A Whisper From Beyond The Grave


Adji
Registered User
Joined: 12/10/04
Posts: 8
Adji
Registered User
Joined: 12/10/04
Posts: 8
03/27/2005 2:20 pm
Okay, hi everyone.
Im in a couple of bands an im the main songwriter in all of them, so im always writing stuff and im jusually quite happy with my work.
One of my bands - Havenstance - is a band similar to Nightwish and stuff like that. and here is the lyrics for a song i worte called A Whisper From Beyond The Grave.
I would really appreciate it if you could give me some constructive criticism and feedback, but when ive posted this on other forums most have seemed to like it. Thankyou.

A WHISPER FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE

VERSE 1
I find myself staring up at the sky.
I feel the chills running up and down my spine.
Wondering what it must have been like
To hold you all night.
And now it's all over just a bit too soon.
I wonder where, my life dissapeared to.
If only i could have known you're name.
It all would not have been the same.

VERSE 2
I exhale a last breath into the flowing wind.
I feel at least a part of me must be free.
I'm getting deeper under the spoilt ground.
Try to release this misery in me.
A single tear drop like lightning on the road.
A body scarred and burnt.
I lay open armed like a winged beast.
And prayed for the sun to shine.

VERSE 3
Just a whisper from beyond my grave.
These feelings i do deprave.
I tried to hold on, be there for you.
But i knew you didn't want me to.
So i finally gave up the fight.
I finally sank away into the night.
I tried to hold on, be there for you.
A whisper from beyond the grave.
A whisper from beyond the grave.

(Oohing)
A whisper from beyond the grave.
# 1
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
Cryptic Excretions
Attorney at Law
Joined: 01/31/04
Posts: 3,055
04/08/2005 3:54 pm
Not much that can be said that hasn't been said already. Good lyrics though. hell of a lot better than mine. How long did it take you to write those? I usually take as long to write lyrics as I do the rest of the song they go with.
The Gods Made Heavy Metal, And They Saw That It Was Good
They Said To Play It Louder Than Hell, We Promised That We Would

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Whatever you do, don't eat limes. A friend of mine ate a lime once and BAM!! Two years later. Herpes.
# 2
crazywolf
Samson
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 371
crazywolf
Samson
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 371
04/09/2005 8:48 pm
I thought it was pretty good overall! Its a bit hard to give feedback without hearing how the lyrics are supposed to sound or flow.
I would suggest [U]maybe[/U] trying to make the word flow together a little more. It seems like you had a basic rhythm you tried to stick to, but a few of the line didn't really seem to fit; as in shorter that most of the other lines. That just might be the way you wanted it though, seeing as how verse 1 and 3 rhymed, but 2 did not.
It looks like you put a lot of work into the lyrics and it shows!!
1 Peter 2:16
# 3
clintondhagen
Registered User
Joined: 02/09/05
Posts: 22
clintondhagen
Registered User
Joined: 02/09/05
Posts: 22
04/15/2005 9:57 pm
rather than restateing whats allready been said i agree with crazy wolf

need to hear it
# 4

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