Why do you and several others fine life so terrible? I love life and enjoy living every minute of it. Life is so precious and yet you make it sound like a prison sentence. Every moment cannot be happy and rewarding. There are sad times, but the good times out weigh the bad. If it doesn't, then change it. Set you goals and make a better life for yourself, don't sit and whine about it!
As far as the song goes. I guess you can tell I didn't like it. Duh! I thought the lyrics were terrible! I think you accidently ryhmed now and then and there is no rythm to it. Lyrics must have a beat to it as you read them. There is no structure to the song accept you did call a part the chorus. Where's no the rhyming structure, no hooks, no refrain, there's nothing. There is no repeat of the title. You don't even have title and that's the first thing you should have! That a song's first hook. If you entitle the song, "For that one moment", you may be on to something. And I think that would may a very good title. I know you said it was rough, but it needs a complete rewrite. I think you should start with the title, "For that one moment" and rewrite the entire song around it.
Mr. Sasuke199, if you have to ask what the song means, then how can you say it was "Cool"? If anyone can't tell what the song is about, then the lyricist didn't do his job. And what's this "having to die for the one you love" crap! Unless you are in a life and death situation, such as, you step in front of your love and take a fatal shot that was meant for her, it's ridiculous. What's wrong with living for your love? And if life is so terrible wouldn't you want your love not to go through it, in other words, if you really loved her, you would want her to die so she wouldn't have suffer through such a terrible life! Like I said, I just don't get it. Maybe you can explain it to me!
Mr. RBX_A2, my suggestion is for you to study successful songs and pay attention to the structure. Take a song writing course or buy a songwriting book, or visit a songwriting website and you will see exactly what I am talking about. Throwing a bunch of shocking sick words together does not make a song, and it certainly does make a good song.
I know some are going to criticize me saying this is not constructive criticism, but I would have to disagree. If people say they liked it, without knowing it's meaning, etc. That is not constructive criticizm. What I say is true based upon simple basic songwriting structure and technics. If nobody every tells the the truth and informs him of what he is doing wrong, then how would he ever learn the right way of doing it?
I may have been able to tell him in a more kindly manner, but it wouldn't have been half as much fun. Anyway, that's my impression of the song and my opinion and I'm sticking to it.
Have a nice day! :)
