dude, I know what it's like. my grandpa died when I was 8, and I cried my eyes out. but then just last year, I had an uncle die tragically (he does landscaping type thing, and was riding the big lawn mower, it shot a rock through the windsheild which hit him in the chest and stopped his heart) and I didn't cry. I also had my great-grandpa die of old age (I think he was like 96!) and a good friend of mine's sister died of cancer, which she had been battling for a very long time. and I didn't cry at any of those deaths. I don't know why, as I tend to actually be really emotional for a guy, but I just didn't cry. I felt pretty sad, and I too felt bad for not being distraught, but I dunno.

anyway, I am sorry for your loss. hope you're doing alright

btw, your myspace blog sounds like a really good start to a short story. can I use that?