101 Rules of Nu-Metal

1. When asked who your musical influences are, say Black Sabbath -- always Black Sabbath.
2. Make sure you don't sound like Black Sabbath at all even though you said that they're your musical influences.
3. Make fun of popular music especially Britney Spears and any boyband. This is non-negotiable.
4. When conducting interviews always say the words "@#%$", "fag", and "@#%$".
5. Accept interviews only from the following music magazines: Metal Edge, Revolver, Alternative Press, Hit Parader, Guitar World, Kerrang! and Rolling Stone.
6. Pay them $50 to mention the word "metal" in correlation with your music, in every single interview.
7. Add another $50 if they are able to invent a new genre dedicated solely to your band -- ie. Death Metal Disco (Static X), Melodic-core (Thursday), Christian Rap Metal (POD).
8. Make sure that at least one of your band members have an existing side project, or at least planning to start one.
9. Ask your mom to go to the nearest "Ross" beauty shop to buy six boxes of Lander hair gel.
10. Use the word "gay" when referring to anything you don't like.
11. No guitar solos.
12. Your drumming techniques must consist of "bass-snare, bass-snare" drumming only.
13. In order for your bassist to win a "Best Bass Player Award", make sure that they...
14. ...are female or...
15. ...use the "slap and pop" playing style.
16. Jump in the air while playing your guitar, and while in mid-air place the guitar on your side.
17. During concerts, ask your audience to sing along...
18. ...jump up and down...
19. ...put their hands in the air...
20. ...flash their middle-fingers...
21. ...and be careful not to hurt each other.
22. In the liner notes of your album, dedicate it to your parents, and to more than 15 different nu-metal bands with at least 4 bands which you borrowed your sound from.
23. Your second album must be weaker than the first one.
24. Make sure that at least one band member...
25. ...has been previously arrested...
26. ...drinks beer...
27. ...or smokes marijuana.
28. During interviews deny any form of drug-use in your band.
29. Say you hate Limp Bizkit, then contradict your statement by sticking up for bands like Taproot, Drowning Pool, and Primer 55.
30. When describing bands which you think are good, end every statement with "kicks ass".
31. When describing bands you hate, end every statement with either "sucks dick", or "@#%$ sucks ass".
32. Pretend that you've been abused as a child and when no one believes you, hold...
32. ...your depressing song lyrics as evidence, and if that doesn't work...
33. ...donate 3% of your earnings to anti-child abuse foundations.
34. Your record label must be either one of the following (and there subsidiaries): Sony, Interscope, Warner, Geffen, Virgin, Roadrunner, and Island/Def Jam.
35. Wear baseball caps, shades, wallet-chains, or any other fancy-schmancy fashion accessory EVERYTIME.
36. Your pants must be 3 times larger than your original waist length.
37. Say "shaznit".
38. Say "tight as @#%$" whenever possible.
39. Pretend that you hate MTV, and say that you detest the playing of your videos without your consent -- but deep down inside you really like the way they promote your music.
40. When meeting up with Kurt Loder and Carson Daly, be sure to meet up with Fred Durst to ask for pointers.
41. Always give credit to Korn and say they brought back "metal" from the dead.
42. Make sure you have at least one female member.
43. Be at every single "Ozzfest" tour.
44. Your t-shirts must be plain black with your logo in front and a teen-angst quote in the back.
45. Pretend that you design your own website.
46. Get Ross Robinson, GGGarth, or Brendan O' Brien to produce your record.
47. Always make sure that you delay your album release. If it's scheduled for June 5, move it to July 7. Do this at least twice per album.
48. Ask guest rappers or any member from another nu-metal band to participate on your album.
49. Always whine.
50. Close your eyes when singing to show how "depressed" you are -- ie. Staind
51. Body piercings are a must.
52. Make sure that you have at least one band member that's bald...
53. ...or have a goatee.
54. Pretend that you hate the world.
55. During live shows, make sure that you dive to the crowd and ask them to return you back.
56. Your pants must be low-waist, and must show your boxers underneath when you lift your shirt.
57. Your drummer must be topless during live concerts.
58. Bite the microphone when singing.
59. Swing the microphone stand while headbanging in unison.
60. Always suck up to the crowd during a live performance -- ie. "its a good day to be here in Los-@#%$-Angeles!"
61. Insert the word "@#%$" in the middle of two words -- ie. "I like coco-@#%$-nut"
62. Zildijan must be your official cymbals.
63. Your guitars must be Ibanez or Fender. Accept no substitutes.
64. Always use seven-string guitars.
65. The more stomp boxes and pedals you have, the bigger the chances of you winning a "Best Guitar Player" award. So get to it!
66. Wear facepaints or masks, and when someone labels you a Slipknot rip-off say that you existed as early as 1977.
67. When someone asks how your next album is going to turn out, say that its going to be the "heavy-@#%$-iest album of all @#%$ time".
68. Read #67 but add more of the word "@#%$" as much as possible for emphasis.
69. Make sure that when it comes out, it doesn't sound as heavy as you said it would be.
70. Your song lyrics must have the word "@#%$" on at least 3 songs. This rule only applies to pretentious "tough-as-nails" bands.
71. Pick fights with random bands to show how "bad-ass" you are.
72. If you intend to copy someone else's sound -- don't use any form of profanity whatsoever when writing song lyrics, so the attention of the critiques will be focused on the lyrical content instead of your music. For more information, ask Linkin Park because they are considered as the "masters" of this art.
73. When kids start calling your band "sell-outs", reply that if they were on your position they'd do the same thing as well.
74. When kids start calling you a copycat, say that the band you're being compared to is one of your musical influences or....
75. ...its just a coincidence.
76. Make fun of gay people at all times. This is a perfect way to hide the fact that you're a closet gay.
77. When your parents tells you to go to your room -- go to your room.
78. You must have a studio album out every year. If you can't pull a studio album in just a year, an album with demos and remixes of old songs will do.
79. Make sure that you get into a scuffle with security on every single concert you partake in to cause a "scene".
80. Wash your sneakers only 4 times a year.
81. Wear clothes from a particular clothing company -- and soon they will ask you to endorse their wardrobe. Perfect choices are Adidas and Puma.
82. Release a video that contains nothing but backstage footage of your band making asses out of themselves.
83. During live shows say that you're about to perform a song they already know. Utter the first word of the song title then ask the fans to complete the name of the song by pointing the mic towards them. Keep on doing it until they scream the title crystal clear, or if you've wasted 5 minutes just getting them to complete the task.
84. Your fanbase must comprise of 90% morons that have usernames on the internet patterned after your band (ie. Mudvayne fans - DeathBloomsDig99) and the last 10% with smart guys that use original names.
85. Your band name must be a mispelling of an original word.
86. When parents start blaming your band for having songs that incite violence, turn the blame back on them by saying "you never spent time enough with your kids".
87. When someone points out the similarities of your music with another band which rose to popularity just recently, pretend that you've never heard of them before.
88. Cancel at least 5 of the tour dates you intend to play in the near future.
89. Claim that the posturings of anger and depression in your songs are genuine.
90. Insist that your band is "metal" at all times.
91. Best Buy and Hot Topic must be your core album distributors.
92. Say that you're going to commit suicide whenever no one pays attention to you.
93. Your idea of being unique is donning black and white facepaint and acting like a depressed troll in your bedroom.
94. Pretend that you like Kittie's music but in reality you just want to score on at least one member.
95. Say that rule #94 is a lie! Then stomp your foot on the ground repeatedly while screaming "that's not true! that's not true!" over and over again.
96. Your first radio single must have clean vocals or at least melodic riffing.
97. Waste your time writing a song dedicated to taking potshots at the critiques and the people that make fun of your otherwise STUPID music.
98. If you are a new band, cover an old 80s song and make it as catchy as you can. Ship this song as your first radio single -- instant success!
99. Participate in as many compilation albums as you can.
100. Strictly no guitar solos.
101. You are offended personally by every single rule written above.

couldnt have said it better myself, except #63, you forgot PRS, cuz ive seen lots of nu-metal people playin PRS. Not to say that PRS are a bad company, just that u can suck while playing a pretty expensive guitar that has a massive wood flame on it (for a pic, see the cover of the march issue of guitar one, with the nickelback dude on the cover).

You bastards.

And don't say a thing about PRS till you've played one. Have you played one? I wouldn't be suprised if you haven't.

And Incubus plays hollow-body Paul Reed Smith's. Don't tell me Incubus doesn't have any talent.

Chill, man!! :eek:

The point was that poseurs can suck big-time while clutching a fine axe. That's not a knock against PRS. If anything, it shows that they are respected so widely that people hope to raise their own stature by acquiring one!

some of thouse were pretty funny hehehe, alot of "nu-metal bands" have alot of talent though, but I can see what your talking about. Mudvayne :) that's a good band.

Ahhhhh, they all come out of the woodwork now don't they....all those little mini-moshers who think nu-metal's actually good...am i being too mean? i've not ben here for a while, i may have forgotten some things. Think some people need to read and understand posts properly before they go storming in with a reply tho (ie the guy who thought u were having a go at PRS when i think u stated PRETTY CLEARLY that u weren't, josh)...

i really want to go ask some nu-metal band if they know what a scale is?

Sure they do...

...fish are covered with them

he he he

D.

thanks for backin me up, those that did.
I have played a PRS, although only for maybe 20 minutes while at Guitar Center and I thought it was really sweet to play, BUT I don't really have enough $$ to buy one. I wasn't sayin that PRS guitars are bad, just that several bad bands use them, and, even if great guitar players do use them, there is no guarantee that they won't be used in nu-metal, by guitarists that possibly won't use the guitars to the full potential of their tone.

you can't blame the guitar, that's why seven string guitars have a bad rap. but many greats have used them for good as well, vai and petrucci for example.


side note: Mikael Akerfeldt of Opeth uses a PRS.

Originally posted by Lordathestrings
That's not a knock against PRS. If anything, it shows that they are respected so widely that people hope to raise their own stature by acquiring one! [/B]

Damn I have finally been rumbled !

I freaked on someone before. Didn't mean it. I was a little stressed. I just got done posting something in a different page with a bunch of people say which was better "punk" or "metal."

I'm sick of listening to idiots who don't know what they're talking about. You guys obviously do though.

Nevermind. Carry on.

Originally posted by zepp_rules
i really want to go ask some nu-metal band if they know what a scale is?

Who cares about that?

I am getting tired of this.
Kurt Cobain for example did not know what a scale was and still he was one of the most talented musicians/songwriters of the 90's.
Remember, scales have nothing to do with talent! Any idiot can spend 5 hours/day and learn the damn scales and still he can play the most boring stuff on the planet.
Here i'm not ranting aginst zepp_rules rather on this whole notion of considering one guitarist "very talented" for the sole reason of being technicaly adept. C'mon cut that crap.
We are in the 21st century alredy. You should have gone through in the ninties. Grow up, if you have this type of thinking you will never do original music.

And speaking about the new metal thing: In the begining it was a very original and fres thing to combine metal and rap and I really like these early days e.g. the first Korn, the first Limp Bizkit, Body Count. But just like it happened with punk in the late 70's and with grunge in the 90's, it got devoured by the industry, new metal got self destroyed because it got full of bands who did not developed the style further and who just followed the cliches and formulas to acheive commercial succes. And they did-- examples Papa Roach, Likin Park, Crazy Town. Crazy Town are really the biggest asses cuz as far as I know in the 90's they were a typical LA-Guns n'roses kind of hard rock band and they were playin in some clubs without acheiving any succes. Then as the new metal fashion poped up they decided to conform to it and they became stars. And now, their new song, I heard today is pretty much a rock song, that EVEN HAS A SOLO!!! -- just in accordance with this wave of rock wave that is coming up lately( The Strokes, Vines, White Stripes etc). So you see how things work, you shoud not swear at a whole style but rather at bastards like the mentioned.
Last point -- many people tend to say "it is stupid to mix rap n' metal. it sux". OK. that is a personal opinion. I just want to say to those people that mixing styles for me is the only way of making original music, because all the styles are already used up. You have to face that. YOu won't be a better shredder than Vai, Malmsteen, Becker or etc, you wont make better rock ballads than G n'R, Aerosmith, Scorpions...should I continue? Rather than that you have relly good chances to amaze us with your unique mixture of let's say ...industrial and reggae or jazz and punk with ellements of post punk new wave.
Why should you dig in other people's territories?
To me it seems that what I'm sayin is common knowledge and probably it is common knowledge to many people posting on GT. But I feel that there are others who don't get that.

[Edited by Slow Diver on 03-06-2003 at 05:55 AM]

well, i think that settles that, well done. The only thing i would say is that crazy town obviously deserve some stick for not being at all original and literally just jumping on other people's bandwagons. I think this is what's known as selling out/having no imagination or creativity...