here is some CONSTRUCTIVE HELP(shame on you all!)
First off...make sure that the forum you post your lyrics on is "evil" friendly
second...Consider carfully and list bands that influenced the spark of thought or theme/feelings itself
third...think long and hard and try find bands that might have done that before(especially is they suck!)You do not want cliche lyrics(unless you like nu-metal)
fourth...rhyming is NOT a rule!people ruin great verses by feeling they have to rhyme
fifth...If you dont have a melody to go with the song you cant create hooks to easily.Black metal isnt not known for its catchy choruses,but the most memorible songs contain some sort of catch/hook("Immortal" uses them alot)
heres some of my lyrics for reference:
"Beyond Recognition"
(verse)Dead body,trauma extinguishes your soul before flight
Unknowing to the ravaged flesh,your desacrated life
Cursed nameless and torn to an endless untimely cycle
Just a spark in random time under an absent invisible idol
(chorus)Beyond recognition,burnt,chard,forgotten vision
Follow your path,no decision
Forgive god,your beyond recognition__________!
(verse)What one was,nothing but smoke behind countless eyes
Fall far from listening ears,none will hear your deafening cry's
Pushed by perpetual force until your jesus forsaken death
The lambs book of life merley tells of your final constricted breath
(chorus)Beyond recognition,burnt,chard,forgotten vision
Follow your path,no decision
Forgive god,your beyond recognition__________!(end)
"Phantom Pain"
(verse)Long after my demise i can sense that ghost
it burns me inside out relentlessly
my earth vessle has surley witherd mercilessly
my current being houses a searing evil host
(pre-chorus)a speeding juggernaut sealed in my vapor
never will it dissapate a feathers touch to aggravate
connected still to my human shell which rots beneath
I feel every moment as if I was still in it
(chorus)this phantom i have no hold
my human extremeties i bear in vain
there without use though i feel them
this phantom i call pain
(verse)long I seek relief wake me soon to forget
its a freezing blade,cold and unyielding
descent from the earth was my hell's beginning
I cant bleed or break under its torment
(pre-chorus)a speeding juggernaut sealed in my vapor
never will it dissapate a feathers touch to aggravate
connected still to my human shell which rots beneath
I feel every moment as if I was still in it
(chorus)this phantom i have no hold
my human extremeties i bear in vain
there without use though i feel them
this phantom i call pain(end)
"Crib Death Rapture"
(verse)pray this coward is worthy to be praised
Take as one gives,dont question his way
gradually he gathers,his temples are desired
bury your miricale,long suffering required
(chorus)A rotting gift recieved
His loving mercy retrieved
your seeds passing once forseen long before life was ever concieved!
(verse)Eat and drink a symbolic body of christ
use faith to exuse wisdom,its recondite
Ask why when you pour all being into thin air
remember,your buried treasure will never feel fear
(chorus)A rotting gift recieved
His loving mercy retrieved
your seeds passing once forseen long before life was ever concieved!(end)
ANYWAY... above all...dont feel put down by criticism from a person/s that donsnt "listen" to black metal(or any genre of music for that matter!)
Oh and... I NEED THERAPY!!!:)
Try once,fail twice...
