Looking for a little feedback


whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
09/12/2006 8:32 pm
I've been writing for a long time and I've just begun looking for feedback with what I am doing. Any comments or critiques would be greatly appreciated

Somewhere, North Dakota

She's from a small town under a western sky
somewhere down a long dirt road
she thought that life was just passing her by
I guess well that's the way it goes
ride down south just for the summer
to a place in her dreams
where the salt air hangs so heavy at night
and every things as it seems

Ch. It's her right and she's right on track
she's leaving home and she ain't coming back (x2)

North Dakota always makes her cold
and plowing fields is growing old
it seemed so real her and a bluegrass band
on a Charleston summer night
no one here even knows her name
but shots thrown back she's just the same
up there the sun isn't quite so bold
and that golden glow fades as she goes away

Ch.

She'll board a plane under and eastern sky
off to somewhere she's trying to find
well forget Dakota where the winter's slow
she don't know where she want's to grow old

Ch.

She opens her eyes to that sawdust floor
a bluegrass band and a loud encore
in her own voice she screams out loud
and her decision fades into the crowd

The music I have is pretty good but I've been experimenting with the composition of words to music and this is just the latest form I've been fooling with.

Matt
# 1
acapella
Registered User
Joined: 12/08/05
Posts: 1,617
acapella
Registered User
Joined: 12/08/05
Posts: 1,617
09/13/2006 3:36 pm
I liked it. No complaints.
You go outside and practice screaming. We'll play music while you're gone.
# 2
earthman buck
Registered User
Joined: 10/15/05
Posts: 2,953
earthman buck
Registered User
Joined: 10/15/05
Posts: 2,953
09/14/2006 2:26 am
Good stuff, Matt. Keep on writin' (and postin')!
# 3
whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
09/14/2006 1:28 pm
Thanks for the comments fellas.



Matt
# 4
thebluesbreaker
Registered User
Joined: 07/20/06
Posts: 59
thebluesbreaker
Registered User
Joined: 07/20/06
Posts: 59
09/16/2006 9:42 pm
Nice that's it
# 5
Tekime
Registered User
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 12
Tekime
Registered User
Joined: 11/06/05
Posts: 12
10/13/2006 9:48 pm
Not something I would find myself writing, but I actually like the flow quite a bit. For some reason that last line "and her decision fades into the crowd" doesn't jive with me though.. "her destiny fades into the crowd" or something maybe? Heh.. just my $.02, but I liked it.
I suck, and I'll probably always suck, but if ever stop sucking, and start talking about how good I am all the time, I encourage you to punch me in the head.
# 6
whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
whtz7196
Registered User
Joined: 07/18/06
Posts: 4
10/31/2006 12:00 am
I appreciate the comments!


Matt
# 7

Please register with a free account to post on the forum.