I'd drop the bit about you losing those other council positions and move the part about the mp3 players more to the beginning. Also, maybe give an example about how you are a good leader.

Instead of this bit here:

Originally Posted by: guitarfreak141Now as for my policies, after asking around it seems that the #1 thing people want changed, which I highly agree with, is mp3 players.

You could reword it to make it more direct to the listeners. Something like this, perhaps:

"Now as for my policies--what do you all want changed? The mp3 player ban? Yeah, everyone wants that changed! Well, that's what I'm going to do for you when you vote for me."

Or something less cheesy. :) But keep the idea of: 1) Talking to them, not at them; 2) Making it psuedo-intereractive; 3) Telling them how you can meet their request (which you just set up in the previous line).