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acapella
Registered User
Joined: 12/08/05
Posts: 1,617
acapella
Registered User
Joined: 12/08/05
Posts: 1,617
02/08/2007 8:50 pm
Haha, neat story. If I actually went to this school and was more familiar with the people and events that it's based on, I could better appreciate the satire, but I can see that people who know what you're talking about would get a kick out of it. Aside from some typos (proofreading: you can never do enough ;)), the only problem I really had with it was the ending. It wasn't that it was a bad ending, just that there was nothing really leading into it. You didn't show any progression of the students gradually accepting these things, or really make it ironic or anything, it was just kind of confusing. If you could develop some more things leading into this conclusion, it would strengthen the story a good deal.
You go outside and practice screaming. We'll play music while you're gone.