Confidence and lack of it...

Hi there,

I'm wondering if some of you nice people out there can give me some advice. The reason I'm asking in this forum is because I have had some really amazing advice with other issues I encountered with my guitar.

I'm having massive problems with my confidence when it comes to playing with other people. As a bit of background, I joined the site a couple of months ago after around 18 months trying to learn myself and I have noticed an improvement in my playing and knowledge of music theory. Oh yeah, I'm 52 years old (just for info).

My goals seem quite simple:

Write my own music which I'm working on - very basic at the mo but improving and I'm told it's not bad (sometimes good), people seem to like my lyrics the most

Play with other people, maybe in a little band - I'd like to form this and for my band to work on our own songs

Get into the looping/live performance side of things - I just ordered a device for Abbleton Live and am proficent in Logic Pro X, mainly producing electronic music so far

...and whatever else or wherever else my lovely guitar takes me...

The problem (one of several but this one is what our Americal cousins call a 'deal-breaker' - confidence! This week, I have played with two people and whenever I have to play/sing, especially my own stuff, it goes very badly to pot. As I mentioned, I'm 52 years old, have recently survived a very severe illness and this is why I took up guitar and singing; because I wanted something nice to focus on (I'm a member of a singing website also and don't think my voice is so bad), so I should not care less what anyone thinks. I really want to get over this or I honestly think I can't achieve my goals and I'm very keen to be able to do what I want. Can someone please help me attain the confidence I want? Any sound advice would be very welcome and I may even send a virtual hug to whoever can give me a few tips.

Just to finish, I get so nervous that I literally have to stop. Stupid but there it is.

Thanks, thanks, thanks,

theMolster

Originally Posted by: theMolster

I'm having massive problems with my confidence when it comes to playing with other people. As a bit of background, I joined the site a couple of months ago after around 18 months trying to learn myself and I have noticed an improvement in my playing and knowledge of music theory. Oh yeah, I'm 52 years old (just for info).

Hey Molster,

I totally identify with this. Anxiety can be tough! But it's very normal for this to happen. I have a common problem of my mind going blank when under pressure. I especially find that visual input distracts me from thinking, so it helps to close my eyes when I need to stay focused. If I am mixing music I will cover my eyes with my hands. I bring this up because often it's the visual of an AUDIENCE looking at me that completely distracts me from what I was trying to focus on (which is either words or music).

Something that helped me back in the day when playing live with bands was to dress up in strange costumes or wear funny sunglasses. This doesn't work for everyone, of course, especially if you're playing serious music which doesn't call for that -- but it immediately frees you up and takes all the pressure off. I found that once I got that initial "tension breaker" done I felt much more relaxed and could do anything.

I notice a lot of bands, right before going on stage, will do a sort of "psyche up" session. They jump around, act goofy, sing funny things, just to break out of that tension and nerves. Once you get in that mode before getting in front of people, it frees you up from that self-consciousness and anxiety, at least to a degree.

Of course, some people don't seem to get that at all. It's different for everyone.

It also just seems to get better with experience of having an audience (or even just a few people) watching you. Just doing it a bunch of times makes it easier.

The first few times I played in front of an audience as a teenager were a trainwreck. My first show, the first song started and I stepped on my guitar cable, it popped out of the guitar, loud buzzing sounds. I tried to shut my amp off to plug it back in, but accidentally kicked my amp which had a spring reverb in it. "BOOM!" I went behind the curtain and hid for the rest of the song.

The second time, I sang and played guitar with my band and my whole body tensed up and I couldn't even sing a single note in tune no matter what I did. My voice sounded bizarre to me singing through a PA for the first time. I remember just sweating and seeing all those faces staring at me! Hahaha.

Anyway, the point is, it gets better the more you do it! :)

-Carl.

Hi theMolster,

Thank you for trying our lessons. Learning guitar is tough but it's very rewarding. Confidence is a tough thing to talk about because everyone will have different feelings about things. I think for you, based on what you have said, is that you have to be patient with yourself. Do not subscribe to the idea that you have to be perfect right out of the gate, or even within a year of playing guitar. It takes a really long time to be proficient and comfortable playing, let alone, playing with others.

Playing with others is kind of the high-level of playing that a lot of guitar players learn through time, and literally playing with others. One of the great reasons why GT has been successful is that we offer a number of backing tracks for you to play with.

Playing with backing tracks can help you find your own role as a guitar player within a band setting, and also help you with timing.

Timing, more than anything, is perhaps the most important part of playing with others. Playing with a group also means you have to communicate openly about what you will be playing.

You will gain more confidence in your playing as you practice and learn more. You mentioned that when you do play with others, it goes bad. But I'm curious to hear why you think it goes bad. Is it timing? Is it playing mistakes, playing the wrong chords, notes, etc.?

Here is a tutorial within our Acoustic level 2 course, where Anders will talk about and show you some tips on playing with others. This tutorial may be a bit advanced if you are new to guitar, but I suggest you take a look at it anyways. I bet you will find something helpful in this: https://www.guitartricks.com/lesson.php?input=30061

Let me know if you have any other questions. We are here and happy to help!

Billy

Originally Posted by: theMolster

Hi there,

I'm wondering if some of you nice people out there can give me some advice. The reason I'm asking in this forum is because I have had some really amazing advice with other issues I encountered with my guitar.

I'm having massive problems with my confidence when it comes to playing with other people. As a bit of background, I joined the site a couple of months ago after around 18 months trying to learn myself and I have noticed an improvement in my playing and knowledge of music theory. Oh yeah, I'm 52 years old (just for info).

My goals seem quite simple:

Write my own music which I'm working on - very basic at the mo but improving and I'm told it's not bad (sometimes good), people seem to like my lyrics the most

Play with other people, maybe in a little band - I'd like to form this and for my band to work on our own songs

Get into the looping/live performance side of things - I just ordered a device for Abbleton Live and am proficent in Logic Pro X, mainly producing electronic music so far

...and whatever else or wherever else my lovely guitar takes me...

The problem (one of several but this one is what our Americal cousins call a 'deal-breaker' - confidence! This week, I have played with two people and whenever I have to play/sing, especially my own stuff, it goes very badly to pot. As I mentioned, I'm 52 years old, have recently survived a very severe illness and this is why I took up guitar and singing; because I wanted something nice to focus on (I'm a member of a singing website also and don't think my voice is so bad), so I should not care less what anyone thinks. I really want to get over this or I honestly think I can't achieve my goals and I'm very keen to be able to do what I want. Can someone please help me attain the confidence I want? Any sound advice would be very welcome and I may even send a virtual hug to whoever can give me a few tips.

Just to finish, I get so nervous that I literally have to stop. Stupid but there it is.

Thanks, thanks, thanks,

theMolster

Outside of the ocassional side glance at a guitar store, the few lessons I took or with my girlfriend, back in the 80's, the first time I performed in front of a group of people was at a guitar shredder competition. It was to 600 people. I mean, I did warm up with others sizing me up as competition, just like I did with them. But, really, I started with 600 people.

There's a point to that anecdote; I was obviously nervous but I did not sieze up.

Why?

First is that I had been playing as a bedroom practicer for a good number of years. I at least felt confortable as a player. The second thing, and this is more important to you; confidence comes from repetition. That shredder competition made me practice my peice many, many, many times. So much so that I had it on autopilot by the time the competition came around.

So, anything that you plan on playing, the more you personally practice it, the more confident you'll feel.

Another thing to consider; if some of what you're playing is your own music as well as you being the primary guitar player and singing? You're carrying a pretty sizable load. You're not thinking of just getting in to the groove but about where you're gonna mess up. You're trying to lead someone with your song yet are not confident enough to carry it along.

At that point, skip being the leader. Make the other players your allies. First of all, just come clean that you don't have extreme comfort playing these songs. They're also musicians and have been there or might even be there at that moment. It's not a performance, it's having fun playing. Secondly, see if they're cool with working out sections of songs. Work with things that you can do and not worry about the things you can't.

In a way, it's about simplification. The more comfortable you are with what you perform and the more you feel a sense of comfort with those around you, the less likely you are to freak out.

I'm not saying that it's a walk in the park but it is a matter of taking a look at what you can control.

Thanks to all of you. Wise and kind words as ever!

I've read through what you all have to say and have taken a few notes - some great motivation and ideas. I like the idea of simplifying and I do realise that the more I do it the better it should get.

To be honest, I don't think I'm at the level yet of performing my own stuff, as I mentioned, I started to play using youtube for around 18 months and then been a member of this site for around 3 months. I realise that is no time at all in guitar/musicianship terms.

GuitarTricksAdmin mentions:

"I'm curious to hear why you think it goes bad. Is it timing? Is it playing mistakes, playing the wrong chords, notes, etc.?"

It's pretty much all of the above, in fact, my hands shake so I can't make the chords at all sometimes!

Thanks again to all of you. I'm gonna have to slow down and practice, practice, practice.

theMolster