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Registered User
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 191
Registered User
Joined: 01/26/05
Posts: 191
09/25/2007 2:56 am
Alright i wrote this last night and then just now I re-wrote most of it so its ok.

Tell me what you think.

Just another ride through a cold dead town
across a country side marked by hands pointing down
the trees are all black and they're bark screams aloud
for this black heart that bleeds like rain from a cloud
it soak all the ground and the dead trees drink deep
for their roots betray them and all that they seek
and the black heart just grows like mold in a jar
and it pulse and spews it's acid like tar
he rips from your chest your heart he holds near
and squeezing it tight he fills it with fear

and your heart feels so soft

So your dove deep inside as if to find out
thats its not dark and grey, there was never a doubt
and now buried within this world flat and dead
you find yourself wishing you'd stayed out of my head

and your mind feels so sane

now empty streets a stage and the buildings back-drops
for the play masquerades and the actors are props
and the lights burnt out when the sun left the stage
but the play still proceeds as if nothing has changed

and the audience is rocks


The one line parts are probably gonna be refrain type things and the lines will be repeated a few times.


Here is another one I did, it actually goes in that series I mentioned in the other thread if anybody cares but I may as well post it. Why not.

Master Puppet maker checks the broken puppets' strings
their crumpled bodies lay upon the metal floor of veins

and he hopes that some one saw this murder
he hopes that someone heard a murmur
he hopes that someone caught a glimpse
before time turned black and fact to mist

Cauterized with crack pipe crazed gone pilless for too long
suspect slaughter of his daughter lines round him are drawn

The strings that held these puppets breathing
life cut out before it's season
outside he knows there lurks a demon
outside he goes to find a reason


With this I am constraining myself to a story so its been kind of a challenge but thats why I am doing it. It is much different just coming up with a random idea or imagery and writing about it then it is trying to convey a story well enough to be kind of understood but still be fairly ambiguous.

This part of the story is a detective at a murder scene and kind of switches around a lot as far as music goes (at least the way I hear it in my head) so the four line parts are sort of his thoughts and his perspective while the quick flowing two line parts are sort of describing the scene and what is going on/ happened (appears to have happened).

It is a murder suicide btw. I don't know why I wrote such a depressing story but I did, thats actually sorta part of the concept though that this whole situation seems very very depressing and hopeless form our perspective but if you look at it from other less obvious perspectives then pain becomes meaningless. I only mention this because the line:

suspect slaughter of his daughter lines round him are drawn

has dual meanings, ie he is suspected of murdering his daughter plus lines are literally being drawn around him as he is dead too. This is supposed to communicate the idea that it is kind of being assumed a murder suicide (it's not really one) but that the detective doesn't see it that way, as is supposed to be communicated in the next part.

Its a really complicated story, particularly when I put it into lyrics because I am trying to convey all this stuff into some form that may not be immediately obvious but that is still logical and works.

I'm not sure if I've succeeded at all here. Let me know please.