a song

Well, I wrote this with the help of a friend, Kelsey, on two lines. I'll put a little * by the two lines she wrote for me. Anyways, don't make too much fun of it.

"Unconcious"

verse
To make is infinite
To think just dies
Kill us with heat and freazing
Or wound with lies
Or love and illusion and its burden
The dirt is a sponge
We're bleeding on
Making astute sacrifices
'til our faith is gone
or unmoving and obsolete on the surface

chorus
you wait to, you wait to, you wait and you wait and you wait to love
and then its no good
you hate to, you hate to, you and and you hate and you hate to leave
but it don't do it for you
what choice you have

verse 2
you say your prayer
asking to believe
*in your dark bed soaked with tears
you hope to retrieve
and put back into your eyes and forgive him

chorus

bridge
and i take back the madness i've said
making the poor girls' faces turn red
and i think back and claim to have known
*that wisdom is sunlight and sunlight is gold
and i loved it the secrets we've made
my father is a liar and I took on his trade
and i held it just within my reach
with my toes in the ocean and my head on the beach
and i call out her name every once in a while
and i throw out the pictures that bring back the smile
cuz she spent too much time throwing wool off the fence
she was never too good at making any sense
but once in an evening she made a reference to God
and a preacher she once called redemption and gnawed
at her finger nails all throught the night and till she prooved her point

Holy ****. :eek:

Why can't I write good songs??? :( :confused:

Pretty good. I liked some of the lines in the bridge the best.

Originally Posted by: Jolly McJollysonHoly ****. :eek:

Why can't I write good songs??? :( :confused:

Ummm... I don't know? Maybe you spend too much time thinking of robots and Rapunzel... or was it Rumpelstiltskin? And then end up writing songs about them since you think of them so oft?

Originally Posted by: iamthe_eggmanMaybe you spend too much time thinking of robots and Rapunzel... or was it Rumpelstiltskin? And then end up writing songs about them since you think of them so oft?

Yeah, that's probably it. Damn Robots. :mad:

[font=trebuchet ms]YOWzaaa! :D I'm impressed.

I hope the music allows people to hear what you're saying. I went to see some friends do a gig on Sunday, and the warm-up band was a punk girl band. I had to settle for watching them jump around because with all the screaming and power-strumming, I couldn't make out a single word. :( I'd like to think they had something worthwhile to say - I'll never know for sure, but I suspect not.[/font]

Nice song iiholly. I think those are some excellent lyrics. I was captivated with your first two lines. It made me think about how I think to much, and never do enough (I'm sure you see the cyclical redundancy here). Any way, I really liked it.

Originally Posted by: Lordathestrings[font=trebuchet ms]YOWzaaa! :D I'm impressed.[/font]

And I'm ****ing jealous!!!!!!
Honestly I'm jealous, coz I've osted lyrics here too, and didn't get that much of a reaction. And considering I felt it was Ok (although it was the first thing I'd written in like 7 years), yeah, I'm jealous.
Nice stuff Iholly.
Why can't the majors, instead of putting junk like they do take nice stuff like this and do their usual marketing plugging moves. They'd still sell (considering the crap they currently sell) and radio wouldn't make me feel so darn squeamish!!!!!
About my own writting ability (or lack of it), I think I'd be able to write well if I opened up emotionally. But that, as some boy band song sings, is the hardest thing I've ever had to do. Opening up. I guess if most of your life is littered with situations where you end up wronged by people you opened up to, closing up becomes a natural reaction.
Maybe one day.

Originally Posted by: iihollyWell, I wrote this with the help of a friend, Kelsey, on two lines. I'll put a little * by the two lines she wrote for me. Anyways, don't make too much fun of it.[/QUOTE]

Mmmm.. Kelsey's.... they have 2 for 1 wings now on Mondays...mmmmm....

[QUOTE=iiholly]*that wisdom is sunlight and sunlight is gold

I like this line... kind of Bono-ish.


Oh, and the last line doesn't have a "rhyming partner", if you know what I mean, wink wink, nudge nudge. Wait a second, there's no hidden meaning there. I actually just meant that it's one half of a couplet, if you catch my drift, guv'nor- you-seem-a-man-of-the-world-wink-wink-nudge-nudge.


Yeah, I wish I got this kind of feedback on my lyrics. Hmmm... it's either because holly is a girl, or because my lyrics suck..... I think I'll take option (A).

Originally Posted by: kingdavidHonestly I'm jealous, coz I've osted lyrics here too, and didn't get that much of a reaction. And considering I felt it was Ok (although it was the first thing I'd written in like 7 years), yeah, I'm jealous.

When did you ever do that?

Thanks for all the comments. Holly... is a girl. The reason I haven't been checking out any lyrics (or any posts for that matter) is because my computer sucks. I would change this song... but i've played it too many times and its just sort of stuck in its form. The last two lines don't rhyme... because it lets the song end.