well thats my 1rst song..It's called "Metal Bars"

Metal bars

Bridge:
Crawling back into my own skin,
I’m so scared..this might be a sin.
Can’t get out in this terrible life,
I think I’ll just sleep,
Until my heartbeat goes out.

Chorus:
Your actions grew into me for the worst,
I can’t walk out that door,
Scared someone will bruise me some more.
Now I look forward to the day I let go,
All the pain…I don’t want to let show.
Hide behind the covers and I feel safe,
Close my eyes..I still see you’re face.

Verse 1:
You taught me things I should never know,
I was too young..so I told you to go.
But I soon found out that you didn’t take NO’S,
So you put me to the test,
Said I was the best.
Tortured my body and my mentality,
And left me to cry.

Verse 2:
See that you’re proud of what you have done.
You finished your life while mine has begun.
You’ll be sent in a box
And have me in your thoughts

Verse 3:
You’ll be smiling at the thought of your action,
But I’m sure you’ll pray, every single day,
That you were free...to strike another girls’ dreams
It’ll never happen,
You got caught.
Now you’re stuck behind metal bars.

well thats IT!!!!..comment plz.

There's pain in those words; stuff that feels real enough to touch!

Without hearing the tune that goes with it, it seems like the verses are different lengths. Does the lyric flow with the music?

hmmm... it's pretty good for a first attempt.. very good infact...
but (and i mean no disrespect by the following), but it's too obvious (you've pretty much written in big letter what it's all about rape, and the victim here, although battel scarred wins the struggel, and that's it) and ryhmes too heavily... I mean taht's fine if you like the whole nickel back, hoobastank stuff... but it's not really know for it's strong song writing...
The following song lyrics are by "at the drive-in", it's abotu the rape and murder of over 500 mexican women over last few years, where these women work in american owned factories, and they are usually got on thier way home... and what's worse is that no one (on the american or mexican side) is taking action, or even investigation... anyway read the lyrics.. there's some conceptaul muses... and most of all it doesn't ryhm... heavy ryhming in a song can make it sound too forced...

"Invalid Litter Dept.

intravenously polite it was the walkie-talkies
that had knocked the pins down
as their shoes gripped the dirt floor
in the silhouette of dying
dancing on corpses' ashes

yeah, they had plans for him
they has spun the last of the pimps
corduroy, satin nailed jewelry lips
while the guillotine just laughed again
dancing on the corpses' ashes

paramedics fell into the wound
like a rehired scab at a barehanded plant
an anesthetic penance beneath
the hail of contraband

they had been defected and excommunicated
and all the pulses were subverted
and they made sure the obituaries
showed pictures of smoke stacks

a vivid dissection that mocked
the strut of vivisection
semi-automatic colonies
and a silencing that still walks the streets

in the company of wolves
was a stretcher made of
cobblestone curfews
the federales performed
their custodial customs quite well

callous heels
numbed in travel
endless maps made
by their scalpels

on my way
nails broke and fell
into the
wishing well"

Carry on writting... good luck

i found a really good rhythme for my song and i think the lyrics work out perfectly....
the only part i don't have is the second verse because it is a lot shorter than the other two...
my lyrics rhyme WAY TOOO MUCH...i'll fix that.

some other poeple told me i should make metaphors so i could show what i mean and not just write it..but i can't seem to change my lyrics because they rhyme all the time...(if you understand what i mean)what should i do??

dov.

One of the best writers (lyrics) is Martin Walkyer (ex-Skyclad). His lyrics definitely kick ass!

No Deposit, No Return (from "Irrational Anthems")

I remember my grandmother sat with her radio,
tea cup and walking stick set by her side.
As her old fingers reached out to turn up the volume,
I learnt what it meant to be bursting with pride.

She told me some tales of wars great and last,
black and white film stars sha'd liked in the past.
Taught me a few songs she'd learnt as a child,
stunned by her wisdom I listened and smiled.

She said to me "Lad, if you'll be a musican,
go out and be one - but one with conviction.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return.

On time faded photographs I've seen an airman,
Stood next to the wings of a flying machine
and given the choice well I think I would rather
have done what I've done than have seen what he's seen.

I think that the Old Man feels really quite proud,
when he sits at the wheel and turns it up loud,
but imagined his son a lawyer or broker,
not sat on a bus full of drinkers and tokers.

He said to me "Son you can do as you please,
but always stand stright - never crawl on your knees.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."

If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return.
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return.

I've such a short time to tell you so much,
words come second best to a kiss or a touch.
Far thicker than water this blood we all share,
So please don't think that for you I don't care.

Fate may have driven us all separate ways,
but can't sever ancestry - splice D. N. A.
If life seems a road thats uneven and long,
to know where you're going just look Who you came from.

Many have said I take after my mother,
for her '67 was not a good year.
Though often I make her annoyed like no other,
through thick and through thin she has always been near.

Sometimes in the cold now I catch myself smiling,
'bout some stupid joke or a christmas tree shining.
I stood there so small 'neath that glittering tower,
it's memory a beacon in my darkest hour.

She said to me "Martin, whatever you'll be,
there's no such thing as a meal thats for free.
If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return."

If there's just one lesson the young ought to learn,
it's pay no deposit and get no return.
Get no return.
Pay no deposit and get no return.


for more: http://www.darklyrics.com/s/skyclad.html

-=[Azrael]=-

... and another one i just couldnt resist to post. Its about the atom-tests the french president did on muroroa (sp?)


-- BOMBJOUR! --
[an ode to insanity]

Hello, bombjour!
Good morning (good morning).

The obvious drawback in building a bomb,
is the needing somewhere (or someone) to test it on.

What happened to European Community?
Consciences with diplomatic immunity.
Find a new toy that's more safe than the atom -
the face of a clown with Napoleon's hat on.

Did you really mean it ? - you've got to be joking,
too late to say sorry (the gun barrel's smoking).

Our hope for the future is clear understanding,
but you're still afraid that the Marsians are landing.
The 'Reds' neath our beds appear far more attractive
than waking up dead in the radioactive debris.

Frere Jacques Chirac dormez-vous?

You said it's quite harmless - well I beg your pardon,
why didn't you try it in your own back garden?

Whatever became of would peace and goodwill?
Don't sharpen the blade if you don't mean to kill.
Your knowledge has limits (your folly's unending),
are you insane - or just good at pretending to be?