Need to remember this.

I just had a couple lines of this pop into my head. So, I'm going to write it down on here so I can come back and look at it later. AND while it's on here anyone who wishes to critique it or give me and idea about what kind of song it sounds like (acoustic, rock, metal... etc) can do so! This is going to be somewhat of a freestyle as I've only jotted down a few lines. Kind of depressing but the inspiration is the fact that I feel like I'm never going to be free of college, or the debt that is associated with college....

We have yet to reach the surface of what we can be
I'm still sinking in the lies they're telling you and me
But the life I have is holding on like it won't let go
Tell me something I can't tell you, something I don't know
Are we all just sinking slowly?
Falling straight into the hole they're digging
What piece of mind are you sparing
I think the hearts of men like me shouldn't be made to bleed
But the blood from me is still spilling
I think even though it's not me
Atleast a part of me is escaping
Atleast my blood is free to flow
Maybe the life of me just wants to let go.
Hang on to the breath you're breathing
All this is surely soon ending
Atleast we still have one thing to look forward to
When it's finally over and these scars show through

eh... needs work...

This line's a keeper:

I think the hearts of men like me shouldn't be made to bleed

I think it could kind of be made into a song with an avenged sevenfold type energy. It probably sounds better to music. I suggest working on it. One thing you have to make sure to avoid when writing depressing songs like that is using cliches. I'd look up some other words, or throw some absract lines in there.
Anyways, if this isn't what you wanted to hear, disregard the post.

Good luck with school and such. Hakkunah Matata. :cool:

I'm with eric all the way on this one. Cliches suck. I go out of my way to write bizarre, abstract songs. In fact, I don't even write anything down until I've got enough interesting lines to draw attention away from the more straightforward ones. I think it makes the straightforward ones sound all the more profound and cool. So anyhow, work on it. I'd like to see the finished product(s).

Hanukkah tomato, or whatever eric said.

Originally Posted by: earthman buck
Hanukkah tomato, or whatever eric said.

It means no worries, for the rest of your days.

Originally Posted by: ericthecableguyIt means no worries, for the rest of your days.

It's our problem freeeeeeee........ philosophyyyyyy..........

Originally Posted by: earthman buckIt's our problem freeeeeeee........ philosophyyyyyy..........

HAKUUUUUUNAH MATATAAAAAAA

Hey aschleman, throw that in your song. ;)

Oh I just can't WAIT to be king!

THE CIRCLE OF LIFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEE!
ITS THE WHEEL OF FORTUNEEEEE!!!!
ITS A LEEEEAP OF FAITH...

...mmm, good memories.

Originally Posted by: ericthecableguy
I think it could kind of be made into a song with an avenged sevenfold type energy.

Yeah, that's a good idea. Alternatively, the lyrics have a bit of a NIN feel to them - perhaps you could grab a drum machine and a keyboard and use them in a gloomy pop song sorta thing.