Only "You" can hear the music in your head, and how it should sound.
That's the great thing about music..........., there is no right or wrong way to do it.
I believe that the more you do something, the better you get.
So if you really want to write songs, keep writing them. And in all likely-hood, you'll write some awesome songs.
I don't claim to be a "Lyricist", but I saw some cool lines in what you have written so far.
As far as advice, I can only offer what has seemed to help me the most..........., Write about something that interests "YOU", and don't try to please everyone else. Pick a theme that appeals to you and tell the story with whatever vibe you feel conveys it the best.
Best of luck bro, and keep writing! :cool:
If eyes are the mirror to the soul, you will see yourself as I see you