Originally Posted by: theMolsterHi there,
I'm wondering if some of you nice people out there can give me some advice. The reason I'm asking in this forum is because I have had some really amazing advice with other issues I encountered with my guitar.
I'm having massive problems with my confidence when it comes to playing with other people. As a bit of background, I joined the site a couple of months ago after around 18 months trying to learn myself and I have noticed an improvement in my playing and knowledge of music theory. Oh yeah, I'm 52 years old (just for info).
My goals seem quite simple:
Write my own music which I'm working on - very basic at the mo but improving and I'm told it's not bad (sometimes good), people seem to like my lyrics the most
Play with other people, maybe in a little band - I'd like to form this and for my band to work on our own songs
Get into the looping/live performance side of things - I just ordered a device for Abbleton Live and am proficent in Logic Pro X, mainly producing electronic music so far
...and whatever else or wherever else my lovely guitar takes me...
The problem (one of several but this one is what our Americal cousins call a 'deal-breaker' - confidence! This week, I have played with two people and whenever I have to play/sing, especially my own stuff, it goes very badly to pot. As I mentioned, I'm 52 years old, have recently survived a very severe illness and this is why I took up guitar and singing; because I wanted something nice to focus on (I'm a member of a singing website also and don't think my voice is so bad), so I should not care less what anyone thinks. I really want to get over this or I honestly think I can't achieve my goals and I'm very keen to be able to do what I want. Can someone please help me attain the confidence I want? Any sound advice would be very welcome and I may even send a virtual hug to whoever can give me a few tips.
Just to finish, I get so nervous that I literally have to stop. Stupid but there it is.
Thanks, thanks, thanks,
theMolster
Outside of the ocassional side glance at a guitar store, the few lessons I took or with my girlfriend, back in the 80's, the first time I performed in front of a group of people was at a guitar shredder competition. It was to 600 people. I mean, I did warm up with others sizing me up as competition, just like I did with them. But, really, I started with 600 people.
There's a point to that anecdote; I was obviously nervous but I did not sieze up.
Why?
First is that I had been playing as a bedroom practicer for a good number of years. I at least felt confortable as a player. The second thing, and this is more important to you; confidence comes from repetition. That shredder competition made me practice my peice many, many, many times. So much so that I had it on autopilot by the time the competition came around.
So, anything that you plan on playing, the more you personally practice it, the more confident you'll feel.
Another thing to consider; if some of what you're playing is your own music as well as you being the primary guitar player and singing? You're carrying a pretty sizable load. You're not thinking of just getting in to the groove but about where you're gonna mess up. You're trying to lead someone with your song yet are not confident enough to carry it along.
At that point, skip being the leader. Make the other players your allies. First of all, just come clean that you don't have extreme comfort playing these songs. They're also musicians and have been there or might even be there at that moment. It's not a performance, it's having fun playing. Secondly, see if they're cool with working out sections of songs. Work with things that you can do and not worry about the things you can't.
In a way, it's about simplification. The more comfortable you are with what you perform and the more you feel a sense of comfort with those around you, the less likely you are to freak out.
I'm not saying that it's a walk in the park but it is a matter of taking a look at what you can control.
