well..i'm new


Ksocr39
Registered User
Joined: 06/15/05
Posts: 24
Ksocr39
Registered User
Joined: 06/15/05
Posts: 24
06/15/2005 3:33 am
this is my first time, and i'm kinda shy about my songs, like no one has ever heared them...but this is a start for me i guess, i dn just wut do u think?
great...i'm gonna have to fix a few words....haha

traveled

i've been searchin
i've been searchin for you
i'm come all this way
i've traveled far

I wipe you tear
from you soakin cheek
and now i'm here
so just F***in listen to me

ya ya, just listen to me
ya, ya, your gonna listen to me

Chorus:
i've climbed through every mountain
just to see your face
i've passed through every city
through the human race
i've crossed every ocean
just to be with you
and now i'm here
from the sky's blue
ya i'm here
just starin at you

ya ya, i'm starin at you
ya, ya, just infront of you

a word from the wise
travelers that i met
don't ever let go
of those things you might forget
there's no lookin back
no turning around
and shut the hell up
so just f***ing sit down

ya ya, i said sit the f*** down
ya, ya, i say f***in sit down

CHORUS

ya ya, i'm starin at you
ya, ya and now i think

was it worth it
did i really want this
i now remember the pain
that you put me through
i came all this way
just to say to ur face
i'm over you
now i'm breakin away

ya ya, i'm breakin away
ya, ya, i'm leavin today
[FONT=Verdana]coolest person ever![/FONT] :eek:
# 1
aschleman
Registered User
Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
aschleman
Registered User
Joined: 04/26/05
Posts: 2,051
06/15/2005 1:50 pm
First off, welcome to the boards! About the song, it's got good flow... the lines seem to have some rythym even though I had a hard time finding it. I imagine the song being a punk song with 3 or 4 power chords being strummed in continuous downstrokes in the background... It was nice how the song unfolded... half way through I was wondering if there was a point to the song, then the last verse makes it clear. I don't know if you purposely did it or not (I'm not trying to make a genius out of you haha) but you expressed the mix feelings well in your writing. I could sense the love/hate relationship, well done. Some of the lines seemed forced... like you didn't know what else to put so you just wrote something that went with the scheme. Needs polishing, but very good!!!
# 2
Ksocr39
Registered User
Joined: 06/15/05
Posts: 24
Ksocr39
Registered User
Joined: 06/15/05
Posts: 24
06/16/2005 2:09 am
well, i'll work on it. i wrote that about a year ago, when i was 15 but i still like it. and i did change the attitude through it on purpose! i am def a genious..haha, maybe not. thnx for ur feed back. its helps
[FONT=Verdana]coolest person ever![/FONT] :eek:
# 3

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