Zen type thoughts for the day...

Zen type thoughts for the day

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

4. Sex is like air. It's not important unless you aren't getting any.

5. Don't be irreplaceable. If you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart.

7. Always remember you're unique. Just like everyone else.

8. Never test the depth of the water with both feet.

9. If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

11. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

13. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.

14. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.

15. Some days you are the bug; some days you are the windshield.

16. Don't worry; it only seems kinky the first time.

17. Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment.

19. A closed mouth gathers no foot.

21. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

22. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving.

23. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

24. Never miss a good chance to shut up.

25. We are born naked, wet and hungry, and get slapped on our butt... then things get worse.

26. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

27. There is a fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."

28. No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously.

29. There comes a time when you should stop expecting
other people to make a big deal about your birthday...around age 11.

LMFAO !

Two things to add:

23) If you can keep your head whilst all around are loosing theirs you obviously don’t understand the magnitude of the problem!

23) If at first you don’t succeed, give up or get some one else to do it!


[Edited by Dr_simon on 07-07-2003 at 08:22 PM]

31) Man who run behind car gets exhausted, Man who run in front of car get tired. :)

32) It talkes many nails to build a crib, only one screw to fill it.

33) Baseball is wrong. A man with four balls cannot walk.

Statement : the system is constipated...why cus its full of BS it can't get rid of.

COWBOY WISDOM
- If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do, is stop digging.
- Never gut-punch a man who’s chewin’ tobacco.
- It don’t take a genius to spot a goat in a flock of sheep.
- Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.
- Never follow good whiskey with water, less’n you’re out of good whiskey.
- Water is for fightin' over. Whiskey is for makin' friends over.
- Don’t you worry ‘bout bitin’ off more’n you can chew. Your mouth’s prolly a whole lot bigger’n you thought it was.
- If you get to thinkin’ you’re a person of some influence, jest you try orderin’ someone else’s dog around.
- Good judgement comes from experience... a lot of which comes from bad judgement.
- Always drink upstream from the herd.
- If’n you give a critter or a person a lesson in meanness, don’t be surprised if’n they learn it real well.
- The best way to have a quiche for dinner put it in the oven to bake at 325 °F. While you’re waitin’, grill up a good, thick, steak on the BBQ, ‘n eat it. Let the quiche continue to bake.
- If you’re ridin’ ahead of the herd, take a look back every now’n then to see if they’re still there.
- Never drop your gun to hug a grizzly.
- There’s two theories ‘bout arguin’ with a woman. Neither one works.
- When you’re throwin’ your weight around, be ready to have it thrown around by somebody else.
- Lettin’ the cat outa th’ bag is a whole lot easier than gettin’ that critter back in the bag.
- Always take a good look at what you’re about to eat. Knowing what it is ain’t nearly as important as knowin’ what it was.
- The quickest way to double you’re money is to fold it ‘n put it back in your pocket.
- Never miss a good oportunity to shut up.