ice cream man


mdaddict
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mdaddict
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06/28/2006 1:19 pm
aight guys ive been writing song s for a while and ive never shared them with any one but im gonna share this one cuz i like it it aint very good but i need some opinions corrective criticism and many tips please it aint much and it has a really weird tune its stuipid i dont know but i like storys and weird random lines in asong swry if you were xpectin more it aint much :( at all swry its cheezy too like a lil kid song i wrote it while i was watchin a very cheezy movie



ice cream man oh ice cream man
just give me a lil rocky road in a pan
it dont really matter how many scoops
and dont worry I aint told the troops
but i know how you killed small paul
and everyone else then you grinded them all
ice cream man oh ice cream man
not so innocent anymore are you man

ice cream man oh ice cream man
us kids never stood a chance but we still ran
i know were you keep those special parts
and thats why im hidin in these shoppin carts
ice cream man oh ice cream man
we all have always know your evil plan
i even know how you killed that poor ladies dog
and so geniously hid him behind the big log
ice cream man oh ice cream man
whoops i didnt mean to tell the police your plan
but that really doesnt even matter now
because you killed them all any how
ice cream man oh ice cream man
thats whatcha get for puttin people in ice cream cans
but now you know that youre all dead
so i guess theres nothin to be said
except
ice cream man oh ice cream man
now how does it feel does it even feel real
mr bad guy ice cream man
ice cream man ...............oh ice cream man
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
# 1
mdaddict
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mdaddict
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06/28/2006 2:40 pm
awww iknew noone would like it o wrll told you redspecial :D
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# 2
jreach
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jreach
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06/28/2006 3:52 pm
Song is a bit cheesey but thats ok....Presidents of the United States of America and Ugly Kid Joe were cheesey too and yet catchy.

Only thing that drove me nuts was trying to read the post before and after the message. I am horrible at L3WT speak....sorry must be my age. Post the tab to it or an MP3 so we can get a drift of the tune too.
I use heavy strings, tune low, play hard and floor it. Floor it. That's technical talk.
—SRV
# 3
mdaddict
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mdaddict
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06/28/2006 3:53 pm
ok guys this definately aint my best work i shared a song with this guy whallago and it ws my best 1 he liked it this one is my worst swry i might post a better one later
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# 4
mdaddict
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mdaddict
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06/28/2006 4:04 pm
Originally Posted by: jreachSong is a bit cheesey but thats ok....Presidents of the United States of America and Ugly Kid Joe were cheesey too and yet catchy.

Only thing that drove me nuts was trying to read the post before and after the message. I am horrible at L3WT speak....sorry must be my age. Post the tab to it or an MP3 so we can get a drift of the tune too.

oh thanx every else just voted it stunk idid 2 i need all the help i can get you live in florida?
No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.
# 5
jiujitsu_jesus
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06/28/2006 7:20 pm
I kinda like it, it's got a bit of a Syd Barrett feeling to it :cool:. As long as the music is distinctive and interesting, it ought to be a good song. However, I would replace the line, "then you grinded him and threw him in a bog" with something a bit more distinctive... but keep working on it! :)
"It's all folk music... I ain't never heard no horse sing!"
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l337iZmz r@wk o.K!!!??>
# 6
mdaddict
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06/28/2006 8:57 pm
Originally Posted by: jiujitsu_jesusI kinda like it, it's got a bit of a Syd Barrett feeling to it :cool:. As long as the music is distinctive and interesting, it ought to be a good song. However, I would replace the line, "then you grinded him and threw him in a bog" with something a bit more distinctive... but keep working on it! :)

thanx man i just replaced it idk if its better i had to rewrite that line before but thanx youre inspirational :) i like pink floyd
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# 7
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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06/29/2006 12:12 am
HA! I've heard about that movie!

Only problem: John Brim already wrote a song about an Ice Cream Man, and Van Halen covered it. From the looks of the structure of your song, they're fairly similar.
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My band is better than yours...
# 8
mdaddict
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mdaddict
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06/29/2006 1:08 am
Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonHA! I've heard about that movie!

Only problem: John Brim already wrote a song about an Ice Cream Man, and Van Halen covered it. From the looks of the structure of your song, they're fairly similar.

:confused: really? i sware i didnt know i was watshin the movie and just finished a song neede another topic and that popped into my head
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# 9
ren
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ren
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06/29/2006 7:59 am
Originally Posted by: mdaddict:confused: really? i sware i didnt know i was watshin the movie and just finished a song neede another topic and that popped into my head


he he.... happens to me all the time. I 'write' a killer riff, play it to my bandmates or friends or whatever, and one of them will say 'oh yeah, that's......', and then I realise I've nicked someone else's song. Usually, it changes a bit, but now and again it's been note for note and I hadn't placed it!

Check out my music, video, lessons & backing tracks here![br]https://www.renhimself.com

# 10
mdaddict
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06/29/2006 2:09 pm
Originally Posted by: zreynoldsphe he.... happens to me all the time. I 'write' a killer riff, play it to my bandmates or friends or whatever, and one of them will say 'oh yeah, that's......', and then I realise I've nicked someone else's song. Usually, it changes a bit, but now and again it's been note for note and I hadn't placed it!

yeah thanx i dint think it was a good song neways sum1 said you cant use ice cream for uce cream you need like a meayphor or sumthin?
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# 11
pure
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06/29/2006 10:14 pm
oo never saw this one.
the lines aren't the same syllables.
if you were to sing this, you'd have to go real fast on some lines then slow on some. there are some words you can cut off from some lines and maybe add to others and it'll still make sense.
you can also break it into sections.

other than that, its pretty smart. i liked it, but in my opinion the lines need to be about the same length of syllables.

don't throw it away.
Originally Posted by: schmangeugly fat chicks
# 12
mdaddict
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06/29/2006 10:16 pm
Originally Posted by: pureoo never saw this one.
the lines aren't the same syllables.
if you were to sing this, you'd have to go real fast on some lines then slow on some. there are some words you can cut off from some lines and maybe add to others and it'll still make sense.
you can also break it into sections.

other than that, its pretty smart. i liked it, but in my opinion the lines need to be about the same length of syllables.

don't throw it away.

thank you wonder boy but it does need to be thrown away <3claire
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# 13
pure
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06/29/2006 11:03 pm
Growing up as an artist, I drew some really good drawings. And the rest sucked. So I threw them away. Looking back at my old stuff now, I wish I never tossed them out because if the only works of art you keep are your best, you'll never get to see how good you've actually gotten.
Originally Posted by: schmangeugly fat chicks
# 14
mdaddict
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06/30/2006 1:38 am
Originally Posted by: pureGrowing up as an artist, I drew some really good drawings. And the rest sucked. So I threw them away. Looking back at my old stuff now, I wish I never tossed them out because if the only works of art you keep are your best, you'll never get to see how good you've actually gotten.

thank you pure ill keep it just for you wonderboy
:)
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# 15
earthman buck
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earthman buck
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06/30/2006 2:21 am
*stops Claire in mid-flirt*

I don't think this is a bad song, but like Jolly said, there's a song called 'Ice Cream Man' already. Not that that's really a problem, I'm just sayin'.

And like pure said, you really want to have a definite rhythm for this song. I would suggest changing some of those lines to make them fit better.

The only original suggestion I have is, well, originality. From what I understand, the movie you watched was some cheap horror flick about an ice cream man who hides his victims in ice cream tubs, right? I think it's fine to write songs about movies, but unless you put your own spin on it, what's the point? Right now it's just a song stating exactly what the movie is about.

Just suggestions; if you feel really strongly about these things, keep 'em in by all means.
# 16
jeffhx
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jeffhx
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06/30/2006 6:56 am
takes practise when it comes to writing music...its a good start i liked the lyrics...keep on at it and ull get better...
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# 17
iiholly
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iiholly
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06/30/2006 10:39 am
Yeah, you can use it for a ice cream man for a metaphor. Your song just seems little too literal for anyone to buy into that. Kind of like the song "Tambourine Man" by Bob Dylan is an extended metaphor (for what is in one's interpretation of the song.)

# 18

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