Well man, if you got a 2 thumbs up from the crowd. My thought is you did something right. :) I think I can add something to the whole story line with songs thing your doing cause Ive been doing that for some time. First, is this the first song in the series?? The 7 minute intro says it is, but the lyrics sound more like a middle song. If you push them together and this is the middle song, then a 7 minute interlude could get to be very stagnant. I'd say shorten it if it is, and save the 7 minute solos for either the ending or beginning. I'd say ending to the effect of climax. My opinion, although I haven't heard the song.

Another thing with the lyrics is I can't see a plot, or any reason for this to be a seperate song, sound like part of a song. I know you said that's what your going for, but here's another thought. When writting songs thats make up a bigger story, you generally want each song in that series to tell a story on it's own. After all it's a story. Think of a miniseries or a movie that has three parts, the most popular now Lord of the Rings. Probably the best (cause its the best to explain this) and worst (everybody has done it) example. Notice how each of the 3 parts of the movie has it's own story, plot, and that story does get finished but it ends in a way that makes you want to see the next part. Try thinking of the series in that manner, break each of the songs into a story of it's own but it's really part of a bigger story. This will be good if your record the series and someone wants to just listen to one song. It won't be "he fought the bad guys but they got away", end of song. Each song should be a balance of fulfillment and quessing what happens next. A tough task.

This may be what your doing or maybe your going for something different. Either way checking out some movies will help spark some ideas on how to layout the series. Writting songs this these takes alot of planning and preperation to be done successfully. It's definitely not easy. Best of Luck.