Should you quit while you're ahead? Definately not! Keep going bro!
Only "You" can hear the music in your head, and how it should sound.
That's the great thing about music..........., there is no right or wrong way to do it.
I believe that the more you do something, the better you get.
So if you really want to write songs, keep writing them. And in all likely-hood, you'll write some awesome songs.
I don't claim to be a "Lyricist", but I saw some cool lines in what you have written so far.
As far as advice, I can only offer what has seemed to help me the most..........., Write about something that interests "YOU", and don't try to please everyone else. Pick a theme that appeals to you and tell the story with whatever vibe you feel conveys it the best.
Best of luck bro, and keep writing! :cool:
If eyes are the mirror to the soul, you will see yourself as I see you