Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonTee hee! :D ;)
Did you just titter? :rolleyes:
Procrastinator's Blues
Did you just titter? :rolleyes:
# 1
Originally Posted by: LordathestringsDid you just titter? :rolleyes:
Yes, a nipple broke the silence.
# 2
ha ha i went back and listened to the beatle song "girl" and they really do say "tit tit tit" haha any way here are some words if anybody wants to critique them:
and with your eyes you shattered a city
the thought of your lips? apocalyptic to me
wanted to know every thing you are
you are the black hole that eats all the stars
any recolection of a memory
is blackened by the tar from your cigarette
you disapeared from my mind like smoke escaping your virgin lungs
in a kiss
it came back around and plaugued my blood stream
red lips, red lips,now im an addict
you clouded my perception of trust
and so real is the definition of lust
it hit me like a crashing car
your the black hole that eats all the stars
well, if ive got no ambition
none to live out these inscriptions
i think its fair to say that youve given me just enough
to not give a ****.....
(C)2004macias
and with your eyes you shattered a city
the thought of your lips? apocalyptic to me
wanted to know every thing you are
you are the black hole that eats all the stars
any recolection of a memory
is blackened by the tar from your cigarette
you disapeared from my mind like smoke escaping your virgin lungs
in a kiss
it came back around and plaugued my blood stream
red lips, red lips,now im an addict
you clouded my perception of trust
and so real is the definition of lust
it hit me like a crashing car
your the black hole that eats all the stars
well, if ive got no ambition
none to live out these inscriptions
i think its fair to say that youve given me just enough
to not give a ****.....
(C)2004macias
# 3
Originally Posted by: lifeis@songha ha i went back and listened to the beatle song "girl" and they really do say "tit tit tit" haha any way here are some words if anybody wants to critique them:
and with your eyes you shattered a city
the thought of your lips? apocalyptic to me
wanted to know every thing you are
you are the black hole that eats all the stars
any recolection of a memory
is blackened by the tar from your cigarette
you disapeared from my mind like smoke escaping your virgin lungs
in a kiss
it came back around and plaugued my blood stream
red lips, red lips,now im an addict
you clouded my perception of trust
and so real is the definition of lust
it hit me like a crashing car
your the black hole that eats all the stars
well, if ive got no ambition
none to live out these inscriptions
i think its fair to say that youve given me just enough
to not give a ****.....
(C)2004macias
Well done bud. Let's hear it on the listening post.
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
METOOB
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.
METOOB
# 4
Originally Posted by: lifeis@songand with your eyes you shattered a city
the thought of your lips? apocalyptic to me
First thing I notice about this song. First line is pretty cool phrasing, however, as Robert Frost would tell you, it's best to change the first linein order to accomodate the second, because it seems more natural. That second line seems a bit forced, maybe put the city line second and an edited version of the second before it.
# 5
Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonFirst thing I notice about this song. First line is pretty cool phrasing, however, as Robert Frost would tell you, it's best to change the first linein order to accomodate the second, because it seems more natural. That second line seems a bit forced, maybe put the city line second and an edited version of the second before it.
yea i'll work on that one. thanks
# 6
