Leave me


KillerMonkey
Registered User
Joined: 02/19/05
Posts: 3
KillerMonkey
Registered User
Joined: 02/19/05
Posts: 3
02/19/2005 5:43 am
GET AWAY FROM ME
leave right now
OR ANSWER ME RIGHT NOW
let me stay
IM SICK OF YOU
pushing me around like you've known me all you're life

Bass and drums kick in

YOU DONT UNDERSTAND ME
you dont even try
WHY DO YOU THINK YOU KNOW ME
im so tired of trying
to make you understand me
YOU'RE DEFYING ME
and i cant stand it

WHY ARE YOU
here all by yourself
your lying and hopeless
do you even try to be you
instead of someone you arent
IM SO TIRED OF THIS
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE

LEAVE!GET OUT!
i never want to see your face again
what are you standing there for
i thought i told you to leave

WHY ARE YOU
here all by yourself
your lying and hopeless
do you even try to be you
instead of someone you arent
IM SO TIRED OF THIS
I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE
# 1
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
02/19/2005 2:03 pm
Lemme guess, scream vocals? I'm gonna have to say "no" to this song until you tell me it's actually sung and not just yelled.

PS. if it IS sung, not bad, dude! I really liked the line about "do you even try to be you"
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 2
KillerMonkey
Registered User
Joined: 02/19/05
Posts: 3
KillerMonkey
Registered User
Joined: 02/19/05
Posts: 3
02/19/2005 5:33 pm
Originally Posted by: AkiraI found it a tad cliche in places, but it's not bad.[/QUOTE]
Lol thnx
[QUOTE=Jolly McJollyson]Lemme guess, scream vocals? I'm gonna have to say "no" to this song until you tell me it's actually sung and not just yelled.

PS. if it IS sung, not bad, dude! I really liked the line about "do you even try to be you"

most of it is sung...my caps just kept switching off and on

idk y
# 3
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
02/19/2005 5:34 pm
oh cool. In that case, nice song, man.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 4
alucard0941
Registered User
Joined: 01/06/04
Posts: 1,472
alucard0941
Registered User
Joined: 01/06/04
Posts: 1,472
02/20/2005 9:20 pm
I cant really judge lyrics without the music.

It has to flow with the music to be good aswell.
__
/--\
o-/-||-\-o
o-/ -||- \-o
o-\ -||- /-o
\___/
|--|
|--|
|--|
:eek:


My Music

whoooo hoooo !!!!
# 5
crazywolf
Samson
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 371
crazywolf
Samson
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 371
02/20/2005 9:32 pm
Ok.....I can see the view that "oh, I don't like this song cuz its too cliche." (I'm talking more in general than this specific thread, but it still applies.) Ya, I'll admit, that is a turn off. The thing I don't quite get is why? We write about things going on in our lifes, our emotions, etc... If something is going on in my life that is concidered cliche, like a break-up or falling in love, should I not write about it? Is it to cliche for me to even have a gf or fall in love?

*I'm being a little sarcastic in case you couldn't tell.
1 Peter 2:16
# 6
kingdavid
Registered User
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 1,149
kingdavid
Registered User
Joined: 01/25/02
Posts: 1,149
02/21/2005 3:51 pm
Originally Posted by: crazywolfOk.....I can see the view that "oh, I don't like this song cuz its too cliche." (I'm talking more in general than this specific thread, but it still applies.) Ya, I'll admit, that is a turn off. The thing I don't quite get is why? We write about things going on in our lifes, our emotions, etc... If something is going on in my life that is concidered cliche, like a break-up or falling in love, should I not write about it? Is it to cliche for me to even have a gf or fall in love?

*I'm being a little sarcastic in case you couldn't tell.

You have a point, but I think it also matters how you say what you're saying. If you just come out shouting at me that you're angry, life sucks, yada yada yada, " I'm not a perfect person..."( who the F doesn't know that?), etc, it becomes boring, and yes, a put off. Lately I've been hearing a lot of youngster bands (no offence directed at youngsters, don't start) going on about how life sucks and stuff, with songs predictably going at some BPM around 120 (I think, I haven't actually timed them), and it's really really eye-roll material.
# 7
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
Jolly McJollyson
Chick Magnet
Joined: 09/07/03
Posts: 5,457
02/21/2005 7:06 pm
Originally Posted by: kingdavidYou have a point, but I think it also matters how you say what you're saying. If you just come out shouting at me that you're angry, life sucks, yada yada yada, " I'm not a perfect person..."( who the F doesn't know that?), etc, it becomes boring, and yes, a put off. Lately I've been hearing a lot of youngster bands (no offence directed at youngsters, don't start) going on about how life sucks and stuff, with songs predictably going at some BPM around 120 (I think, I haven't actually timed them), and it's really really eye-roll material.

Almost word for word what I was going to say. It's not what you're talking about, it's what you say. Nice job laying into Hoobastank, too, hahaha.
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 8
paradyme
Registered User
Joined: 02/01/05
Posts: 131
paradyme
Registered User
Joined: 02/01/05
Posts: 131
02/21/2005 11:48 pm
Originally Posted by: 3rd_degreeburnway too cliche for my tastes...
sorta like the " I lost my girlfriend and im depressed" punk (this generations punk...not the old school stuff) crap or the " I hate everthing about you" cliche crap
good try though



I have to respectfully agree with this post at least as far as theme goes. I will say that there is definite skill evident in the writing style. I'd apply your skills to another theme. The "no one understands me" thing is way played out. And I am guilty of writing more than my fair share of those lyrics.

Like I said- there is lyrical skill evident in the writing, but I'd try to find a more clever way to sneak it in thematically.

peace
[FONT=Times New Roman]The rich get richer til the poor get educated.[/FONT]
-Sage Francis
# 9
paradyme
Registered User
Joined: 02/01/05
Posts: 131
paradyme
Registered User
Joined: 02/01/05
Posts: 131
02/21/2005 11:54 pm
Originally Posted by: crazywolfOk.....I can see the view that "oh, I don't like this song cuz its too cliche." (I'm talking more in general than this specific thread, but it still applies.) Ya, I'll admit, that is a turn off. The thing I don't quite get is why? We write about things going on in our lifes, our emotions, etc... If something is going on in my life that is concidered cliche, like a break-up or falling in love, should I not write about it? Is it to cliche for me to even have a gf or fall in love?

*I'm being a little sarcastic in case you couldn't tell.


What defines great writers is being able to express these things that we all do experience in novel ways. Sadly, the emo kids beat you to the punch and made angst boring.

Like maybe if the song was more narrative and multidimensional, it would have more merit. Then again, it is tough to make that call without music behind it. Simple lyrics in that case can be fine, but it depends. On the other hand, how many truly great heartbreak songs are timeless? How many have been written in total? It's gotta be like 1:10,000 on timeless to total. Why? because those songs are either truly beautiful explorations of human emotions, or creative and compelling ways to tell the story. a standard I try to apply is this: what if I were to be judged on the merits of this piece alone? If it's throwaway (and I'm not saying your song is), I as an artist have been filed under G.

Too many songs are throwaways and often because they are teen angst which everyone grows out of or because they are done in a couture style that soon falls out of vogue.

peace
[FONT=Times New Roman]The rich get richer til the poor get educated.[/FONT]
-Sage Francis
# 10

Please register with a free account to post on the forum.