Originally posted by Incidents Happen
Its funny you say that, because thats the only part of the lyrics that i wrote, of the ones that I showed you.

The original one, which our lyricist wrote, went like this

"When I'm Laid Away, Bury me in pine
God's golden cradle, bury me in pine"

I thought "well...It's nice, but It doesn't hit home, as far as who the person is talking to. when i changed it to

"When I'm Laid Away, Bury me in pine
If you're a friend of mine, bury me in pine"

Both are good. :) I can definitely see a difference in writting style. I think yours works better with the repetition of the second line. Your friends is cool but god's golden cradle sticks out too much I think. Might sound better if it was "when I'm laid away in god's golden cradle, if your a friend of mine, bury me in pine". Just an idea.

It made it sound more like the dying man was talking to someone, and this was his way of asking "Are you a friend, or not?". Another way of interpreting it is, if the song's lyrics were a journal, and somebody found them. And when he wrote "If you're a friend of mine, you'll bury me in pine", it could mean that if you know him, do the right thing.

In my opinion, I think your on the right path. Now just take it a step further and put yourself mentally in the position the song is being told from. Like a actor puts him/herself into a character in a movie. Become the dying man and imagine what you would say if you were to die tomorrow. Be honest and truthful, great songs are written in such ways.

I'm starting to understand the philosophy; I like Bob Dylan's lyrics a whole lot, I like how he can speak eloquently, and speak like a begger at the same time...You could say thats where I want to go in songwriting, but its harder. I'll get there, though.

A songwriting is both a servant and a master at the same time. You have to learn how to serve your songs to where they meet the expectations of the listener. An example would be writing a song that someone can relate to, but write words that would portray what they are feeling accurately. Best way to do this is to be honest with yourself when you write a song. Taking what I said before about putting yourself in the position of the dying man. Doing this works amazingly but a person who would actually be dying would probably express it better. You also have to learn how to command attention and influence the listener with the words that you write. Example is a sing along chorus, that is catchy enough to get the listener to sing along with it. Dylan had them both, as most great songwriters do. Plant,
Clapton and the list goes on.