some lyrics


Portis_26
Registered User
Joined: 02/17/05
Posts: 35
Portis_26
Registered User
Joined: 02/17/05
Posts: 35
10/08/2005 4:28 am
well this my first and only attempt at lyrics so yea, whatever:

Everyday I put on this mask
To protect myself from the their piercing gaze.
I live with this single face
That shows no emotion.
But behind this mask I dream of
A life full of passion.

And all that I'm left with are:

Memories from a dream;
Memories from a past that I've never seen;
Memories from a future that will never be;
Because behind this mask I hide.
Behind this mask I hide.
Behind the mask, my soul resides.

My soul has become pale
Not from darkness but absence of light.
I want to set myself free
And breathe the fresh air.
I reach to remove the mask and find
That there's nothing there.

And all that I'm left with are:

Memories from a dream;
Memories from a past that I've never seen;
Memories from a future that will never be;
Because behind this mask I hide.
Behind this mask I hide.
Behind the mask, my soul resides.

Everything I longed for has passed me by
As I watched afraid to come out.
How did I become this?
This isn't who I wanted to be.
I thought I would learn to fly, but
My fears have gotten the best of me.

Now all I'm left with are:

Memories from a dream;
Memories from a past that I've never seen;
Memories from a future that will never be;
Because behind this mask I hide.
Behind this mask I hide.
Behind the mask, my soul has died.


i hope its not too cheesy
# 1
scarface84
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Joined: 05/18/05
Posts: 242
scarface84
Registered User
Joined: 05/18/05
Posts: 242
10/08/2005 4:06 pm
Not bad, not bad at all. It's difficult to know if it's gonna be too cheesy just by reading the lyrics, with the right rythm and melody it could definitely be a good song. ;)
# 2
kill em all
Registered User
Joined: 09/01/05
Posts: 112
kill em all
Registered User
Joined: 09/01/05
Posts: 112
10/14/2005 2:27 am
Scarface is right. It's hard to tell. But I'm seeing an alternative rock/ emo song in this. It can work. Just try it. It's good you took the effort even though you had no idea, you can always revise a piece until it doesn't even remotely resemble the original, but you can never revise it if you haven't written ANYTHING.
# 3
magicninja
Guitar Tricks Moderator
Joined: 03/13/02
Posts: 3,827
magicninja
Guitar Tricks Moderator
Joined: 03/13/02
Posts: 3,827
10/17/2005 6:21 pm
Try using a different word for mask if it doesn't mess up the flow such as cover, disguise, etc. Repetition is murder for songwriters. I keep a thesaurus handy when I write. I like to think the great ones do the same. So
try this

Because behind this mask I hide
behind the disguise I hide
beneath the cover my soul has died

Just an idea.
Magicninja
Guitar Tricks Moderator

"If it feels right, play it. If it feels wrong, play it faster” - Magicninja
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# 4

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