seem to like reading stories, so here's one i wrote for writers craft. It's a mock dystopian kind of...but i wrote it because of a new principal who came into our school and "improved it". I had a step up already, cause the teacher of this class, like most of the others, despised him. There was tons more i wanted to include, but i had to keep it short.

Anyways, I got a 90% on it so i thought i'd share. Anything that sounds stupid is just my screwed sense of humour...I added some notes in red. Enjoy...or don't...whatever.

In our galaxy, there is a planet called Earth. On earth, there lays a country named Canada, and in that country is a small tourist town named Fenway CreekThis town is the home of Fenway Creek Secondary School. .My school is fenlon falls secondary . The school stands proud in its glory, and even during the darkest night, a ray of lights beams on it from the apex of the Heavens.
But don’t be deceived by its charm, for inside works an evil, unprecedented by life or literature. It is an evil that would cause even the Spartan army to personally wet themselves. They call themselves the Totalitarian Control and Omnipotence Bureau, or TCOB. Education is number one, and anything else is bollocks. Students must live by the choices of TCOB or, take the chance of paying with their lives. TCOB is really an acronym for Take Care Of Buisness that the vice principle uses...long story

September 2, 2007. 7:50am
One thousand teenagers crowded the school, which for the last two months had sat vacant, awaiting their arrival. Today, the building smelled of antibacterial cleaner. The lockers had received a fresh coating of forest green paint and music could be heard from portable stereos. Reunited lovers openly and nauseatingly displayed affection for each other. Freshmen students scurried, walking in circles and bumping into one another, desperately scoping the halls for their fluorescent green shirt-wearing saviors We have a program where grade 12's with green shirts tell grade 9's where their classes are. Meanwhile, (most reluctant) returning students toured the freshly waxed halls hopelessly, dreading the year of school that was about to unfold. If only they knew.
Suddenly, a siren started blaring, like a wartime air raid siren. Bewildered students looked frantically to locate the source of the shrill and deafening blare. With that, an authoritative voice came over the intercom. “All students report to the gym immediately!”
The two men waiting in the gym watched the students begin to file in. Each donned a suit blacker than the deepest depths of the deepest hole ever. They seemed in a way, untouchable. “It is almost time.” the taller one said. There was an unmistakably chilling and determined look within his eyes.
The other nodded in agreement. “So it is.”
The murmur of the crowd grew into a roar. Without warning, the fluorescent lights hanging from the ceiling of the gym cut out, leaving the room blacker than the really black suits that the two men were wearing. The commotion of the audience ceased. A solitary spotlight appeared above the taller man. He paced around in front of his captivated audience; basking in the attention the spotlight garnered him. “Cue the theme song,” he said. With that, an epic and haunting melody reminiscent of that of a battle scene in a Hollywood film began to sound quietly, eventually reaching an ominous crescendo. The music carried on quietly as he began to speak. “For years, education has taken second seat to frivolity in this wretched school. Students have been allowed to run free, forgoing vital seconds of education. It ends now. My name is Commander Constantine.The principals real name is Cossarin... This is,” he pointed into the darkness, “Give him a spotlight.” The spotlight shone down on the other man, creating a blinding glare off his cue ball head. He began again, “This is Lieutenant Marsbar.” Vice principles real name is Marsden, just made him dumb in the story for a laugh
Marsbar stepped forward, “For now on, you are at our mercy. We call our administration the Totalitarian Control and Omniscience Bureau, TCOB if I may. That means…um…” he turned to Constantine, who whispered something in his ear. “That means you have to listen to us. Remember, live by choice, not by pants.”
“Chance,” Constantine whispered in his ear.
“Yes, Chance. Live by chance not by pants.”
Constantine shook his head in disgust, and took over the talking. “Things around here will not as you have grown accustomed to. Enjoy this day of freedom; it will be your last. Dismissed.”
The rest September second was carried out as a typical high school day. Maybe this was a tactic of TCOB to increase the effect of the next day’s actions, or maybe they just weren’t prepared. Even though there was freedom at Fenway Creek Secondary School on that day, as Constantine promised, it would be the last.

September 3, 2007. 7:50am
One thousand teenagers again filed into the school; only today they were escorted off the bus and shoed into their classes by camouflage-wearing officers wielding loaded AK-47’s.
The students of Mr. Obusforme’s biology class sat in silence. The small classroom had, had it’s windows boarded up the night before. There was but one light in the classroom. The light illuminated the blackboard—a TCOB tactic to increase focus on learning, and nothing else. No student dared to talk or move. Typically, this would be an educator’s dream environment, but in this particular case, Obusforme was equally anxious. He opened his mouth to begin teaching, when an earsplitting voice invaded the classroom via the intercom. “Stand for the national anthem.”
Sam Wankleknautran bolted down the dim upstairs hallway. He had not yet figured his way around the school. He knew he was in trouble, but not yet how much. When he heard the voice on the announcements order everyone to stand, he began to feel sick. His stomach felt as if the intestines inside of it were being tied into knots. He nearly soiled himself when he saw Constantine come round the corner in the hall ahead of him.
The anthem started. O Canada!
“Stand at attention!” Constantine screamed at Sam.
True Patriot Love,
“What are you doing in the halls?”
“I was…I wa…”
“Shut up!”
The True North strong and free!
Another frightened and lost grade nine came around the corner. “Don’t move!” shrieked Constantine.
God keep our land glorious and free! The teachers really get like's kind of ironic and i wanted to show the contrast
Sam head tilted back, and sneezed. “What do you not understand about showing respect for your country? Do you just wish you defy me?” Constantine’s eyes glared as he kicked Sam with all his might directly in the ribs. Sam screamed fell to his knees, crying. He spit up blood and clutched his broken rib, as Constantine handcuffed him and called for a TCOB officer to drag him to the forbidden room. Sam would never see his family again.
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

# 1
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Joined: 07/09/05
Posts: 1,929
Back in Obusforme’s class, the students looked around (even though nothing but the chalkboard was visible). The repulsive scream from the hall caused quite an upset in the classroom, but no had the audacity to mention it out of fear and uncertainty. The anthem finished, and the authoritarian voice began to speak. It was the voice of Mr. Marsbar. “Pay attention to this morning’s orders. Order one. There will be nothing done in this institution except learning and teaching. The teachers will be learning and the students will…no, the students will be learning, and the teachers will be learn…no,” there was a brief silence. The flipping of pages could be heard on the intercom. “The students will be learning, and the teachers will be teaching.”Ok...this is stupid, but i laughed :D
The voice changed to that of Constantine. “Order two. Headphones, hats and freedom are now contraband.”True
“Order three.” He continued, “If anyone is found standing in the upstairs hallway across from the lodge, in the halls in the first or last twenty minutes of class, or especially near the forbidden room on the third floor, they will be punished without mercy.”True, except the no mercy part
“Order four. Everyone must pay their fifteen thousand dollar student council fun fee by eight o’clock am, tomorrow.”It's really $15, but we get nothing out of it
“Order five. Fun is extinct here. We provide two fun days; Saturday and Sunday.” The students heard him chuckle to himself. “Furthermore, field trips and related excursions are cancelled forever. If anyone has complaints regarding this, our complaint department is open the thirty-first of September, April, June and November.”
The orders continued like this for thirty-two more minutes. So began the first semester of TCOB’s rein of terror. From then on, the spirit of the school deteriorated, and the students and staff succumbed to Constantine’s fascist regime.

September 5, 2007. 7:50am
It had become commonplace for Lord Constantine (as he demanded to be called now) to spy on teachers during their classes to ensure that they were following his strict guidelines. True.As a result, teachers blindly adhered to these laws. Tuesday, November the fifth was no different. When Franz Nottenbourg walked into his geography class one second after the siren rang, Mrs. Lupus sent him directly to the office.
Franz sat in the stainless steel chair at the head of the disciplinarian’s desk. Two blinding lights shone from behind him, as to conceal his identity. “Nottenbourg,” the anonymous figure began. The voice was starting to seem more familiar. Franz shook uncontrollably, overcome by fear. “This is your fifth late this year. Do you know what that means?
Franz opened his mouth, but only a hoarse croak came out.
“Let me tell you what it means. It means you have missed almost five seconds of education. This is not acceptable!” he shrieked. “Does learning mean nothing to you? Does…”
Suddenly Franz realized it was indeed, Constantine grilling him. He realized this, because Marsbar walked into the room, clothed in full Mrs. Claus lingerie, and flicked on the light. “Why so dark boss? Hey, we’re out of Kleenex, and I have a booger. What do I do?”
Constantine shook his head, feeling embarrassed for him. “Leave.”
“OK. Happy Holidays!”
Constantine looked back towards Franz, who was desperately trying not to laugh. “Anyways, you have missed five seconds of class. Normally, this would constitute suspension, and making you miss an entire day of school. But, because of the shame my colleague’s actions you just witnessed could bring to this administration, I will have to deal with you otherwise.”
Franz felt himself being handcuffed, and before he could scream, a gag was stuffed in his mouth. It tasted salty. Then he heard the chainsaw start.
The students of Mr. Obusforme’s class worked diligently on a paper about European plant life, when they heard the voice come on the announcements. “Janitor to Constantine’s office. Janitor to Constantine’s office.”
December 30, 2007. 7:50am
One thousand students filed into the gym for the year-end, non-denominational, holiday assembly.
Constantine walked onto the stage in front of the curtain. He opened his mouth to speak, when the microphone he wore produced a second of shrill feedback. Him and everyone in the crowd winced. He glared at the soundman. “Normally,” he began, “I would never allow students to leave class and forgo their education like this. But what better time than the day before holidays, to make an example out of a few students. I hope you enjoy this as much as I do.” He walked away and the curtains opened. The entire crowd gasped. Hanging above the stage were six nooses. In the each noose, was the neck of a student. Each student had a gag in their mouth, and stood on a wooden crate.
“Can you guess why these people are here?” asked Constantine. He moved to a pretty girl with long, brown hair. “This is Maggie Lawrence. She was caught in the halls nineteen minutes into class.” He moved to the next person. “This is Carlos Whitson. He caught without a hall pass.” He introduced the other four students, three boys and a girl, and listed their charges. “Each has defied school policy, and is somewhat of a heretic in their own right.”
“Now,” he continued, “today is a day of reckoning. For you, the student body will have to make a decision today that you have never had to make before. Today, you must chose whether or not these traitors will die in the name of education. If you are content to exist in a world where education is a triviality, you could have my own head right now. There are one thousand of you, and my TCOB officers are on holidays already—leave it to Marsbar to screw up the booking. I mean, I wrote right in his day-timer, ‘December 30: Day of reckoning. Makes sure officers stick around.’ But, “ he interjected, “If every moment of learning matters, if you realize that every second you are in the classroom, you grow, if you give a damn! If you do, my work here is finished.”
Dani Lawrence stood up from the back of the gym. All eyes were fixed directly on her. “Treason!” she screamed.
“Treason!” echoed a boy in the back.
“Death to the Heretics!” Yelled Mr. Obusforme.
With that, the crowd began to chant, “Treason! Treason! Death to the heretics! Treason! Treason! Death to the heretics!” Constantine’s theme song began to play.
Constantine smiled to himself. My work here is finished.

Meh...It's decent for me. It's a first draft, i wrote the night before that was worth 9% of my mark :eek: . Any questions...just post.
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

# 2
earthman buck
Registered User
Joined: 10/15/05
Posts: 2,953
I like the name "Mr. Obusforme."
# 3
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Joined: 12/08/05
Posts: 1,617
Haha, neat story. If I actually went to this school and was more familiar with the people and events that it's based on, I could better appreciate the satire, but I can see that people who know what you're talking about would get a kick out of it. Aside from some typos (proofreading: you can never do enough ;)), the only problem I really had with it was the ending. It wasn't that it was a bad ending, just that there was nothing really leading into it. You didn't show any progression of the students gradually accepting these things, or really make it ironic or anything, it was just kind of confusing. If you could develop some more things leading into this conclusion, it would strengthen the story a good deal.
You go outside and practice screaming. We'll play music while you're gone.
# 4
Registered User
Joined: 07/09/05
Posts: 1,929
I agree...but it was three o clock am...and i was already 1000 words too long. I had to end it. It's one of those 'you had to be there' stories. I don't love it, but it has it's moments. I could never take writing seriously.
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

# 5