Shy about performing - but not what you'd expect

I have a problem with playing my music in front of a few people. I have no problem playing in front of huge crowds though. Here's the deal: I've been playing classical piano since I was 5. I made a TV commercial on the piano when I was 7, and wasn't phased by the cameras. I performed in regional talent shows in highschool in front of thousands of people, played on the local tv station's saturday morning talent showcase numerous times, etc. It was the same with other instruments. I played the guitar in front of my entire school several times when I was in 5th grade. In high school, I played the flute well, was showcased various times and played solos in front of large crowds. I was also in the school chorus for a few years and did a few solos and duets. And I had no problem with any of that because they were always performances in front of large audiences.

What absolutely terrifies me is if someone is over at our house and says "Oh, you play the piano" or "hey nice guitar, play something". Or even when my wife says "sing a lullaby to the kids". This morning I was playing the flute for my kids. One's 3 and one's not even a year old. And I was nervous. Why is that? Am I the only person who have trouble sharing music in an intimate setting but is completely fearless on stage?

Originally Posted by: gary_g5I have a problem with playing my music in front of a few people. I have no problem playing in front of huge crowds though...

... Why is that?[/quote]
I've met a couple of other people like this. I think it is a boundry issue. When you are on stage or the explicit focus of attention, as in "the reason per se" for focus, there is a very clear boundry drawn between you, the performer and everyone else, the audience.

This is a very formal relationship with clearly drawn categories, lines, limits; boundries.

When you are in a less than formal situation, as you describe in your home or with your kids, the nature of the relationship is dramatically different. You are not the formal performer who has his own space that is demarcated and explicitly segregated, removed from the audience who must keep their respectful distance.

Instead, it's a casual demand made on the spot, "Oh yeah, play something while I sit here on the couch next to you and listen." Or, "Entertain the kids right now with a simple melody."

So, not only are the clear identity designations absent, but you are also "playing on demand". As opposed to a respectful audience that defers to your choice or the set program piece(s).

I respectfully suggest that it is entirely within your rights to refuse anyone a performance on demand. However, you might want to at least show your kids what you can do. :)
[QUOTE=gary_g5]Am I the only person who have trouble sharing music in an intimate setting but is completely fearless on stage?

No. I don't have any problems with either situation. I'll play anywhere, anytime. But I have flatly refused in situations when people disrespectfully suggest that I should "play something" for them on demand. Especially if it's something, or for someone I don't like. :p

Heh, you want to try busking for a no boundries experience. I did that for a couple years back in my early 20's. Started out one day as a way to get some beer money, but the money was so good I kept at it for a couple of years.

(Until the money grubbing "Busker Festival" started coming to town and ruined it for all. Then, on top of the aggressive panhandling that came with that turning everybody off, the property owners started seeing the dollar signs and wanted to start charging for locations... Everything changed just like that. There had been a certain 'troubador nobility' to it all, but it went from a few 'keepers of the faith', with respect and comraderie to competition and begging from any idiot with 4 strings still left on his guitar... Anyway...)

For me at least, it was and still is harder to play for more intimate settings. I think even during my busking experiences, there was still that expectation of performer/audience. Once that's gone, it's very personal and harder to put myself out there.

I played some bars from time to time and even a couple of competitions and those situations were similar. Whether somebody is watching me or I'm just background for their conversation, there was a "place" for everybody; an expectation. The more intimate the situation, the less that exists.