ugh.

So yeah. Around 11 last night, my grandpa died. turns out it was some trama then he had a heart attack. i havn't gotten to see him or anything. guess i wont untill the memorial service.

I really dont know... im so apathetic about everything like this. when my grandpa on my dad's side died, i was about 12. didn't even cry, or care. I dont know if it didnt hit me, i didn't understand it or whatever. I never saw that grandpa because he lived in Illinois, i only saw him like 5 times in my entire life. thats the excuse i had always thought to myself whenever i wondered why i didnt even care.

but this grandpa... this is from my mom's side- they've lived in pennsylvania for most of their married life. (all what... 50 something years?) and they were the ones we would see ALL the time. just this year, a couple months ago they actually moved down to a retirement community about 5 miles away. we saw them practically everyday.

so why am i still so apathetic about this? this is the grandpa i saw every birthday, every xmas, every thanksgiving... they go to my chuch since they moved down here so we saw them every sunday. i cant use the "never saw them" excuse.

some people are telling me that its just how i handle grief. i guess they're right. i barely got any sleep last night.

whatever. i just had to get this out somewhere. thanks for listening, guys.

Hey man,

Sorry about your Grandpa, It must be really hard I can only imagine.

I know how you feel, both my Grandpa and Grandma on my mothers side have passed on. But I am happy to know that they are finally out of the pain and suffering that I could hardly stand to see them in. And since I am a Christian I truly believe I will see them in Heaven one day.

dude sorry to hear abt that man... yea well i feel im that kinda person too... sometimes... its really weird...

I'm the same as Rsam. To start with I'm hardly an emotional person to say the least. And when my grandma died, it felt right. She had been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and although it wasn't expected she would die, when she did I felt completely at peace, cause I know she is still alive in heaven.

I'm honestly sorry to hear about your Grandpa Rockonn, and trust me, your not apathetic, you're just understand that death is a normal part of life.

Sorry to hear about your loss....

Everyone deals with death or any painful trama differently.... I wouldn't be too concerned about your lack of emotion... Death is a hard thing to deal with - it seems so unreal at first... When my mother died - although it was not a sudden death - I didn't cry right away... We just deal the best way that we know how... and that is what you are doing...

thanks yall. i really appreciate it.

Originally Posted by: ericthecableguy
your not apathetic, you're just understand that death is a normal part of life.[/QUOTE]
i guess your right. never thought of it that way.

[QUOTE=Tonja_Renee]We just deal the best way that we know how... and that is what you are doing...

sure hope so.

someone told me im just in shock... who knows.

I'm so sorry, rockonn. But don't feel guilty or alarmed because you haven't yet registered any grief. I've been through the same thing myself. My great-uncle died about five years ago, and when I was told, I was shocked by the fact that I felt no emotion whatsoever regarding his death. It wasn't until the funeral that I felt a real sense of grief at the loss. In a way, the fact that you're upset by your lack of emotion at your grandfather's death is indicative of how much you really cared about him. Don't go beating yourself up over this, man. Just be natural and go with your feelings - your mind will tell you when it is time to mourn him.
Thanks for sharing it with us, my friend. :)

thanks man. :o

Originally Posted by: rockonn91thanks man. :o

Oh, crap... I've gone and let out another embarrassing rant, haven't I? Sorry! :o :o

nah nah nahhh. that was good man. keep it comin'. hhaha.

::update::

heres a bit of a myspace blog i wrote.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

its better this way. gramps went out in style, exactly the way he wanted to. he didnt want to die slow, he would have hated that. he lived a good long life... a WWII vet, a good marriage. he lived to see his steelers win the superbowl one last time. died happy, and so am i. im happy he got his way, im happy he was such a genuine, great old man. there was nothing fake about him. when he wanted to be a grumpy old fart, he was a grumpy old fart. i respected him and loved him for it.



so, the old guy is happy. no more bad knees and back. no more old body. im proud of him. and happy. i'll miss him, but at least i know he's doing good.



peace.

dude, I know what it's like. my grandpa died when I was 8, and I cried my eyes out. but then just last year, I had an uncle die tragically (he does landscaping type thing, and was riding the big lawn mower, it shot a rock through the windsheild which hit him in the chest and stopped his heart) and I didn't cry. I also had my great-grandpa die of old age (I think he was like 96!) and a good friend of mine's sister died of cancer, which she had been battling for a very long time. and I didn't cry at any of those deaths. I don't know why, as I tend to actually be really emotional for a guy, but I just didn't cry. I felt pretty sad, and I too felt bad for not being distraught, but I dunno.

anyway, I am sorry for your loss. hope you're doing alright

btw, your myspace blog sounds like a really good start to a short story. can I use that?

Originally Posted by: rockonn91someone told me im just in shock... who knows.

I don't know if shock is the best way to describe it. When I first found out my grandfather was dying, I too didn't react much. A couple days later the realization hit me that I would never again see this man whom I loved and respected so much. Sometimes it's all right for men to cry.

Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollyson Sometimes it's all right for men to cry.

Dammit, I wish I could realize that already. I was near tears when my 46 year old uncle was electricuted last year.

hey man, sorry to hear it.

dont feel bad about the way you grieve, whatever you feel, just go with it...

its good, man. thanks.