song i wrote in class(nf)

IM SAYING GOOD BYE

why
why must you
why must you be so crazy
evertime i say goodbye...
i am just leaving for a day or two
why do i
_________harder_________
put up with this mess
i dont see how this helping me out
so this is my last goodbye
i cant stand to be right by ur side..........,

(DO YALL THINK I SHOULD WORK ON THIS OR NOT?????)

Originally Posted by: princess meganIM SAYING GOOD BYE

why
why must you
why must you be so crazy
evertime i say goodbye...
i am just leaving for a day or two
why do i
_________harder_________
put up with this mess
i dont see how this helping me out
so this is my last goodbye
i cant stand to be right by ur side..........,

(DO YALL THINK I SHOULD WORK ON THIS OR NOT?????)

Yes, Anything from your heart can be a song. Like right now its just an ideal but if you keep adding lyrics, do some arrangment it could be a great song "Never Give Up" Ok. :)

Originally Posted by: DAMAGED ONEYes, Anything from your heart can be a song. Like right now its just an ideal but if you keep adding lyrics, do some arrangment it could be a great song "Never Give Up" Ok. :)

thanks and it was just an idea right now........... i just had a few min free in class so i keep thinking of that over and over so i wrote it down

Originally Posted by: princess meganthanks and it was just an idea right now........... i just had a few min free in class so i keep thinking of that over and over so i wrote it down

Well dont stop, Its good to to write as a release also. :cool:

Yeah promising..

I think you should work on it, but it could be a song. I can imagine hearing it on the radio. Whether you take that as a compliment or not determines whether it can be a song or not.

Peace.

hope you don't mind.

Maybe......

why
why must you
why must you be so crazy
evertime i say goodbye...
i am just leaving for a day or two
why do i
_________harder_________
hang on, falling on every day
falling on every blade, why don't I cry
so this is my last goodbye
i cant stand by ur side
with all these crazy goodbyes....


I really like the idea, felt like I needed more imagery to feel it...
Just ideas... use them if you like or maybe they'll just help you find your own. Hope you don't mind I took the liberty. Only did it cause I do like it.

S

Originally Posted by: Stephen Lanfordhope you don't mind.

Maybe......

why
why must you
why must you be so crazy
evertime i say goodbye...
i am just leaving for a day or two
why do i
_________harder_________
hang on, falling on every day
falling on every blade, why don't I cry
so this is my last goodbye
i cant stand by ur side
with all these crazy goodbyes....


I really like the idea, felt like I needed more imagery to feel it...
Just ideas... use them if you like or maybe they'll just help you find your own. Hope you don't mind I took the liberty. Only did it cause I do like it.

S

i really like what u did u are a big help in many wayz thanks a lot!!!

Originally Posted by: Stephen Lanford
hang on, falling on every day
falling on every blade, why don't I cry
so this is my last goodbye
i cant stand by ur side
with all these crazy goodbyes....

I didn't really like this at all. You went from no images to forcing images into the song where they don't fit. "Why don't I cry" really stands out as an ill-fitting and unprofessional line. The last line also doesn't work, it just drags the verse (?) out in a boring and emotionless way. Maybe if the last line ended with something other than "crazy goodbyes" it would work better. Pretty much my problems with it are that "cry" ends the second line, "crazy" is not an interesting or imaginative adjective, and the word "goodbye" is used too many times to end lines.

if its from the heart and something uve experienced and not just a random string of words....run with it i say....i find my favourite lyrics have deeper meanings...

It's hard to get an idea of how the lyrics wil fit...musically..phrasing and such. This is'nt stand alone poetry. It's got to fit with the groove and feel of the music. I'd love to see if you've worked on it somemore and put more of your own spin on things.

Have you got a melody in mind. chord changes or idea of structure of song?

S