My marriage councillor described it to me like this.... She said say life is a straight line and occassionally you have a really low dip - which would be a really depressed time and then you would have a huge spike - which would be the opposite - a really happy time. Its not realistic to expect that you are going to have your entire life in the really high spots, and its not realistic to think that you wont have any low ones.... She said if you wanted a life with no low times - I would have to give up the really good ones too - and just have a mediocre life with no ups or downs just there.....and once I thought about it that way - I took the crap with good.
I have been where you are - thinking that you just don't want to feel like this anymore - you just want to make it stop - somehow... Once I felt like that - that is when I went to see my Doctor. A very good friend of mine was in the middle of a divorce and depression made him snap - he took not only his own life but his infant son as well. It really freaked me out how powerful depression is (i knew this guy for years - he was the nicest guy..) but what he did was unforgivable. If you feel like you can't go on - please please go see a Doctor.... You are young and so full of potential to take you life anywhere you want to.
I was on Anti-depressants for two years - and when I finally came off of them - it was like being set free....Wonderful. That's when I got my tattoo - the one in my Avatar... I just had to express how I felt - so I would never forget that feeling....
Being young is hard - too much to learn and experience - and really just left to figure it all out on your own. It may not seem like it right now - but you are worth it and there are many people who love and care for you.
Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.
