Stephanie

met a girl called stephanie
thought she was the one for me
but sooner than i could see
she became my enemy

she was always on my mind
she was like one of a kind
she's the type so hard to find
but i wish i can rewind

one day inside a cafe
found out my friend liked her too
no way how could he betray
i didn't know what to do

you know what they say
its bros before hoes
but we became foes
and one day she'll pay
took two friendly doves
and turned them to crows

today's today and i regret
and i wish we had never met
sometimes i wish i can forget
cause the moment our eyes had met
i didn't know the bomb was set

well now she is gone
and so is my best friend
its over she won
this story's reached its end

I met a girl called stephanie
i thought she was the one for me
but sooner than i could see
she had became my enemy
and now she's just a memory

(true story)

Originally Posted by: pure
you know what they say
its bros before hoes
but we became foes
and one day she'll pay
took two friendly doves
and turned them to crows

Pretty good, man. I think it would sound great if you gave the song a bitter, ironic sort of feeling - especially the verse above, which I really like :cool:.

Good stuff, pure. The only thing I didn't like was the "bros before hoes" part. It made me laugh, and I don't think that's what you want to go for in a song like this.

i liked it wonderboy it was pretty cool man keep on :)

thanks i didn't know i'd get so much positive reviews!
i wrote the whole thing just before i went to sleep, and i sorta took a gamble with the "bros before hoes" part cause i knew a couple people would find it offensive or not fitting in with the song. but its my favorite line. jeffhx helped me with a line.

Poetic would have been nice.

Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonPoetic would have been nice.

Thats constructive... :rolleyes:

It was decent pure. Needs a little tweaking but it obviously means something to you which is important.

Originally Posted by: ericthecableguyThats constructive... :rolleyes:

It was decent pure. Needs a little tweaking but it obviously means something to you which is important.

what should i tweak... whats wrong with it...

Originally Posted by: purewhat should i tweak... whats wrong with it...

Well, let's start with the first verse:

"met a girl called stephanie
thought she was the one for me
but sooner than i could see
she became my enemy"

Yikes.

Maybe we should do this one line at a time:

"Met a girl named Stephanie"
Well, you've gone right out there and said it blatantly. That's a great way to write a song for a third grade talent show, but for real songwriting, "met a girl called stephanie" is best reserved for cheesy power-ballads by Motley Crue. Try rephrasing to something describing WHERE you met her maybe, THEN introduce her name. Lead into it like this "Mass of bodies at the junior prom/sweating, stinging, in my eyes" then follow with something introducing Stephanie.

"thought she was the one for me"
Ok, we both know that's a throw-out line. Seriously, though, it's a little hackneyed.

"but sooner than I could see"
Stretching for a rhyme isn't always worth it.

"she became my enemy"
Again, hackneyed and pretty stilted.

Remember, there's a fine line between fairly poetic and incredibly stilted.

good advice but i had already thought about that and i didn't want to make the song too long so i thought i should just keep it straight to the point.

Originally Posted by: puregood advice but i had already thought about that and i didn't want to make the song too long so i thought i should just keep it straight to the point.

Fair enough. As long as the music's interesting, it should make up for any cliche in the lyrics. On the other hand, you could use the nature of the lyrics as they are to your advantage, and give the song a really cynical, ironic feel.