Originally Posted by: PonyOnefirst of all i think it might be a good idea to stop telling the guy to "grow the hell up," yes sometimes we all need a bitchslap but that's been dealt enough already... i think he got that message.
secondly... i can shed a bit of light on things... my dad is a high school teacher, and trained teacher assistants studying at Harvard when he was there because he had prior experience teaching, and in both situations, periodically, he would have a female student that would start to get misty-eyed over him. I asked him about this once, because he brought over five or six T.A.'s over for dinner at our house and i noticed that a couple of the girls seemed a bit too interested in what he had to say.
His response? "They're just kids." He said that it would happen; he was older, he was educated, he was nice, and sometimes these girls would get an infatuation with him. They'd ask to stay after class to help out. They'd start to show up to class dressed to kill and sit as close to the front as possible. They made an obviously concerted effort to get him to pay attention to them whenever possible, and his tactic was to always ignore it, because they were young, and they eventually would either come to their senses, realize it was just a passing fantasy, or they'd eventually just lose interest.
It wouldn't surprise me if she figured this would happen as well. I think that you need to look at the situation objectively; obviously she cared about your feelings, and didn't want to hurt you, but, at the same time, it's unfair for you to expect that, even if the two of you had an agreement to let one another know if there was something that needed to change, well, having the kid is something between her and her husband, not her and you. Knowing that you've had past issues with being suicidal and with anger, may have also played a part... maybe she was afraid to tell you becuase she was worried you'd have an extreme reaction to it. and, well, you are.
I think you should try to turn the frustration and angst you have into music. Also, I know firsthand, sometimes the best way to resolve a situation where someone in your life is causing you frustration is to let that person drift as far from the center of your life as possible. If it's really that freakin' bad, and it's breaking you up inside, maybe you should consider enrolling in a school in a different area. but what you do need to do no matter what is accept that the situation is what it is. she was never yours and most likely, will never be. it sucks, but, there's nothing that you can do, and the more you try to rationalize an alternative the further from reality you're getting; none of this "then she'll know" stuff, she already knows, dude, that's why she didn't want to tell you. she cares about you, but, not in a romantic sense. just accept it, no matter how unhappy it makes you, and do what you can to move on.
again, you've got a perfect reason in front of you to play guitar more; you've got plenty of material to write songs with, you've got the energy, you just need to reverse its polarity and make it something positive.
............................................................................, man, how did you know al of this?
