Really long and stupid gross story alert.
I dropped a 75lb box on my big toe when I got my first job working in a warehouse.
I wasn’t wearing safety boots and could hardly walk, so I got 2 weeks off with Workers Compensation. Unfortunately I made the stupid mistake of not seeing a doctor about it.
I basically limped around in slippers for the whole 2 weeks and didn’t even bother to check it.
About halfway through my time off, I thumbed a ride down to Toronto with a friend of mine. I could still hardly walk but hey, he convinced me.
Stupid coincidence... my foreman from work drives past and sees me thumbing a ride back home when I was supposed to be off work so he reports it to Workers Comp.
When I went back to work, the foreman calls me over and tells me “you know I saw you thumbing a ride last weekend right?”
“Go see the nurse”.
I get to the nurses office and take off my boot. My sock is all bloody and stuck to my foot. I peel off the sock and my big toe is all swollen with dried blood and this green looking stuff underneath my toenail.
She basically freaks and tells me I have to go to the hospital.
So I go to the hospital that night thinking I'm going to get it fixed up with really great professional care.
The stupid doctor keeps me waiting in this cubical thing with curtains around it for like, 3 hours.
I’m trying to keep busy by reading the joke section of a Readers Digest and trying not to laugh out loud cause the hospital was really quiet and there were other nurses and patients in the adjoining cubicles. About an hour later, I lower the Readers Digest and there’s this big fly on my toe.
I basically freak and shake it off. I’m sitting there waiting to see if it comes back but it looks safe so I go back to reading again. A few minutes later I lower the book to rest my eyes...and the I’ll be damned if the fly isn’t back on my toe again!
Now I’m really freaked, so I grab the floor mat from underneath me and put it over my foot to stop the fly from getting at it.
At one point I laugh out loud at one of the jokes I was reading and the nurse walks in.. takes one look at me with the floor mat over my foot and walks back out.
A couple of hours later the doctor finally walks in. He doesn’t say anything about the mat being on my foot either but I can tell he’s really pissed.
I try to explain.... “uh.. there was this fly ...”
Of course by now there’s no fly to be seen anywhere.
He looks at me like I’m nuts, goes over to his workbench and pulls out this huge pair of pliers, sticks my foot between his legs with his back to me, grabs my big toenail, and rips it right off.
He says “I’ll be right back to write you a prescription for pain killers.” and he walks out.
I sit there waiting for about another hour... finally I get so sick and tired of waiting that I hobble over to the nurses station to find out what was going on.
She says "oh.. the doctor left for an emergency about an hour ago"
“What the ??.. he said he was getting me a prescription”
“I’m sorry but I can’t give you a prescription without the doctor here.”
So anyways, I limp out really pissed off that I didn’t get the pain killers I’d been looking forward to for the last hour.
I get in my car and all the way home I’m thinking..”hell, I could have ripped off the stupid nail with a pair of pliers myself and not gotten any painkillers.” :cool:
the end.
...or is it?
Every few years after that, the toenail kinda just falls off in one piece.
Which is really great cause you can great stuff like wait for somebody to start eating and go "hmm...my toenail feels kind of weird", then peel back the toenail and rip it right off.
