My Last Chance

Here's a song I wrote in like 20 minutes...

My Last Chance
Raven Xalus

I'm hanging on by one finger, yeah
I'm gonna need you in the bitter end
So reach for me, pray for me
So I don't fall into life's suppense

Where is the last road to salvation?
Where did we go in the end?
Where will we be free at last
To never come back ever again?

I'm bleeding on the floor
won't somebody help me
I'm drowning in the water
of death and purity
This is my last chance
To find no circumstance
I want a happy end
Become my only friend...

I'd save you if I could
Love you till the mist has cleared
I won't let you cry tonight
For you I'd take my life!

Where is the last road to salvation?
Where did we go in the end?
Where will we be free at last
To never come back ever again?

I'm bleeding on the floor
won't somebody help me
I'm drowning in the water
of death and purity
This is my last chance
To find no circumstance
I want a happy end
Become my only friend...

I'm waiting for tragedy...
Until you get here for the last time...

Cool man. You have a good frame work for a song there...

The only real tiffs I have with it is the fact that it seems pretty stock, which isn't necessarily a bad thing. I write a lot of simple, stock acoustic songs. It's just comes accross as a lot of stuff that's already been said... you know?? Hard to explain, I guess.

It's kind of all over the place too... It first says:

I'm hanging on by one finger, yeah
I'm gonna need you in the bitter end
So reach for me, pray for me
So I don't fall into life's suppense

Then it goes into:

I'd save you if I could
Love you till the mist has cleared
I won't let you cry tonight
For you I'd take my life!

Which contradicts... imo.

Then you have:

Drowning in the water
of death and purity

Which is confusing because it's an oxymoron...

But like I said, you have a great frame work to work around. I'd just try to go in and rework some of the more cliche lines. Respect though.

Originally Posted by: aschlemanThen you have:

Drowning in the water
of death and purity

Which is confusing because it's an oxymoron...

What? How is that an oxymoron?

Originally Posted by: ravenx495Here's a song I wrote in like 20 minutes...

There you have it...

Originally Posted by: earthman buckWhat? How is that an oxymoron?

If death and purity are commonly interpreted to mean close to the same thing... then I retract my statement. But to me, Death is more commonly a dark... horrible thing, and purity is more commonly a bright... good thing. Hence.... oxymoron.