More life advice needed...

Since I've pretty much been shamelessly using this forum as my personal Dear Abby column, I figure why not continue....

So heres the problem as of late...

In light of my 20th birthday, I've officially exited the confusing teenage wasteland and entered what most would consider "adulthood." Strangely enough, I feel nor look any different than I did when I was 18. I do however, kind of think I should be let "off the breast" to a certain extent being I'm gettnig up there in age. My parents, spefically my mother, seem to think otherwise though.

Just recently shes started to get ridiculously protective. My uncle was talking about driving to New York City to go see a Yankee game the other day and he offered to take me along. Now, its a well known fact that my uncle drives like...well, like an ass hole to put it bluntly. He's a good driver, just drives like hes in some kinda rush to get everywhere. I was cool with the idea though because theres never been a problem before in riding with him and being that I was under some sort of delusion that I had a say in what I did in life. (Being 20 years of age, you typically start to make your own decisions to a certain extent.) Well, I told my mom about it and she tells me its not a good idea. I pretty much said, I don't care what you think, I'm going. I said it in a slightly more polite manner, but that is what I said. I also added in that I'm old enough to make my own decisions nowadays. Her reply was along the lines of, well you can make your own decisions but we also can kick you outa the house. The conversation progressed and she went so far to say that she would kick me outa the house if I went with him.

Did this merit such a threat? I don't think so, but maybe I'm just a stupid kid.

Then tonight, my cousin's friend who I am also kind of friends with felt like getting some Burger King. I said that I'd take him down after we were done eating. About 2 hours later after we had already left and were at my uncles house, the phone rings and its my mom. She tells me shes not too crazy about me driving all sorts of places. I'm like pretty confused at this point because we had never discussed driving all sorts of places, just to Burger King....Then she says something along the lines of "I don't want those other kids in the car horsing around and then making you horse around. Then you get in an accident, and you don't get sued, I do."

Now, heres a little backgroud information on my driving record. I've never once had a speeding ticket or a warning for that matter. I did get a seat belt ticket about 3 seconds from my house once, but c'mon. I've never had a reputation for being a reckless driver or showing poor judgement in the car. Not to mention, I've drove my cousin and his friends around about 888 times prior to this occasion, and now all of the sudden theres a problem. And going back to the thing about riding with my uncle, I've also rode with him about the same amount of times in the past, and now theres a problem.

The easy solution would be leave the house and go off on my own. But I'd be kidding myself being that my parents still have to put me through the rest of my college education, I'm not qualified to do anything yet, and really don't have any money.

So what do I do? Just bite my tongue for a while and let my parents dangle crap over my head until I can find a way to be financially stable and get away from them? I don't know if my mom is upset about me being the last kid to reach adulthood and get out of the house, but I don't really care. I know I'd be dead without them and I'm ridiculously thankful for all the stuff they do for me, but there comes a point where they gotta let go somewhat....

Who knows.

Thanks for reading my long winded, disgustingly bitchy post. Leave a comment. :)

Well, if you're the last child to fly the nest that'll be a big part of it. My sister is still at home, and pretty much buried under parental care... so yeah, there's a protective element and your folks knowing it'll be the end of an era and all that.

Sorry if I missed it above, but is it your mom's car you're taking to BK? If you've borrowed it 888 times before with no problem, maybe she's just a little PO'd at you for always having her car! :D Maybe think about getting a car?

Bottom line is probably as you say, if you can't support yourself yet you have to bend to their will to an extent. The way out is to have them come towards you - so you'll have to talk to them. Maybe give a little ground in exchange for more elsewhere - like you say, you're 20 years old - I'd been living on my own for 2 years by then and it's unrealistic to expect you to take on the role of a child at 20. Hopefully talking will produce some results - it also gives you an opportunity to demonstrate how 'grown up' you are... that'll help too.

Dude, that's just what happens eh. I suggest talking to your mom about it, like you just did to us.

You've already realised that you need the support from your parents, so you have to stay in their good books and what not.

So basically, yes, you need to do as your mom says and comply with her rules, but you can discuss this all with her, and maybe change her rules to be more realistic and fair.

Unless you're paying rent, paying your own bills, and making your own car payment.... you're living under their roof, eating their food, driving their car, soaking up their heat/ac, drinking their water, etc... so you should abide by their rules. True enough, you're old enough to make your own decisions, but until you stop milking the tit, you don't have much choice in the matter. I'm not trying to sound like a dick or anything, but until you're capable of paying your own bills, you're kinda stuck in the situation. The best thing you can do is, talk to your parents about it. Make sure that neither of you are in a bad mood when you do though, or it might pretty ugly, and you both might say some things that you will regret.

Yes, yes, you guys are right. Just sucks cuz theres absolutely nothing I can do about it and she has to be a ball breaking bitch at times. :rolleyes: Such is life until then I guess.

PS-Its not her car. I've got my own ride (which I bought with my own money) but I actually was gonna drive my uncles truck.

She is a Mom losing a son to adulthood and She is trying to hold on, You are still her BABY ;)

I say you get your crazy uncle to drive into your mom's face.

I say go to the game :cool:

Man ... to be honest you are going to have to buck up and listen and abide to your moms rules. I think she may have a bit of the "over protective mom" thing kicking in , but you honestly have to admit she has good reason. I work for an E.M.S. company.. (ambulance service) .... I actually feal bad for my girls do to the fact I have become the over protective dad. You look at someone you love more than yourself and think that you are responsible for that person... well it changes the way you think about things. We had 2 teenagers die last week in a M.V.A. ... they arent sure of the reason for the wreck but it is belived to be caused by "horse playing" in a car. That is 2 young lives gone for ever. Im not saying all young drivers are dangeruse... but there is a reason insurance for young males is way higher than anyones else. I have a 13 year old daughter. Beautiful and sweet... she is my world (well her and my 4 year old)... The thought of something happening to her... especialy if I could of made the hard choice of preventing it.... I know I would not be able to live with my self.... Just speeking from experience and looking back at the bone head and just plain stupid stuff I did when I was younger.... its a wonder I wasent killed or messed up really bad. To make a long post "longer".... listen to your mom... obey her rules and try to understand ... there is a reason she is trying to protect you.

I kinda reluctantly agree with the majority of everyone else...to just abide by her rules for now and bargain what you can meanwhile.
However, don't just assume you can't make it on your own. No, it wouldn't be easy, but it can be done. My brother dropped out at 8th grade and left home...yeah he struggled for nearly 10 years finding himself, but eventually got a degree in Chemistry w/honors on his own. I moved out when I was 19 making just over $7.00/hr and going to school. And my best friend couldn't stand his Dad/Stepmom and moved out when he was only 17 and a Junior in HS. You might have to resort to student loans, room-mates in low rent places, and cheap food. Thus you might find you essentially have a net loss in freedom comparatively, as you may not have excess gas money, free-time from work, etc. Yet it might just make you more focused and appreciate what you gain in the end that much more.

I'm just throwing that out there though. Really it doesn't sound like your situation is worth the trade-offs at this time. I'd say just bite the bullet my friend and respect (even if you don't understand) her mandates.

Originally Posted by: earthman buckI say you get your crazy uncle to drive into your mom's face.

Sounds logical to me. But you gotta think ahead... maybe she has powers like Chris Angel, then he'd be screwed when she survived the attempted murder. The he'd have one heck of a crabby a** mom. :eek:

The only reason she gets away with telling you what to do is cause you let her get away with it.
Be a man, man. Thank her for her opinion then just tell her you'll be doing it anyway. If she starts up with a fight or whatever, just walk away.
Meantime, save your money and have a "get the hell outa here" plan in motion.
Then if she ever actually follows through on her plan to kick you out, just leave.

As for life advice..............................LIVE YOUR LIFE.
Try to put a little $$$$ away and remain consistant with your timing decision (weekly, bi-weekly, monthly) and the amount sacrificed.
Don't sweat the Petty stuff and remain diligent. Learn from your mistakes and bad decisions and you will make fewer as your journey continues on.
And Finally, Keep a good and respectable relationship with your family. Refrain from damaging statements from emotions that may occur in that moment and state your peace in a rational behavior. This is how you gain respect, because respect is something you earn. By remaining steadfast and making rational decisions, even your Parents will respect them. You can't take things back once the damage is done. Take a step back, breathe and play some music (Music is therepy), then you will be in the right state of mind to handle the situation with due diligence.

It's amazing to me that all this great advice from Members is free for the taking.
Eat it up because the value gained is priceless.
For everything else, there's Visa............................

Originally Posted by: dvenetianFor everything else, there's Visa............................

Do NOT take that advice! :D
Visa certainly isn't priceless...more like %20+ interest.
I know, I know, you were just kidding, and so am I...sorta.
Frankly, re-reading my 1st post and the subsequent ones, I gotta take back my initial hesitation on being on your own. I guess it grew from not wanting to suggest drastic action for someone I don't know. Yet if that were me (at that age), personally I wouldn't stand for it...and I didn't. Sure, sometimes you need to compromise for certain things, but sometimes (for lack of a better phrase) you just need to grow a pair. Since we don't know the fullest extent of your situation, ultimately it's on you to decide which.

Originally Posted by: R. ShackleferdDo NOT take that advice! :D
Visa certainly isn't priceless...more like %20+ interest.
I know, I know, you were just kidding, and so am I...sorta.
Frankly, re-reading my 1st post and the subsequent ones, I gotta take back my initial hesitation on being on your own. I guess it grew from not wanting to suggest drastic action for someone I don't know. Yet if that were me (at that age), personally I wouldn't stand for it...and I didn't. Sure, sometimes you need to compromise for certain things, but sometimes (for lack of a better phrase) you just need to grow a pair. Since we don't know the fullest extent of your situation, ultimately it's on you to decide which.

This is so true............... If you can't discipline yourself with a credit card... You can't discipline yourself,,,, period..........

Just, in your "growing a pair" dont do anything stupid. It's really sad when families no longer talk to eachother and rubbish like that.

You love your mom and she loves you...whatever you may say to her, dont forget that.