Lyrics


x0o_BurnOut_o0x
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Joined: 02/06/05
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x0o_BurnOut_o0x
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Joined: 02/06/05
Posts: 322
05/12/2005 1:04 am
Ive got these verses down and I have almost a chorus but i was just way too anxious to get it on here and get some feedback to wait. Ill post the chorus as soon as im done with it, in the mean time, can i get some feedback, critisism? anything really.

(Verse I)
Welcome to the dawning of confusion
Individuality is a thing of the past
Risk just doesnt sell in a market
Dominated by pre approved, packaged souls,
All labeled for sale to a broken society.


(Verse II)
The road back to where we were
Is long since forgotten
Clones in an unevolving tommorrow
From a world welcoming the death of improvement,
And the rise of conformity.



Again, im almost finished the chorus but how are these? Any weak parts? Is it getting through to you or not? Thanks!
We've been dancin' with Mr. Brownstone...
# 1
Lordathestrings
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Lordathestrings
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05/12/2005 5:17 am
[font=trebuchet ms]They don't scan well. The number of sylables in the lines don't match from one verse to the other, so I wonder how well they're going to fit into the same melody?[/font]
Lordathestrings
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# 2
aschleman
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aschleman
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05/12/2005 12:19 pm
Yeah, the meat of it is good. You have a good start... but like the Lord said, try to get it into a rythym. Try to even out the syllables in each line. It helps with the flow and it also helps when you're adding guitar to it. Plus, it generally sounds better.
# 3
Cryptic Excretions
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Cryptic Excretions
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05/12/2005 1:07 pm
Whoah dude. You and blvd_brkn_drms both start your songs off with almost the exact same thing. welcome to the dawn of. Check out the Song I wrote thread for this one. Talk about irony.
The Gods Made Heavy Metal, And They Saw That It Was Good
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# 4
x0o_BurnOut_o0x
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x0o_BurnOut_o0x
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05/12/2005 7:38 pm
Yeah, when i was writing it out on here i was reading it over a last time and i need to fix the sylable count and add a ryme scheme, but i just wanted to get a general idea, to see if i was getting through. Last time i wrote a song, I cocentrated more on the ryming and it had no substanceand it just turned out horrible. Hm, I havent seen blvd's song yet, ill have to look. But thanks for the comments, I got the chorus, im gonna have to tweak it alittle to get it to ryme or what not but here it is.....


Where has all the danger gone?
We left it all behind,
Since when is self discovery wrong?
And being traded for safety of mind?
We've been dancin' with Mr. Brownstone...
# 5
Andrew Sa
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Andrew Sa
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05/23/2005 12:54 am
Originally Posted by: Cryptic ExcretionsWhoah dude. You and blvd_brkn_drms both start your songs off with almost the exact same thing. welcome to the dawn of. Check out the Song I wrote thread for this one. Talk about irony.


Hey! would you look at that!?!
[FONT=Century Gothic]Hope is when we feel the pain that makes us try again[/FONT]
# 6
Blazinshreder8
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Blazinshreder8
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05/24/2005 12:38 am
I can't really tell you what I think of it, probably because I dont know the melody of the song.... The lyrics arent bad, I think you went a little over bared on the words that requier saying more then 2 or 3 sylibols.
-Keep Rockin'
-Jared
# 7

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