song I wrote less then 5 minutes ago


6strngs_2hmbkrs
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6strngs_2hmbkrs
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12/01/2005 12:07 am
it's kind of an alternative rock song. it just came to me suddenly. when I started it I didn't really know what I was writing, but then it became obvious that it's about a boy that feels as though he is being confined by his parents, like he doesn't have his own life, and like he's being controlled, and him wanting to run away with a girl. here it is:

I'm so fed up of your smothering me
I really just wish you'd let me be
You've planted me down like an apple tree
I wish I was more like the open sea

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

And the last time you talked to me
the words came out so angrily
I told you that I would just leave
It cut your heart and let you bleed

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

And I really don't care what you do to me
Cause you only can't help but set me free
Don't worry 'bout her, don't worry 'bout me
We'll make it just fine, just watch and see

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life
If you like cars see mine here
my spyspace
# 1
ericthecableguy
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ericthecableguy
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12/01/2005 12:15 am
Is it about you?
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

METOOB
# 2
magicninja
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magicninja
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12/01/2005 12:17 am
Not bad. Try changing around the words in the chorus so it isn't repeating so much. Even one word can make a difference. Like with the emotion of being angry about this life then try I'm sorry about this life in the next. Maybe with the MPH increase from 80 as the song goes along you know go from 80 to 90 to100.

Stuff like that but a pretty good start.
Magicninja
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# 3
6strngs_2hmbkrs
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6strngs_2hmbkrs
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12/01/2005 12:23 am
Originally Posted by: magicninjaNot bad. Try changing around the words in the chorus so it isn't repeating so much. Even one word can make a difference. Like with the emotion of being angry about this life try I'm sorry about this life. Maybe with the MPH increase from 80 as the song goes along you know go from 80 to 90 to100.

Stuff like that but a pretty good start.

the 80 in the 45 was there because eighty rhymes with angry (sort of... enough for this song anyway)

and saying you're sorry about this life.. it changes the whole mood of the song, it's supposed to be the boy fed up with all of this and just running away.

for the record, he's driving 80 in the 45 because he wants to get away as fast as possible

re-reading it now, it sounds kinda dull when just reading it, but when singing it with the melody I meant for the song it sounds much better. of course, you probably won't ever hear that melody because I'm a terrible singer and wouldn't even attempt to make a recording of that "with me singing at least"
If you like cars see mine here
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# 4
6strngs_2hmbkrs
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6strngs_2hmbkrs
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12/01/2005 12:24 am
Originally Posted by: ericthecableguyIs it about you?

kinda sorta yeah, the words came straight from the heart not the head, so yeah I guess they really are about me.
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# 5
magicninja
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magicninja
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12/01/2005 12:28 am
I love mood changes in a song. It's like telling a story and the character grows. Everybody has their own style so if you like it the way it is go with it.
Magicninja
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"If it feels right, play it. If it feels wrong, play it faster” - Magicninja
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# 6
6strngs_2hmbkrs
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6strngs_2hmbkrs
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12/01/2005 12:32 am
Originally Posted by: magicninjaI love mood changes in a song. It's like telling a story and the character grows. Everybody has their own style so if you like it the way it is go with it.

oh you meant halfway through the song? oh! I thought you meant change the whole song to "sorry". now that I know what you mean, it actually does sound kinda cool, and I also like the occasional song with mood changes.. hmm.. this could be get interesting..
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# 7
Hamberg
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Hamberg
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12/01/2005 3:33 am
I hate when lyrics rhyme in the verse personally. Its to predictable.
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# 8
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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12/01/2005 4:02 am
Originally Posted by: HambergI hate when lyrics rhyme in the verse personally. Its to predictable.

Yeah! And I hate when songs have a repeated rhythm or melody. That's so generic.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 9
magicninja
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magicninja
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12/01/2005 11:01 am
Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonYeah! And I hate when songs have a repeated rhythm or melody. That's so generic.


So help the guy out. Don't hate participate.

Sorry always needed a good time to say that. :D
Magicninja
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# 10
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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12/01/2005 3:26 pm
Originally Posted by: magicninjaSo help the guy out. Don't hate participate.

Sorry always needed a good time to say that. :D

I was being terribly sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 11
ericthecableguy
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ericthecableguy
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12/01/2005 10:37 pm
Originally Posted by: 6strngs_2hmbkrsoh you meant halfway through the song? oh! I thought you meant change the whole song to "sorry". now that I know what you mean, it actually does sound kinda cool, and I also like the occasional song with mood changes.. hmm.. this could be get interesting..


And the last time you talked to me
the words came out so angrily
I told you that I would just leave
It cut your heart and let you bleed

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

---------mood change------

And the last time you talked to me
the words came out so happily
I told you that I wouldn't just leave
It hugged your heart and let you smile :rolleyes:
For life is quite absurd and death's the final word, You must always face the curtain with a bow
Forget about your sin - give the audience a grin
Enjoy it - it's your last chance anyhow.

METOOB
# 12
magicninja
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magicninja
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12/02/2005 12:53 am
Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonI was being terribly sarcastic and tongue-in-cheek.


So was I. :cool:
Magicninja
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# 13
Fenderalltheway
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Fenderalltheway
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12/16/2005 2:20 am
Originally Posted by: 6strngs_2hmbkrsit's kind of an alternative rock song. it just came to me suddenly. when I started it I didn't really know what I was writing, but then it became obvious that it's about a boy that feels as though he is being confined by his parents, like he doesn't have his own life, and like he's being controlled, and him wanting to run away with a girl. here it is:

I'm so fed up of your smothering me
I really just wish you'd let me be
You've planted me down like an apple tree
I wish I was more like the open sea

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

And the last time you talked to me
the words came out so angrily
I told you that I would just leave
It cut your heart and let you bleed

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

And I really don't care what you do to me
Cause you only can't help but set me free
Don't worry 'bout her, don't worry 'bout me
We'll make it just fine, just watch and see

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life

Cause I'm angry about this life
I'm driving 80 in the 45
Don't want to wait here 'till you decide
Cause I'm angry about this life



im gana be like saying these words all night, i like them there cachy
"When you want to rock hard children, lean of F#."
# 14
16andlifetogo
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Joined: 11/02/05
Posts: 261
16andlifetogo
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Posts: 261
12/22/2005 1:10 am
agreed, verry catchy. nice work 6s2h. make shure to post when you get some music behind it.


my 2 cents: id change "80 in the 45" to 80 in a 45". "the 45" to me sounds like a place. JMO

good work :)
Later in the evening
As you lie awake in bed
With the echoes from the amplifiers
Ringing in your head
You smoke the day's last cigarette
Rememb'rin' what she said
Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsI'm a super hero. It's what I do.
# 15

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