Songwritinf Talent awasting?


kingdavid
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kingdavid
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05/19/2004 12:51 pm
I submitted an entry to a reality TV show that will be coming up in South Africa(www.projectfame.co.za),and amongst other things,they required one to write a verse with the word "imagine".John Lennon's "Imagine" is the relevance,in case you're wondering.
This is what I wrote.And I want to hear what you guys think.And you can diss me if you want(this is guitartricks,where the first ammendment was in vented).The first is the one about freedom of speech,right?
Here goes:
The demons lord and roam the island
Bridges burnt by the princes of light
The totem pole bows to the wind
As the sands dance with the sea
The baby kicks,the breast is bitter
The baby wails,the milk is sour,
And as they come to take her away
She imagines it was all in vain.

I wrote part of this in about an hour(upto the milk being sour),and finished it the next day.
If you want my "interpretation",let me know.
# 1
basics
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basics
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05/19/2004 9:44 pm
The native baby is being taken to hell for drinking her mothers sour breast milk?
# 2
Jolly McJollyson
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Jolly McJollyson
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05/19/2004 11:27 pm
hahahahahahahaha
I want the bomb
I want the P-funk!

My band is better than yours...
# 3
iiholly
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iiholly
hmm
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05/20/2004 12:58 am
I think that means your interpretation is necessary... ^^. I looked over it a few times, and have yet to understand it (no offense.) :)

# 4
kingdavid
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kingdavid
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05/20/2004 12:26 pm
It's probably naive(on my part) or unfair(on your part) to write a coupla lines that could well mean anything,then ask folks what they think.Much better if it was a complete song(or poem).Maybe I'll finish it and then ask again.As it stands,it's like an intro to something,the song's synopsis.
But all the same,it's interesting when someone says what they think it's about.Basics,there's no native baby being taken to hell! :D What makes you think of native?The "wild island" thing?
# 5
iamthe_eggman
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iamthe_eggman
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05/20/2004 3:51 pm
Did you submit it yet? I've always thought it was unfair/cheesy of a writer to write something and not know personally what it was about. Even if people can take away several meanings, the writer should have an idea what the piece is about, in my opinion; it helps keep the work "on track", if you know what I mean.

And if you don't, I don't care, because I am seriously ill (well, I have a stubborn cold).
... and that's all I have to say about that.

[U]ALL[/U] generalizations are [U]WRONG[/U]

[/sarcasm]
# 6
basics
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basics
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05/20/2004 9:54 pm
Don't get me wrong, it's nicely written.

First part is about hell though, right?

"The demons lord and roam the island
Bridges burnt by the princes of light"

This is where I got native from... "The totem pole bows to the wind"

This part could mean anything to me though...
"The baby kicks,the breast is bitter
The baby wails,the milk is sour,
And as they come to take her away
She imagines it was all in vain."

The mother or the child being taken away and is she being taken away from the island where the beasts roam? Oh, maybe the mother/baby was being taken away for not being able to support or provide for her child.

Anyway, lots can be read into it I guess.
# 7
Inisfail
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Inisfail
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05/20/2004 10:22 pm
This is my interpretation of it:

"The demons lord and roam the island"

Hell, not where the mother is, but what the baby will come to. Hell is not the Hell most of us think of, but a metaphor of a bad place.

"Bridges burnt by the princes of ligh"

the Purgatory. Princes of light is the nuclear weapons or at least a flaming war.

"The totem pole bows to the wind"

People are ready to change their way of believing in their god or gods if it gain themself.. The god is almost everytime a symbol of life and all that exist.

"As the sands dance with the sea"

Two opposites (life for one, death for another and vice versa). But now, they are mostly the same. You know, like the the Flood.

"The baby kicks,the breast is bitter
The baby wails,the milk is sour
"

The mothers life is taken away. Her body, her shell is the only thing left. The mother may be earth, the baby may the the poeple of eart. And maybe the mother died when she borned the baby. Many says that humanity will be it own's destructor.

"And as they come to take her away
She imagines it was all in vain..
"

This is what doesn't fit in in my reasoning. It may be the god. But, I don't know..

Well, nice written, David! I hope you'll get the entry!!!
Peace Sells... But Who's Buying?
# 8
kingdavid
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kingdavid
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05/24/2004 1:25 pm
I'm liking your interpretations!
This is what I'll do,after I see there are no more posts coming in,and that it's basically over,I'll then give my own explanation.A bit like revising a paper with your teacher after he/she has given you your F!
I know what it's about eggman;I wrote it.
# 9
kingdavid
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kingdavid
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05/26/2004 3:55 pm
I guess this would be as good a time as any to post the long-awaited(ahem) explanation.
Some of the verse could apply to anyone,some of it is personal.
Here goes:
"The demons lord and roam the island..."
That's pain buried inside ones heart.The island is the heart,the demons are the pain.The lording part,ruling,came as an afterthought.
"...bridges burnt by the princes of light..."
If you're stuck on an island,you need to use a bridge to get away.You could also use a boat(or swim!),but for the sake of the verse we're using bridges.The bridges are the avenues through which we're suposed to be expressing our pain to those we expect to care about us,our princes of light.But those princes are the very people who'll **** you up the most.Your friends,family,loved ones.They burn the bridges.
"...the totem pole bows to the storm(wind could work here just as well),and the sands dance with the sea..."
When land surveyors cut up some piece of land,they usually plant long poles with some stuff tied to the tops of the poles to mark out the borders.I think these poles are called totem poles.If they're not,then totem poles serve a similar job.Now,if you were to rebuild the burnt bridges,you'd need to mark out where you'll dig the trenches and all that.You'd need the totem poles.But your efforts to make it allright aren't working.The wind is blowing hard,and your resolve is crashing.The totem pole is being blown by the wind,and instead of writing that,I chose to use "...bows to the wind..."I liked the master/slave vibe to it.As for the sands,if you're to rebuild the bridges,you need a firm foundation.But as the proverb goes,a foundation built on sand won't last.And if the sands are shifting,well,you're outta luck,it won't work.And here,the sands are shifting.When the tide comes in,it keeps moving stuff slowly,including the sand.So the sand is being moved by the water.Or to put it differently,"...the sands dance with the sea..."
"...the baby kicks,the breast is bitter,the baby wails,the milk is sour..."
That's basically the relationship I had with my mother.We didn't always get along.And when I was contemplating writing to her and talking to her about us,at that very moment I was thinking those things,her rigor mortis was just about kicking in.She really tried to do me right;she really did.I can see clearly now,let's say.I need not say more.
"...and as they come to take her away,she imagines it was all in vain."
Again,my mother.I'm basically going back to her final moments.
And there you have it.
I wrote upto "...the milk is sour..." on a Friday,over approximately 30-60 minutes.Then I had to go.When I came back to it(the next day),I couldn't quite make it flow,hence that degeneration that's apparent(I think) from the line "..and as they come...".It's a lack of writing finesse,I guess(hey,that ryhmes!).
Considering that that was the first complete verse I've ever writen(besides some shairis-swahili poems- I did in high school),I'm getting impressed by myself.If I work at it,I think I could end being something of a writer.
Unfortunately(or who knows,maybe fortunately),I didn't get selected for the show.But it was fun trying,and I met quite a few cool dudes(and girls-beautiful ones who play the guitar :) ).There's this one dude,bespectacled,goateed,afro-puffed and albino.He taught me a Papa Wemba song(well long,should you be familiar with african artists)which I sang during the second round of the auditions.I would love to be in a band with this dude.

So you see,Eggmeister,I knew what it was about.And with regard to artists being able to recognise what they write about,here's an article you might find interesting:
http://www.guitarnoise.com/article.php?id=427
# 10
iamthe_eggman
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iamthe_eggman
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05/26/2004 6:05 pm
I've got some poetry I've always wanted brutally honest opinions on. Should we start posting some of that kind of stuff in Songwriting, or is it too non-guitar related? What do you guys think?
... and that's all I have to say about that.

[U]ALL[/U] generalizations are [U]WRONG[/U]

[/sarcasm]
# 11
kingdavid
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kingdavid
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05/27/2004 1:08 pm
Originally Posted by: iamthe_eggmanI've got some poetry I've always wanted brutally honest opinions on...

It seems brutal opinions are a bit hard to come by around here.Or maybe the silence ought to be a hint. :eek:
# 12

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