'Death Row Summer'

Here's a song I wrote at the end of last summer, which I recently rediscovered in my notebook. Sounds like I was pretty down when I wrote it. Tell me what you think.

[U]Death Row Summer[/U]

Throw down your prison suits and play
A death row summer's on its way
and as the days begin to slow,
the end of everything you know
you try to sleep it all away,
try to adapt to this new way
try to unlearn your very past
A death row summer's closin' fast

And as you try to fall asleep
You feel like you're about to weep
but all your tears turn into steam
your life is ripping at the seams
And as you wonder what you'll do,
the dark night sky calls out to you
So you gaze blankly at the stars,
looking through your prison bars

And so there's nothing you can do
in this life we're born into
and before your life's begun,
the biggest chapter's almost done
another place you'll never see,
another song you'll never write,
another girl you'll never meet,
Your death row summer starts tonight.

Omg dude you should do poetry.
thats amazing stuff.
i like all the stuff i've seen you write.

:cool: Nice one, Earthman. The last verse was particularly good.

Originally Posted by: jiujitsu_jesus:cool: Nice one, Earthman. The last verse was particularly good.

I concur. The third verse is the only one I really like as it is. There are things that bother me in the first and second one, but I probably won't change those either, just for the sake of keeping it in its purest form. This was my first song, you see.

Thanks for the read, guys.

You need a hook.

Originally Posted by: iihollyYou need a hook.

Yeah, that might make it catchier. Thing is, I find hooks and choruses totally undoable. I can never think of a single thought that needs to be said more than once.

Originally Posted by: earthman buckYeah, that might make it catchier. Thing is, I find hooks and choruses totally undoable. I can never think of a single thought that needs to be said more than once.

turn each single thought into its own song. duh. how do you think people make so many songs?

Originally Posted by: pureturn each single thought into its own song. duh. how do you think people make so many songs?

That whole song kinda IS one thought. Duh.

for a chorus / hook you just need to find the central theme to the whole song, the reason why you wrote it in the first place and the meaning it has for you. that all sounds all newagy and crap but it's the way it works imo.

Originally Posted by: earthman buckThat whole song kinda IS one thought. Duh.[/QUOTE]


[QUOTE=earthman buck]Yeah, that might make it catchier. Thing is, I find hooks and choruses totally undoable. I can never think of a single thought that needs to be said more than once.

10 characters

Yeah, I was hoping no one would notice that. Kudos, pure.

All I can think of now are the Dead Kennedy's songs "Funland at the Beach" and "Holiday in Cambodia"

:D dude that rocks man you see i write songs but i cant ever felel the tune and the chords and the chord progression but with this man i could feel it and im still singin it cuz its stuck in myhead well good job its hot :)

Originally Posted by: mdaddict:D dude that rocks man you see i write songs but i cant ever felel the tune and the chords and the chord progression but with this man i could feel it and im still singin it cuz its stuck in myhead well good job its hot :)

Thanks! Glad you like it. :)

Originally Posted by: earthman buckThanks! Glad you like it. :)

kewl how old were you when you started writin songs?

Originally Posted by: mdaddictkewl how old were you when you started writin songs?

I wrote this song last August, which would have made me 16 and a little bit. I only wrote a couple before this, but they were so bad I just chucked 'em out.