The songs seem alright. I always have a hard time picking up any sort of rhythm in just plain lyrics. Hearing it over music would help obviously.
Pantoum is interesting, I bet you could create some really interesting contexts and phrasings by doing a couple hundred lines of it. I think the song could benefit from a little more attention paid to the context, and and by using more interesting words, or phrasings to say the same things. changing simple words could solve a few of the contextual issues I'm seeing. ex:
By just sitting down in a meadow
The curse will not lift forever
why not...
By just sitting down in a meadow
That curse will not lift forever
It all depends on the music really which is why it is hard to critique it without music, it's just a bunch of words now and you can really say it anyway you want. IF you can fit music over it and it sounds good then awesome.
However changing "the" to "that" is just an example of how changing one simple word can help (or hurt) the context since, in this case it seems as though "the curse" is not being connected directly to "sitting down in a meadow" which is how I interpreted the meaning, and changing "the" to "that" I think would help connect the two lines better without breaking the pantoum structure.
Thats all I mean by context and wording and such.
